I'm sure almost every mother has heard of the famous "thinking chair" or the "thinking corner." Some schools use it in their classrooms and many parents at home as a "Alternative to punishment". Actually this resource is a modern version of behaviorist 'time out' (time out).
Punished to the thinking chair!
It consists of sending the child to sit alone in a chair when the adult considers that he has behaved badly. The time that the child has to remain seated in that chair depends on his age, one minute per year. During that period of time you have to be calm and think about what you have done wrong. Then he is asked what have you thought.
What is the thinking corner?
The thinking corner is a very similar method to the thinking chair. It is about sending the child who has misbehaved to a specific room or corner of the house to be there alone for a while thinking if what he has done is correct.
Reflections on the use of the chair or the thinking corner
When we send our child to the chair or to the corner to think, what we are really expecting from him is that think about your behavior. For this reason, it is essential to take into account the age of the child. Children under the age of four do not have the ability to reflect on their own behaviors or to curb their impulsiveness. In times of conflict they need the presence of the adult.
The really thinking chair pushes the child away and ignores him for a while. This resource does not provide the child with any tools that allow them to know how to manage that conflict. What the child understands is that if he does not do what we want, he will be rejected.
Some professionals see these two resources as one form of punishment disguised as "respect" that it can generate in children resentment and fear.
Alternative strategies based on emotional intelligence
- What the child needs first is calm down. For this we will be at your level. If he is very upset, we can hug him or hold him. We will always speak to you in a soft and calm tone while looking into your eyes. Even if we feel angry, it is very important not lose your nerves and transmit security you need at that time.
- Teach your children, especially the little ones, simple breathing and relaxation techniques. In these times of stress they will help you control yourself.
- Help him to know how he feels and to name that emotion (anger, sadness, rage). If your child learns to identify your emotions, you will learn to control them much better. We must show empathy. Let them see that we understand their feelings (I know how you feel at this moment ..., I understand that right now you are very angry ...)
- Explain short and clear what has happened and its consecuencias. Let him know that you are not satisfied, that he understands that his behavior not adequate or acceptable. (You have scratched Juan to take the ball from him and he is crying because you have hurt him. Look how he cries. It is not okay to scratch children. I am angry).
- Show her alternative ways to manage that conflictIn other words, how could he have acted in the face of this situation in another way. Instead of scratching Juan to get the ball away from him, what could you have done? (He could have borrowed it, asked if he wanted to play with him, or looked for another ball).
- Whenever possible there will be repair the damage done. For example, if you have thrown your brother's toys on the ground, you will have to pick them up and put them away.
- If repair is not possible, you can look together for a way to reward the damage done.