Life always has setbacks and children have to learn that it is part of life to deal with these problems. How does your child react when he makes a mistake or experiences a problem? Perhaps when you lose at a board game or fail an exam, you don't know how to tolerate that frustration.
Depending on the situation and circumstances, some parents may react to their children's backwardness by comforting or worrying them excessively and trying to fix what's affecting them. But this is no favor. It is also possible that parents also get angry with their children or blame others for the failures of the little ones, something that is not a good idea either.
Reactions affect your children
Your reactions to your children's mistakes will have great and lasting effects on how they process the mistake. Your children will be more or less resistant and will have more or less self-esteem and self-confidence depending on how you react to their mistakes. It is so important that even a child's intelligence vision can be determined.
Researchers at Stanford University found that a parent viewing a child's setbacks and mistakes as either positive or bad can shape that child's beliefs about intelligence and, in turn, affect their future. Children's beliefs about intelligence have a big impact on how well they do.
The researchers asked 73 parent-child pairs a series of questions related to failure and intelligence; the children were students between the ages of 9 and 11. While the findings did not show any link between parents 'beliefs about intelligence and what their children thought about intelligence, there was a link between parents' attitudes toward intelligence and children's beliefs about intelligence.
Why is this happening? Researchers believe it has to do with the message that parents' reactions are sending to children in non-verbal language. For example, parents who reacted with anxiety and worried about a low test score they can get the message to their kids that they won't get better because they aren't smart enough and the effort is not worth it. But parents who focused on what a child can learn from a poor test score can give their children the message that intelligence is not fixed, and that they can improve their score through study and effort.
What can you do so that your children learn from mistakes
You need to take into account what you can do to make sure that your children have the right message from you and that they learn from mistakes. Failure is not a sign that you are not capable or that you are less intelligent, far from it. A mistake is always a strong weapon of learning that must be used wisely. The next time your child makes a mistake, you should take into account the following reactions.
See your child's reaction
Follow the example of your child's reaction and think about what exactly it means. If you are angry for failing or if you are happy because even if you failed, you did everything you could and what you had in your hands. If he is angry, you will have to help him channel that feeling so that it turns it into motivation to do things better the next time.
Focus on the future
Instead of talking about what you have done wrong, you need to focus on how you could do better in the future. Remind your child what went wrong and show him that it is a great tool to figure out what to do or not do in the future and achieve better results
Be an observer of yourself
Imagine yourself as an observer, observing how you react to the mistake your child made. Would you think this person was kind and gave your child helpful advice? Would you think that person was speaking in a warm and relaxed way? Or would it sound harsh, critical or negative? Imagine being motivating instead of discouraging ...
Power the effort and not so much the result
Talk to your kids about what they did and if there was anything they didn't like or what they think they could do better next time. Help your child channel his energy so that in the future he focuses on the process and the effort. Enjoying the process is essential to be able to have great satisfaction towards daily learning.
Do not feel pity about it
When you try to comfort your child, do not feel sorry for him because then he will think that he is not capable of doing things for himself and that he gives pity to others. You will think that you have to feel sorry to get things and this message is very detrimental to your future and your self-esteem. You need to focus on the solution.
Don't fix her mistake
You do not want to fix their mistake or you will become a helicopter and overprotective parent (with the terrible consequences that this entails). Show your child how to find the solution but do not solve things yourself.
Help him see in perspective
Help your child to see things from perspective, so that he is able to see the same error from different angles. Tell him, when he has a problem, put an imaginary chair on the moon and sit on it. So you will see that problem much smaller than it actually appears to you.
Remember that your love has no end
Your child has to know that you will always be by his side to provide the support he needs whenever he needs it. You should know that with good communication you can always talk about your feelings, thoughts and any mistakes you have made to find the best solution. Make him understand that your love cannot be measured, no matter the circumstances.