Some parents worry about finding out that their children lie. It is seen as something negative, something that only older people do or a sign that something bad is happening. But the truth is that certain skills are necessary to be able to lie, which is not a bad sign either. To dismantle myths and shed some light on this topic, today I am going to talk about lies in children and when children learn to lie.
Why do we lie?
Let's be honest, we all lie. And several times a day even if we don't even realize it. Many are for education, to look good, not to lose something, for fear of consequences, to avoid problems, to protect oneself or another person. Most are little lies that allow us to live in society, and other very large ones, but in the end we all lie.
Human beings have the need for others to see what we want, and for that we use lies. Lying gives us benefits and that's why we do it, although in the long run (especially the big lies) they create more problems for us than benefits. But what about the children?
Why do children lie?
The ability to lie is something that is learned little by little. And children are acquiring this ability with their evolution. They lie for various reasons just like adults. These are the main reasons:
- By imitation. As we saw above, we adults lie a lot. How can they not learn to lie if they see that adults do it continuously? They will see it as normal and will mimic your behavior. We must be very careful when we lie in front of them, no matter how small they are.
- Because of fear. It is usually the most common cause. When they do something wrong and are afraid of the consequences, they use lies to get rid of them.
- For call the atention. Children as we saw in the article "How to calm the calls of attention in children", they try to get your attention in every way possible. One of them may be lying: saying that they are unwell or that something hurts. That way they achieve their goal, which is your attention.
- For too many demands. If the parents are excessively demanding, the child is exposed to too high expectations. That is why you can lie if you are unable to reach them. They will not want to disappoint you, so they will lie to earn your love and acceptance.
When children learn to lie
Children start to lie early between the 3 and 5 years. It is necessary that they acquire a certain development to have the ability to lie. The first ability they need is language. At these ages they can already express themselves better verbally and interact with their environment. Another necessary ability to lie is your cognitive development. We need to have the "Theory of mind" to be able to do it. The theory of mind is knowing that different people have different perspectives on the same situation. That is, what I know you do not have to know and vice versa. Children need to predict the thoughts of others in order to use lies to their advantage.
Another one of the capacities that is needed to lie are the social skills. At these ages they understand social norms, and wanting to comply with them can motivate them to lie.
What do you do if your child lies?
How we see is not something worrisome at first. To correct this behavior we must teach them by example not to lie, and explain that it should not be done. There are specific stories on the market to deal with the subject of lies that you can read together.
Also analyze what kind of values you want to teach your children. Sincerity and honesty are two very important values that we must not forget.
Because remember ... if you see a behavior in your child that you do not like, analyze if you are doing it unconsciously. We are your closest example.