Strategies for parents when your child is the bullying aggressor

Currently there are programs in some schools to avoid bullying or bullying. Normally these programs are thought of the victims, to protect them and so that parents know what to do at all times. In fact, in many circumstances, victims of bullying are unprotected and feel vulnerable and alone. They feel that no one can help them and their self-esteem is seriously affected.

Parents of victims of bullying are faced with great challenges and obstacles in dealing with these problems, especially if they cannot find support from the school or from the relevant professionals. Not only the children that are victims of bullying They need psychological care and that's it, they need everyone around them to support and protect them, giving them enough tools to be able to feel the value and support to be able to overcome the situation.

But there is another part of all this that also matters a lot: bullying offenders. The parents of the abusive children also have a fundamental role in all this and must do their part to alleviate the situation.

Parents of the school bully

Parents of bullies should understand that children who aggressively bully peers are at higher risk of engaging in antisocial or criminal behavior in the future. Therefore, it is important to try to help bullies change their attitudes and behaviors towards others and stop being negative. In most cases when there is an aggressor there are causes behind that cause the situation and that must be discovered in order to stop them.

Take into account your attitude and actions

Parents need to bear in mind that their child's attitude and actions are very important and that they should not look the other way for anything in the world. Although it seems that the problem does not go with them, the reality is that everything has to do with them. So:

• You have to take the problem seriously. Resist the tendency to deny the problem or discount the seriousness of what is happening. Avoid denial by thinking: 'these are children's things' or 'it's normal for these things to happen at school'. Because they are not children's things nor is it normal for it to happen.
• Listen carefully and take a look at the facts. Don't believe everything your child tells you. Children who bully others are good at manipulating adults and can be very adept at weaving a story that makes them appear innocent.
• The victim's school or parents may document with reports of your child's bullying behaviors. Don't deny his involvement when there is obvious evidence to blame him. It is necessary to recognize if there is a pattern of behavior.
• Explore the reasons why your child may be having this negative behavior. It is important to seek professional help for both the child and the family if necessary.

Hold the aggressor's actions accountable

The aggressor needs to take responsibility for his actions, whatever they may be, and know that his negative behavior will have consequences. To do this, parents should keep a few things in mind:

• Resist the tendency to blame yourself for believing that you have not done well in raising your child. Make sure your child is responsible for their actions.
• Make it clear to your child that bullying and bullying is very serious and that such behaviors will not be tolerated. Make it clear that you expect that behavior to stop immediately.
• You will need to contact the school regularly to end if the offending behavior has stopped for good.

Help change

The aggressor must also feel support in order to make the change. If he feels that no one is on his side, he will only resist improving since he will be on the defensive all the time. In this sense, parents should take the following into account:

• Develop a clear and simple system of rules within the home. Offer frequent praise and positive reinforcement. Do not use hostility and opt for negative consequences for when the rules of behavior are not followed.
• Remember that the rules must be followed. Appropriate consequences for bullying may include loss of privileges.
• Follow through with appropriate consequences for misbehavior. Do not use physical punishment, as doing so will only reinforce your child's mistaken belief that it is acceptable to use violence to intimidate others to get what you want. If both you and the school are consistent in applying negative consequences for bullying, the chances of improving the aggressor's behavior will be greatly increased.
• Spend more time with your child and monitor their activities closely. Find out who his friends are, where he spends his free time, what activities he usually does. If your child is in bad company, you should limit it and provide opportunities to participate in activities with better company.
• Use empathy and assertiveness. Praise your child when he uses positive behavior strategies.

What to expect from school

If your child is a victim or bully, it is important to expect some actions from the school:

• School administrators, teachers and staff should take bullying issues seriously. The school should investigate the situation and they will need to tell you what steps they are taking to help stop the bullying.
• School policies should be enforced and the rules against bullying.
• Teachers and administrators should speak with the abuser and his parents. They should also tell them what consequences there will be and what action the school will take towards the bully if the bullying is not stopped. If the bullying continues, the school must comply with the agreed consequences immediately.
• Both teachers and administrators should increase supervision of adults in the different school areas where bullying incidents may or are more likely to occur.
• School personnel should be informed of the situation and to know who are victims and who are aggressors, so they can act appropriately in any conflict situation.
• There should be constant communication with both the victim's parents and the offender's parents.