Children need limits to develop properly both emotionally and socially. But many parents, due to lack of time or ignorance, do not know how to set limits with them, generating situations of uncontrol, fights and unnecessary tantrums. Limits make children safer, more respect for others and authority. From love we can educate with limits so that our children mature properly and know how to relate to their environment.
It is not about punishing but about educating in consequences as we saw in this article that you can read HERE. It is not always easy because parents sometimes break some of the key points to set limits and children do not understand that they cannot have what they want. It creates frustration and anger and we do not know how to manage those emotions in our children. Setting limits is essential for them to learn to tolerate frustrationIf we tell everyone that they will grow up thinking that they can do whatever they want when they want and life doesn't work like that.
We leave you some tips to set limits for your children to help you in this task. We must be patient, but by following these tips, living together at home will be much better.
Tips to set limits for your children
- Clear and concise rules. Children do not understand abstract commands such as "behave yourself" or "behave at the table." We must be clear and specify what can and cannot be done. "When we eat we are all sitting at the table" or "treat your cousin's toys well" are direct and clear orders. There is no possible interpretation. This way the child will clearly know what to do, what is right and what is wrong.
- Consensual limits between parents. There must be an agreement between the parents of the rules to be followed at home. Otherwise each one will have their own and the child will not know what rules to follow, or will get closer to the one with the looser rules.
- The rules are for everyone. It is not worth making distinctions between different members of the family. The child must see that the rules are for everyone, and that everyone must comply with them. Obviously there are specific limits that will not be the same for all siblings since each one has an age, a responsibility and some routines. In these cases we must explain to the youngest (if he is old enough to understand it) why this difference, and that he will also have other norms as he grows.
- Explain the consequences. Once the rules are known, we must set the limits, and explain what will happen if the rules are not met. The consequences must be maintained yes or yes, because otherwise it will be useless. The child will believe that the rules can be changed at will. Although it costs and there are tantrums involved, we must apply the consequences.
- No screaming. It is not necessary to shout to mark authority. You must be firm and with a serious face, that you do not see hesitation.
- The sooner the better. We must start limits the sooner the better. If we can set limits when they are teenagers, it will be much more complicated than if they have already done it from a very young age.
- Patience. Sometimes there will be times when your anger levels up and it will be difficult to control your emotions. At those times, take a couple of deep breaths or step out of the room for a moment to calm down. In this way you will be teaching your child two things: to manage their emotions and not to speak out of anger. Once calmed down, you can explain the consequences of their behavior without having to yell or get angry.
- Reinforce their good behavior. It is not about giving awards when you do things well, because if not then they will do things not to follow the rules but to get that award. We can reinforce their good behavior with words of congratulations or a hug. You will feel loved and that you are doing things right.
Because remember ... educating with love will always be much more effective than educating with punishment.