Self-control and mastering low tolerance for frustration is something to be learned in early childhood and under the guidance of parents.. A child who has not worked out low frustration tolerance in the early years of his life will most likely have many tantrums which will turn to anger and rage as it grows. You will not respect boundaries and will feel that everyone is against you or that you are attacked when your desires and whims cannot be satisfied immediately. This is why it is essential that parents can work from home to promote self-control in children.
Impulsivity is common in young children and can lead to problems with other children or at home with the family. Is there something wrong with children that they are unable to control themselves? No not at all. SThey just have to learn that control is in oneself and in what is done, it is not something that someone else has to do for you.
Many parents tend to think that children are more advanced than they really are because they speak and are understood so well. But the reality is that children's brains are not fully developed yet. Learning about self-control is necessary and can only be done through self-discovery and repetition and not through punishment or anger. It occurs slowly during childhood. But how can self-control be encouraged in children?
The foundation is trust
Parents who respond to children's needs do so with confidence. When the baby is hungry and wakes up crying, the parents pick him up and feed him ... the baby learns that he can trust his parents because they will feed him. Every time a father calms his baby, his brain reinforces the nerves and pathways to calm anxiety and to regulate emotions, something that will help you learn to calm yourself. It is the basis of self-control.
Over time, the child will trust that he will be able to eat on time and that his parents will provide him with safety and comfort. Thus, you will be able to calm your impatience and concern about any of your needs because you know that sooner or later, they can be attended to. Parents help their children reach this stage by calming their anxiety and fostering that sense of security and acceptance..
A good example is needed
What really teaches children to regulate their emotions and to have good self-control is undoubtedly the example of their parents. If parents do not know how to manage their own emotions and react with anger or take their child's challenging behavior personally ... the child receives a clear message that life is full of emergency and very stressful situations. This seriously impairs the child's learning and he will not be able to encourage calming of his anxieties and insecurities. The most important thing parents can do is to help their child learn self-control to regulate his emotions so that he can remain calm and compassionate with his child.
Self-control is possible thanks to brain development
Young children do not have the ability to resist urges when they want to do something, but as they get older they will be able to do it. The difference is in the prefrontal cortex that develops from the age of two to 25. So how can the prefrontal cortex be strengthened so that young children are capable of self-control? The answer is simple: through practice and good relationships with your parents.
Practice, practice and practice
I'm sure you've ever heard that "Practice makes perfect" and it is. Every time a child is able to give up something for something he wants more, he will be building neural pathways in his frontal cortex that is associated with self-discipline. When a child feels compelled to give something up, this is not self-discipline. Also, if a child gives up something they want but does not have the opportunity to practice self-control, it will not be effective either.. The child who can practice self-control will be the one who has a goal. (for example your mother's approval) that is more important than immediate desire (a bauble when it does not correspond).
Set empathic boundaries
Every time you set a limit that a child accepts, then they are practicing self-control. It is clear that children prefer to continue playing, but he knows that if he continues playing there are consequences that could be met. Or when he is in the bathroom playing, it is not necessary for you to get angry if he splashes everything, he needs an emotional connection with you to know that it is not correct and for you to guide him in what his behavior should be at bath time.
Punishment does not promote self-discipline or self-control because the child will not have had the opportunity to choose to stop doing what he was doing: if he is forced, he will not be learning. Keep in mind that permissiveness (which is the other side of the coin) does not encourage self-discipline or self-control in children, because the child will not feel the need to stop. It is important to set limits with understanding, so that children can accept them and thus develop good self-control.
It is a slow process, but if you are constant in it you can achieve good results. Your child wants to feel control within his world and if you allow him to have access to that control within the norms or limits that you have established at home, then he will feel more motivated to be able to have control over himself and be able to have behavior that does not require anger, tantrums or bad manners. Remember though, your example is everything.