Since Elaine N. Aron published "The Gift of High Sensitivity" in the 90s, this topic has only grown and helped many people get to know each other much better.It is said that almost 20% of the population identifies with this personality type, which is not necessarily related to introversion.Highly sensitive people (HSPs) see and understand the world differently, from such a special sensitivity that it does not always offer them true happiness.
Their empathy is very high, they feel the pain of others and they are more fragile when facing a disappointment, a deception or a simple lie. Thus, it is very important that we know how to identify this characteristic in our children. If we guide them, we will get them to see life from the heart, but always having good strategies to be strong. In Mothers Today we explain it to you.
High sensitivity is not a defect or a problem that needs to be fixed.It is a biologically based temperamental trait that involves a finer neurosensory system. They are neither better nor worse, just different in the way they perceive and feelThis means they absorb more stimuli and with greater intensity, become overwhelmed more easily, and may need more calm time to regulate themselves.
How to Identify Highly Sensitive Children
Every child is special to his parents. Now, something that we are always aware of and especially if we have more than one child is that each one has needs. There are more mischievous, others more introverted and still others, who seem to realize much more things than their brothers.
One aspect to consider is that the fact that a child behaves differently from the rest should not necessarily be a problem. Seeing and feeling the world differently is not bad, it is a gift, but a gift that must be understood, especially by the child himself. That way they will become more confident adults.
Let's see now the characteristics of highly sensitive children.
- When they are just babies, they react a lot to changes in light and even sounds. The sensory novelty impresses them and they tend to cry over anything.
- As they get older you will also notice that even the friction of their clothes hurts them.. Their pain threshold is very low, so they may complain about wearing a certain type of socks or underwear.
- From a very young age they can be attracted to art and music. They are very good at drawing, and represent aspects that go out of the ordinary. They go beyond what meets the eye.
- Highly sensitive children They are much more mature than children their age.They will notice things that will surprise you, and most strikingly: they notice your worries, when you are sad, disappointed, anxious… It is something to keep in mind.
- Something very common is that at school, they usually have some problem or another. Lies, criticism, and rejection don't sit well with them. And even seeing other children get hurt is a problem for them. The world of childhood can sometimes be a little "cruel," and these kinds of things affect highly sensitive children.
- The questions they ask you usually have a very particular moral and philosophical depth. They worry about things that go beyond their closest circle, they watch television and do not understand why certain situations occur, and why there are people who have to suffer.
- Another very characteristic aspect is that they like to do things alone.However, this doesn't mean they're avoiding social interaction; it simply means that sometimes they enjoy doing things alone more, like drawing, playing games, or listening to music.
Sensory and contextual cues that can also help you
- Textures, stitching or labels Tight clothing, shoes, or rough fabrics can be intensely uncomfortable for them.
- Noises, bright lights, or strong smells (air fresheners, detergents, certain foods) can overwhelm them or cause headaches.
- Crowds, parties or commotion They tire them out and their stress levels rise quickly; they prefer calm environments.
- Hunger, thirst, sleep, or temperatures Some extreme situations trigger their irritability suddenly: anticipating these needs is key.
- In the smallest ones, the voltage discharge It may appear as intense crying or powerful tantrums after a day with too many stimuli.
Beware of confusionThis trait can be confused with other profiles (for example, with hyperactivity, autism, or even high abilities). A highly sensitive child can be very attentive. When something interests them, they don't necessarily act impulsively. If you have any doubts, consult with professionals who understand high sensitivity.
How to educate highly sensitive children
It's funny how for a long time, until all those books were published as a "wave" of books on high sensitivity, many people did not understand why they felt so different. Why they were more sensitive to the most everyday things, and why they saw life in such a particular way to the rest of their acquaintances.
Today high sensitivity is accepted as another type of personalityAnd that would fall within the area of introversion, but without actually being withdrawn. Therefore, it's worthwhile to learn a series of simple strategies to guide our children in their daily lives. The key is to support and not force. Take note.
Boosts their self-esteem
It is a mainstay which we must not neglect. Seeing the world differently makes them feel different, and seeing themselves differently makes them see themselves as vulnerable.
- Value every reasoning, every word your child saysHelp them understand that being more sensitive than others is a gift, and that it will allow them to enjoy life with a unique intensity. Art and music are two excellent forms of expression where they can find power; help them see that being more sensitive is being more intelligent because they understand people better.
- Help him understand that it's not a bad thing that his classmates don't behave or feel the same way as them.Each person is unique, and that is a very positive thing.
- They must learn that receiving criticism, accepting that someone at school rejects them or deceives them, is also something normal that they should not internalize. One bad day doesn't define who they are nor does it determine the next one.
- Show him that he is strongwho will be able to do many things as long as they want to and value themselves.
Reinforce with specific messages: names their efforts ("I've seen how you've organized yourself to study in silence"), their progress ("today you asked for a break on time") and their contribution ("your way of listening helps your friends").
Respect their moments of loneliness or independence
You will want to do things on your own, and you will need to be alone many times. Allow it but supervise as long as you don't overdo it. Solitude will allow you to get in touch with yourself to settle ideas, feelings, experiences.
Later, never hesitate to talk to him or her. The questions you ask him should be as profound as his reasoning or his concerns.The idea is to ask questions to empathize with them, but without ever making them feel like you're controlling them. Here are some examples where we'll prioritize the positive and empathetic connection.
- Has something interesting happened to you in class?
- Today you seem somewhat sad. People have good days and bad days, life is sometimes somewhat capricious. Mine has been very good ... How has yours been?
- I am reading a very interesting book. What topics are you most interested in when choosing a book?
- I also like to be alone from time to time, I think about my things and what I would like to do tomorrow. And you ... what would you like to be when you grow up? The most important thing is that you are always happy, so tell me ... what would you like to do to always be as happy as possible?
Structure your day to day and avoid sources of stress
This advice is not only useful for highly sensitive children, it is actually useful for most. However, in those children who are more sensitive than normal It is not worth subjecting them to sources that may cause them more anxiety than stability..
Never fall into the trap of thinking that "he needs to be stronger and smarter," and that to achieve this it is worthwhile to enroll him in certain sports or camps. Talk to them first.Be aware that highly sensitive children do not like to compete, do things in groups, or be in situations with a lot of commotion, shouting, or noise.
Establish good trust with your child and understand it. Our role as parents is not to change our children's personalities, but to guide them every day so that, however they are, they can find happiness..
Schedule breaks and anticipate triggers
Their nervous system becomes overloaded sooner. Incorporate short pauses Throughout the day, take steps to lower your stimulation level (breathing, reading, drawing, sitting in silence). Additionally, anticipate your needs to avoid stress spikes.
- Hunger and thirstKeep water and healthy snacks on hand; avoid long waits.
- Temperature and lightWear layers of clothing and sunglasses if necessary; adjust blinds or lamps.
- Noises and crowdsChoose times when there are fewer people and use headphones with passive noise cancellation if they help.
- Comfortable clothes: detects labels, seams or annoying fabrics and avoids those garments.
- Events: limit extracurricular activities to those that truly inspire him/her.
Help him to name and regulate his emotions
Highly sensitive people (HSPs) are very sensitive and easily read the emotional climate. Teach them to distinguish what is yours and what belongs to others ("Is this feeling your own, or have you perhaps noticed it in someone else?"). Don't deny your emotions: Explain them properly ("I'm tired today, that's why I'm quieter").
- Emotional labelingUse a varied vocabulary (sad, restless, disappointed, proud…).
- Simple techniques: breathing 4-6, counting to 10, visualizations, mindfulness adapted to their age.
- Notebook of sensations: before-during-after an intense moment, to detect patterns.
- Calm box: calming sensory objects (stress ball, a book, headphones).
Coordination with the school
The school environment can be noisy and changeable. Fluid communication with the teaching staff makes the difference:
- simple settings: allow extra time to complete tasks, offer a quiet place on time.
- Advance notices: announce transitions or changes in routine in advance.
- Noise reduction: seat him a little away from noisy areas, suggest non-verbal "signals" to ask for a break.
- Evaluation: prioritize understanding over speed; diverse means of expression (oral, written, artistic).
- emotional climate: promote respectful classrooms; monitor for possible teasing or bullying.
Common mistakes to avoid
- Labels and mockeryPhrases like "you're a crybaby" or "you're exaggerating" damage their self-esteem and confidence.
- OverprotectionAvoiding all challenges prevents them from developing tools; support without isolating.
- Force crowdsRespecting their social rhythm, without ridiculing them, helps them to open up safely.
- Emotional incoherenceDenying what you feel confuses them; validate and explain simply.
BABA Method for HSP Families
An practical Guide which integrates four very useful family actions:
- Understand: to know the trait and its signs. Example: to identify that the noise in the dining room overwhelms him.
- Accept: validate the internal experience. Example: "I understand that smell bothers you."
- Limit: set clear and safe rules. Example: "if you feel overwhelmed, raise your hand and ask for a minute of calm."
- AlternativesOffer specific actions. For example: suggest breathing exercises, changing location, or walking for a minute.
Recommended parenting style
El democratic style (Affection + clear boundaries) fosters their security and self-regulation. Rules are explained and their emotions are addressed, without overwhelming them or giving in to everything. Avoid the indulgent style (anything goes) because it can increase anxiety and impulsivity; and the authoritarian style (rigidity and hardness), which increases fear and distrust.
PAS, high abilities and other diagnoses
- HSP vs. ADHDIn HSPs there is greater sensitivity to stimuli; they can concentrate intensely when they are interested and impulsivity is not always present.
- PAS vs. TEA: in PAS there is usually high empathy and social understanding; ASD involves core challenges in social communication.
- PAS and AACCThey can coexist, but not always. Being able to process information deeply doesn't necessarily mean having a high IQ, and vice versa.
In the event of doubts that interfere with well-being, Consult with professionals that they are aware of the high sensitivity required for proper evaluation.
Boost your creativity and purpose
His inner world is rich. Encourage personal projects (music, drawing, writing, dance, volunteering) that channel their sensitivity towards meaningful goals. This raises their self-esteem and builds resilience.
Self-care for HSP moms and dads, whether HSP or not
- Take care of your rest And your spaces of calm: your emotional regulation is its compass.
- Learn about the trait to understand reactions and adjust expectations.
- allow yourself to feel and ask for help; sharing it reduces the burden and improves the family atmosphere.
- Model healthy boundariesSaying "I can't now, I can later" teaches respect and self-care.
“Do not despise anyone’s sensitivity. Each person’s sensitivity is their genius.”
-Charles Baudelaire-
Extra tips for everyday life which usually work very well:
- Transition rituals (when leaving home, when returning from school), with 2-3 predictable steps they reduce stress.
- Visual board with simple schedules and a designated space for breaks.
- Empathetic dialogue with a focus on solutions: "What do you need now to feel better?"
- gradual exposure to challenging social situations, with prior preparation and an exit plan.
- Limit screens close to bedtime and choose non-overwhelming content.
People with high sensitivity They perceive subtleties that others do not see.They are moved by beauty, they grasp moods instantly, and therefore, they become overwhelmed more easily. Supporting this trait with respect, knowledge, and the daily practice of small tools will allow this gift to flourish and enable them to live with balance, connection, and joy.