It is normal that you want to trust your teenager more but it is difficult not to worry when the door to his bedroom is always closed and he spends time alone. Raising teenagers is not easy at all and although they need privacy and you understand that, when they spend too much time alone with the door closed, insecurity and fear invades you as a mother or father, and it is totally normal.
It is also normal that you ask yourself questions such as what will he be doing alone for so long, and if he is browsing dangerous places on the internet ... etc. You just want to make sure your teenager is happy and emotionally intelligent.
You want to trust your teen and you really want to… But social isolation and withdrawal are warning signs for many adolescent problems. So how can parents know when to respect their children's privacy and when to be concerned?
Do a reflection
First, it is important to realize that a teenager's number one job is to discover who they are and to separate their identity from their parents. Closing the bedroom door and spending more time alone are normal and vital parts of accomplishing this task. You will know that your child has reached adolescence when he points out your defects and tells you over and over again that you are wrong ... OR when criticizing the way you dress, speak, behave or the music you listen to.
Certainly this adolescent attitude can be quite annoying, but it is a normal and important part of how teens define themselves when separated from you. they need to develop their own opinions and become mature adults… But they must go through this phase in this way.
If your child is doing well in school, has good friends, does housework, has good personal hygiene… then he just wants privacy and you have to trust that everything is going well. Although of course, this is easier said than done ... And more when you meet other parents that their children do have real problems and you are afraid that yours will happen the same.
Questions to ask yourself
These questions for parents will help you determine if your teen's need for privacy is really a warning that something is wrong or not. You will have to ask yourself these questions and answer with total sincerity.
Does your teenager leave the bedroom without you having to ask?
The amount of alone time your child needs will depend and will vary on whether he is an introvert or an extrovert. Introverts need more time and extroverts less.
Take note of when your child leaves and enters his bedroom to understand how much time he needs in private to feel refreshed again. Trust that he is taking care of himself but you should be attentive to other behaviors to assess if they are also healthy.
Does a teenager seem happy or unhappy when leaving your bedroom?
Is your teenager happy or grumpy most of the time? If you are angry all the time when you leave your room, it is possible that what you were doing in the bedroom was not helpful and you need to point it out.
If the time spent in his / her bedroom was really good for him / her then he / she would have a more positive way of being. You can verbalize your concerns to your adolescent as follows: 'I realize that when you leave your bedroom you are irritable, but when you get home you are happier and more relaxed.' This can make your teenager reflect on what is happening and be able to make good decisions without you having to tell him exactly what to do.
Are your child's friends worried about him?
If you are not sure if your teenager's isolation is healthy or problematic, ask his friends if they have any concerns about him. Teens open up to their friends more easily than their parents, so if something is really wrong, they can tell.
Your teen's friends may not know what to do or say if your child takes drugs or talks about suicide ... For this reason, they won't say they're worried either. Give your teen's friends permission to tell you if they have any concerns and tell them that you will protect their anonymity.
Do you have a sudden change in behavior?
Perhaps you have begun to notice that your child begins to have worse grades in high school, that his appetite changes or that his sleeping habits are no longer the same. That your bedroom door is always closed does not necessarily have to be a bad thing, but that your grades go bad, that you have sleep or appetite problems or that your friends turn their backs on you, they can be real problems ... that need to be addressed .
Your children may blame the teachers, their classmates, their friends, or even you for their problems. These sudden changes in their lives are the result of how they think or feel things. It is necessary that you help your adolescent to have good eating and sleeping habits, since it is the main basis for later working on the emotional state. Give him tools to learn to control his mind and emotions, This will reduce stress and have better life orientation skills.
Does your teenager only socialize on the Internet?
It is important that adolescents do not socialize only online, it is necessary that they also have real relationships outside their bedroom. After-school activities or going out with friends are good ideas for them to socialize. The use of the screens must be regulated by the parents and they should not spend more than two hours of leisure time in front of the screens throughout the day (counting the mobile phone, computers, tablet or the time in front of the television).
Remember that if you want to maintain a strong relationship with your teenager, you will have to put your worries behind you and have a friendly but non-accusatory conversation. As you learn to trust your teen even more and stop worrying, you'll need to make sure you have fun and relaxed time with them as well. Have quality time together and enjoy yourself as a family.