We usually hide from children so they don't see us cry or suffer. We think that we are doing them a favor so that they do not see us sad and thus not have to explain them. Well let me tell you whate is counterproductive to hide our emotions from children both for them and for the parents .. Now we explain why.
Why do we hide negative emotions from children?
Maybe for wanting protect them from adult problems or from trauma, we pretend or hide our tears in front of the children. Sadness is one of the "negative" emotions that we most often hide. I say negatives in quotes since it is not a bad emotion but sadness came in a negative way, hence its classification. Sadness has its function like all other emotions.
What do we provoke by hiding our emotions from children?
What we are teaching children by repressing our emotions, and showing a happy face when in reality we are sad, is just that: we teach them to repress emotions and not know how to manage them. We are depriving them of the emotional intelligence necessary to face the adversities of life and we will be showing them an unreal life where there is only happiness.
If a child sees that his father or mother is sad but hides, he will learn to do the same. Hide your emotions in order to protect yourself and others, and believing that sadness will go away by itself. When the only thing you are achieving is limiting your emotional development to manage it, since sadness has a function and if it is not managed well it will remain there within you and will appear in the form of physical symptoms. They will not be facing sadness but will be hiding from it.
This also has consequences for the one who hides them. By repressing negative emotions and pretending that we are okay, we are covering up something that has to come out. By doing this we will feel much worse than feeling the emotion itself. As you can see, there is nothing good for you or your children that you hide your emotions in front of them.
Sadness function
As we have seen before, all emotions have their function, and sadness could not be less. Its function is mainly adaptive, a resource that human beings have to face adversity situations. Let's see what more functions sadness has:
- The sadness It makes us think and to question our belief system, to modify them for other more adaptive ones.
- Allows us to put all our energy towards ourselves, favoring introspection and self-protection. It allows us to listen to each other.
- Improve the relationship with others, since sadness makes the closest people pay more attention. Encourage helpful behavior.
- The visible symptoms of sadness they send information to others that we are not well.
Emotional Education
To teach our children emotional education we have to face sadness. Teach them that we all feel emotions, that we have nothing wrong with feeling them, that they have a function and that when they fulfill it they will disappear.
Children will experience both positive and negative situations, and they have to know how to deal with them in the same way. They must learn that adversity is part of life and learning.
So let us feel our emotions that represent our humanity. Let's eliminate the census that society has to express negative emotions with typical phrases: "Don't cry", "big boys don't cry", "crying is weak" ... let us feel and let our emotions do their job and go away. If not, they will embed themselves within us and explode in the worst way. Let them flow and go their way. That this new generation of children see emotions as something habitual, and we will save them a lot of suffering.
Because remember ... by hiding our emotions we harm ourselves and others.