Sometimes it's not easy to convince or motivate children to do things at home or schoolwork, and often there is a lack of motivation in childrenBut the problem is this: you try to convince him to do something and he feels obligated to do it. Children (just like adults) need sufficient motivation to do things well. so that it comes from within them. That's why convincing children to do things can be quite a challenge, since getting them to stop doing other things they want to continue doing can be even more difficult.
But if you want your children to improve their behavior and start doing the things you've struggled to convince them to do until now, it's important to understand how their motivation works, what role the study environment plays, how your expectations influence them, and how you can help without doing their homework for them. Things as necessary as brushing your teeth, taking out the trash, doing homework, or other responsibilitiesThey will cease to be a source of conflict if you apply a combination of positive discipline, organization, and respectful support to involving children in household chores.
In this way, you can support your children with both household responsibilities and schoolwork. fostering their autonomy and reducing daily arguments.
Rewards or bribes are often not a good long-term option
The rewards
They seem the same as bribes, but it's important to distinguish between them. At first, you might think that rewards are very important so that children will willingly complete their assigned tasks and gradually develop the habit of doing them without needing a reward. When used correctly, rewards can serve as timely reinforcement. while a habit is being established (for example, using a weekly chart to assess effort). However, if they are overused, the child may focus only on the reward and lose interest in the task itself.
Children can develop behaviors that are highly dependent on rewards. Therefore, they won't perform the desired behavior if the rewards stop or are reduced. It's as simple as understanding that if you (as an adult) stopped being paid for your job, would you go to work for free with the same level of commitment? The difference is that in the family, we want children to find internal motivation as well as external motivation.
Therefore, occasional rewards can be present, but it is essential that they are linked to effort, consistency, and responsibility, and that they do not replace the Personal satisfaction from a job well doneInstead of giving constant material rewards, it is preferable to use specific praise, verbal recognition and reasonable privileges (choosing a family game, for example) as a consequence of their involvement.
Bribes
The use of bribes is similar to that of rewards, but with important nuances: they are usually used in tense moments, in exchange for the child stopping something that bothers us. For example, when you want your child to stop having a tantrum in the middle of the supermarket and you offer them a treat in exchange, you are bribing them. In the short term, it may seem effective because the unwanted behavior stops, but It won't shape your child's character or help them understand that the room should be tidy, that chores are their responsibility, or that brushing their teeth is part of taking care of their health.
Furthermore, bribery conveys the implicit message that It's only worth making an effort if I receive something immediate in return.This is especially dangerous in the realm of schoolwork: if a student receives a reward every time they complete their homework, their motivation to study will disappear as soon as the reward ends. Therefore, it's best to reserve material incentives for specific, one-off achievements, and not make them the basis of daily motivation.
What should be done to motivate in a healthy way?
For your child to feel motivated to do things, it's essential that they feel good internally. Therefore, you should create the right environment so they feel the satisfaction of having learned a new skill and of a job well done. It's important to feel happiness while doing things, not just when you reach the result.That is, to enjoy the process of learning and achieving goals.
When a child learns a new skill, such as playing with a spinning top, riding a bicycle, or solving a math problem, they may feel great about having accomplished it and will want to repeat it. The feeling of dominance And having developed a new skill is what is most motivating. For this to happen:
- Help him set small goals (finishing a worksheet, tidying up a part of the room, reading a few pages) so that you can experience many small successes.
- Praise the process and the effortnot just the grade or the final result: "You have been very consistent with the math problems," "I have noticed that you have organized yourself better today."
- Connect the task to something meaningful to himFor example, explain that learning to read will allow them to enjoy their favorite comics without help.
In the school setting, researchers have observed that certain study guidelines They increase motivation and effectiveness. Some of them are very simple and can be applied at home:
- Taking notes by hand It helps to retain information better, even if the child is used to screens.
- Read the texts calmlyWhether speaking aloud or quietly, it improves comprehension and concentration before starting the exercises.
- Take short breaks every so often (for example, 5 minutes every 20 or 30 minutes of studying) prevents fatigue and maintains focus.
- Alternate subjects or types of assignments (some math, then language, then back to math) reactivates interest and avoids prolonged boredom with the same content.
These guidelines They can be incorporated into study time at home as part of the routine, without turning them into a rigid requirement but rather into a constant habit.
Accept their imperfections and their rhythms
Most young children enjoy doing chores if they are not forced to do them, and especially if they are not pressured to do them perfectly or very quickly. It is very sad to see children as young as 3 years old lose their love or desire to do something for fear of their parents' reactionSometimes, a child who wants to learn to dress themselves may give up when their parents are too demanding or always in a hurry. If every time the child tries to do something on their own they are harshly corrected or brushed aside to get things done faster, they won't see the opportunity to practice and improve.
Children need time and patience from their parents to learn new skills. This also applies to homework: instead of expecting them to be completely independent from the first year of primary school, it's much more realistic to support them, explain how to organize themselves, and allow them to gradually gain independence at their own pace. Realistic expectations and accept your children's imperfections They are key to preventing him from feeling overwhelmed or labeled as "lazy" or "absent-minded".
It's also important to adjust your expectations over time. As your child grows, their interests, abilities, and the difficulty of tasks change. Talking to them about which subjects they excel at, which they find more challenging, and what goals they can set for each will help them feel actively involved in their own learning.
In the tasks that they do like to do ...
If you want your children to feel motivated to do their homework, you should make sure you praise their effort more than the final result, and that you give them help if they need it. But don't do it for them just because you're in a hurry or because you're running out of patience. Every time you do the homework for them, you take away a learning opportunity. and you send him the message that you don't trust him to achieve it.
Furthermore, if there are chores at home that your child enjoys, why make them do only what they dislike? If they want to take out the trash, wash the dishes, or help set the table, and are old enough to do so safely, let them, following guidelines on... household chores according to age. To feel useful and involved in family life It greatly increases children's self-esteem and is excellent training for more complex responsibilities, such as schoolwork.
In the realm of studies, it's also a good idea to leverage what already motivates them. If they enjoy drawing, they can create visual diagrams; if they love stories, they can invent examples or tales to help them remember concepts. These small adaptations make the assignment more relevant to their interests, which increases their engagement.
In the tasks that they do not like to do ...
If there are household chores or school assignments that your children don't like to do, you will have to think creatively to make those tasks more appealing to them and that they can do them willingly; for example, you can look up ideas about What can you do to get your children involved? in household chores. For example, if your child doesn't like making the bed, you can suggest a friendly competition to see who does it first, or use a timer to turn it into a challenge of "let's see if we can beat yesterday's time today."
Also It would be a good idea to offer alternatives.You can present two necessary tasks (even if he doesn't particularly enjoy them) and let him choose which one to do first: "Today we have to take out the trash and clear the table; you choose which one you start with." Since he's the one choosing, he'll feel more in control and it will be easier for him to do it. Another idea is to offer time options: for example, if he has to take out the trash, he can decide to do it before or after dinner; if he has to brush his teeth, he can do it before or after his bath.
These strategies They also work with school assignments:
- Let choose the order of the tasks (first math and then language, or vice versa), always within the established schedule.
- Establishes small and measurable goals, such as completing ten exercises in fifteen minutes, and encourage him to assess for himself whether he has succeeded.
- Introduce small non-material incentives, such as choosing the bedtime story or family game when the agreed study time has been completed without excessive protests.
In some cases, it can help to design, together with the child, a simple system of dots or stickers to record the days they have completed their tasks or duties with a positive attitude. It is important that this system is clear, that the goals are realistic, and that the final reward is linked to continued effort (for example, doing a special family activity after several weeks of consistency).
The role of the study environment and organization
Good intentions alone are not enough to motivate a child to do their schoolwork; It needs an environment that facilitates concentration and autonomyJust as we assign specific places for household chores (the laundry basket, the trash can), it is very useful to create a clear structure for homework.
- It is recommended establish a fixed place to studyA quiet, well-lit space, free from excessive distractions (television, mobile phones, noisy toys). This could be your desk, a table in the living room, or a designated study area.
- It is convenient that have all the necessary materials on handPencils, eraser, pencil sharpener, paper, rulers, dictionary, calculator if needed, etc. This avoids constant interruptions to go and look for things.
- A good habit is always do homework at the same timeas if it were just another activity in the daily routine. After having a snack and resting a bit is usually a good time, because he's not too tired yet.
Time management is also part of motivation. Help your child plan their afternoon, taking into account extracurricular activities, playtime, and rest. Plan with him what he will do first, how much time he will spend on each thing, and when he will have his free time. It makes her feel in control of her day and reduces the feeling of constant imposition.
This can be very useful for older children. teach them how to use the school planner properlyWrite down homework assignments, exam dates, and long-term projects, and review them together at the beginning of the week. This way, they'll learn to plan ahead and avoid everything piling up the day before an exam.
Avoid power struggles
Fear, power struggles, or a heavy hand will never be good options for motivating children; if you think that You put too much pressure on your childrenReview your strategy. Making a child do something out of fear of the consequences is not an appropriate way to motivate them, since you will only achieve this by making them stop the desired behavior as soon as they see they can avoid those consequences. Power struggles often end in shouting, threats, and words you later regret. and that damage the bond with your child.
No one likes to feel controlled, least of all children and teenagers. They need to explore their world and learn what behaviors are appropriate, but without pressure or humiliation. Positive discipline achieves great results: it sets clear boundaries, explains the reasons behind the rules, and seeks solutions together to everyday problems, instead of resorting to disproportionate punishments.
In the context of tasks and duties, this implies:
- Speak calmly about what you expect from him and what the school requires, leaving room for him to express his complaints and emotions.
- To truly listen What is most difficult for him, what bores him, what worries him, without ridiculing or minimizing his feelings.
- Seek reasonable agreements regarding schedules, breaks, order of tasks and use of screens, maintaining the limit that homework is their responsibility.
At the same time, it is important to remember that The task is primarily the child's responsibility.Even if you offer support, it's their pencil that needs to move, their mind that needs to learn, and their report card that reflects their work. Your role is to provide structure, guidance, and set an example, not to do the work for them or turn every afternoon into a battle.
And of course, you can't forget that if you want to motivate your children to do things, you must be the best example and role model. If they see you constantly postponing your obligations, complaining incessantly, or shirking your responsibilities, it will be difficult for them to adopt a different attitude. On the other hand, if they observe that you are organized, complete your tasks, and maintain a reasonably positive attitude toward work, They will learn more from your example than from any speech..
When you combine an organized environment, realistic expectations, positive discipline, and a close but non-intrusive presence, household chores and homework cease to be a daily battle and become a growth opportunity, responsibility and connection with your children.
