Although we had already spoken in Mothers Today about how transmit to children the death of a loved one and accompany them in the duel, we believe that explaining suicide takes on another connotation, due to the intense and contradictory emotional reactions that causes in the relatives of the suicide. Perhaps you think that it is too much, but do you know how many people kill themselves in our country every year? About 4000, of course it is an important figure (I clarify that I would also be impressed if they were half). As you know, it is the first cause of unnatural (or external) death the second among adolescents. Don't your hair stand on end?
And what does society do in the face of this, which is already considered a public health problem? Well, he hides it, or disguises it as an "accident", he even points out as guilty (of the suffering it causes in others) to the deceased. It sounds like a joke, but it's more of a joke in very bad taste. I tell you: there is a theory, according to which "talking about suicides" causes a contagion effect, however it has legends, since lacks scientific basis. The most logical answer to give is the correct one from the point of view of mental health professionals; namely: talking about the phenomenon and designing prevention campaigns (openly, but also without alarmism); seems to be the best solution if we want to prevent the numbers from rising, even if we want to tackle it.
For example, certain internationally validated recommendations could be applied so that the information about these deaths does not appear on the covers, it would not be correct to show photographs or add morbid details. In our country, more than one suicide profile coexists: male between 50 and 60 years old (living alone and without support), adolescents (as a result of suffer bullying, sexual identity not assumed, drug use, having suffered child sexual abuse), and perpetrators of a sexist murder. It does not mean that people with other characteristics do not kill themselves, nor that all those who have similarities with the aforementioned profiles devise suicide ...
As I have anticipated above, my intention today is to focus on communicating to minors about suicides (in general and more especially that occurred in their environment). I was inspired by this article by The Washington Post, and I have used several sources of information, among which I highlight the Government Department of Veterans (United States).
Talking about suicide with children: without lies and accepting their emotions.
Even if a girl or a boy loses a relative for this cause, they will not suffer less if the event that occurred is adorned, hidden or redesigned so that they do not suffer an emotional impact with unforeseeable consequences. In addition, when we speak with them, it will be decisive that they are counted on their participation (will you want to be at the ceremony? Will you want to visit the cemetery?); Keep in mind that the rituals by which we say goodbye to the dead may not be suitable for them. Instead they might prefer to write a letter, draw or staying home sitting on the couch and hugging the support person.
Before continuing I would like to clarify that you can request the accompaniment or advice of a psychologist, who can guide us in the process of communicating and caring for the little ones.
It is nobody's fault.
I believe that suicides are a failure of society, but I reject the idea that the people involved (the suicide and their friends or family) can be blamed; and it is precisely one of the feelings that minors could have. Although they may also feel abandoned, angry, confused, or insecure.
On the other hand, and regardless of the relationship they had with the dead person, the logical thing would be to allow the children to express their grief however they wishEven during intense moments such as the ceremony, or questions from other people, they remain silent. We will be very respectful, but it should not surprise us that they maintained a low degree of attention, simply because they are children and are developing.
I have already said that ideally we will be frank and receptive: speak directly and openly it will prevent them from finding out from other people and from feeling forgotten. Who best knows a little one is his father, his mother, the rest of his family (older brothers, uncles, ...), and the person in charge of telling what happened it must be at the expected level and well explained taking into account age, and the ability to understand. For example, before the age of 6, children often do not know that death is irreversible, and before the age of 9/10, they are probably not even capable of handling the concept of suicide.
It is very important to be truthful with what is transmitted, and in the answers that are given: for example, there are ways to die, and the family member they have lost is not a worse person for having taken their own life; or: suicide is a fact related to the will to die, but what kills are the injuries caused. They may be too young to inquire into the reasons for suicide (behind many events of this type there is a depression), Besides, we will probably manage to complicate everything more, and it would not be fair to the person who is no longer present.
It is not necessary to overwhelm with unnecessary details, and even less if they include relationship problems of the relative with other close or acquaintances
Suicide is not a glamorous event, but a dramatic one.
I know the subtitle is strange, I myself am surprised. The fact is that from reading the article in The WP I have realized that certainly when a celebrity commits suicide, the media practically "elevate" it to the point of losing the North, and things are not like that: not guilty of what happened, but neither are the protagonists in excess of the covers (I imagine they would not have wanted it that way). This may perhaps give children the wrong idea. On the other hand, when someone close to you dies, you have more questions and feel more anguish, so it is convenient to be present.
Change in behavior, habits, confused emotions ... they would be normal, but I insist: nobody knows if the manifestation is different or worrisome, more than the adult who is accompanying the duel. Listening, emotional acceptance and affection will be our best weapons. And of course I think that it would be necessary to have professional advice, at least to provide some guidelines.