After pregnancy, having a baby is one of the most special things that can happen to a woman who wants to be a mother. It's the most beautiful and exciting moment in existence. Amidst tears and pain, you'll be embracing the love of your life, a love that will last a lifetime. It can also be a time when you can be closer to your partner, feeling that connection that only fathers can experience when they have their baby, a close bond explained by the oxytocin function.
Some of those forms of change and what I want to talk to you about today is sexual changes. These changes may not or may not happen to you. Be that as it may, it is always a good idea to be able to take into account the possible sexual changes that you may experience (or are experiencing) after giving birth so that you can be aware that it is normal and so on. treat them in time so that they can't get to you.
There is less sex
One form of sexual change is that all of a sudden there is less sex, and I don't mean just quarantine. I mean that when the woman's body has passed the quarantine there are still few opportunities for sexual encounters. You have a baby who needs your time and attention constantly and you may be very busy taking care of your baby. It is wonderful that you love being a mother and that your partner takes good care of the baby, but you should not allow it to affect your sex life. Try to find the balance, you can do it.
To achieve this balance, create small islands of intimacy realistic: night shifts, a shared nap, or delegating to someone you trust, such as the role of grandparents after childbirth. Intimacy doesn't always involve intercourse; focus on caresses, kisses and massages helps maintain the bond when time is short.
You are constantly tired
It is also possible that you feel constantly tired, and although it seems that fatigue is not a very difficult obstacle to jump when you have a baby. You sleep little, you sleep badly and it seems that you lack batteries even to breathe. But you must have one very important thing in mind: "it's a season and it's going to pass." Write it down on paper if necessary ... but don't forget. You can take advantage of a nap with your baby during the day to feel more intimate with your partner.
Fatigue directly affects the sexual desire. Adjusting expectations, sleeping in shifts, and prioritizing rest when possible can improve mood and libido. Choose times when both of you are more rested and consider shorter but more relaxed encounters. conscious and unhurried.
You don't like yourself too much
You may have forgotten how far you kept your mascara or concealer because now you don't even put it on. It seems like time has disappeared and there is only time with the baby.Well, you have to separate the realities and not let yourself down because you should feel beautiful too. Maybe you also feel a little self-conscious about your body after having your baby. How will the celebrities on TV handle it?
The first thing you have to do is not compare yourself with the famous ones on television because they use means beyond our reach to regain their bodies 10, bodies that they need to be able to continue on television (because of the society in which we live that it seems that the image is more important than motherhood, but it is not like that!). While is true that Having a baby changes your body, so don't let that affect your sex life with your partner..
Don't think your partner sees you as ugly or fatter, because your partner sees you (and should see you) as the wonderful woman who was able to bring their child into the world. They may even love the changes in you. Love yourself first And remember that the changes in your body are so that your sweet baby can be part of your life from the moment they are born and forever.
Work the self-image with gratitude toward your body: moisturize your skin, wear comfortable, flattering clothing, move at your own pace. Reconnecting with your body (relaxing showers, self-massages, gentle stretching) fosters desire.
You don't feel like having sex
You may not feel like having sex, which can be for a variety of reasons. It is possible that you do not want to have sex for physical reasons (your stitches are still sore or you are not quite well), or it may be mental or emotional (such as the well-known postpartum depression). But regardless of the cause that generates it, it is necessary that you do not get frustrated and if the problem persists for more than two weeks that you talk to your doctor. You should know that this may be temporary and that little by little everything will return to normal. But don't quit or get used to it. Find moments alone with your partner, get massages, seek intimacy and affection even without sexual intercourse, so little by little you can begin to feel that internal flame and fan it!
Keep in mind that the lactation raise the prolactin and reduces the estrogen, which can lower libido and lubrication. This usually improves over time and, in many women, with the return of menstruation. Still, intimacy can be cultivated with non-coital pleasure until you feel ready.
You are afraid of sexual relations
You may feel a little scared to resume sexual intercourse in case it hurts and absolutely nothing happens. You must be patient, do not force yourself if you do not feel ready. If you think that it hurts longer than normal or that something is going differently than you think it should, do not worry and go to your doctor or gynecologist to advise you and to explore you to see that everything is within normal limits.
Fear of pain is common if there were tears or an episiotomy. Validate what you feel and resume your normal routine. gradual: more foreplay, lubricant and positions where you control the depth. If pain persists, consult; there may be hypertonia pelvic floor or sensitive scars that benefit from physiotherapy.
You may find it difficult to lubricate again
Lack of lubrication after childbirth can be a big problem for women who want to resume sexual intercourse. This can happen because your hormones keep changing and returning to their state, but don't let this stop you. If you feel ready to have sex use lubricant to help make that intimate moment with your partner easier. Do not feel bad about using lubricants because if they exist, it is for women who need them to use them without shame. Your sex life is very important and you must take care of it!
Choose water-based or silicone-based lubricants (compatible with condoms and most contraceptives). You can add regular vaginal moisturizers if dryness persists. slow preparation and enough time of excitement make a lot of difference.
When should you resume sexual relations after giving birth?
There is no exact day that is valid for everyone, but from a medical point of view it is usually recommended to wait between 4 and 6 weeks or until the postpartum check-up, when it is confirmed that the cervix has closed, the lochia have stopped and the tissues have healed. This guide applies to vaginal and cesarean births, although it may vary depending on significant tearing or surgery.
During the first two weeks, the risk of complications is higher. Waiting a little longer allows the body to recover better. If there were tears with stitches or an episiotomy, the prudent recommendation is to keep the paused penetration until everything is well healed, maintaining other forms of intimacy.
Pain, dryness and how to relieve it
- Relieves pre-pain: warm bath, painkiller prescribed by your professional and empty your bladder before the meeting.
- Lubricate generously: After giving birth it is normal to need lubricant even if it was not necessary before.
- Try alternatives: massages, oral sex, mutual masturbation and positions with rhythm and depth control.
- No hurries: Choose rest periods and stop if pain occurs. Persistent pain is a sign of consultation.
If there is a feeling of tightness or burning in scars, physiotherapy pelvic floor and desensitization work can greatly improve comfort.
Pelvic floor and recovery
Pregnancy and childbirth can stretch or weaken the pelvic floor muscles. This affects the feeling during sex and functions such as urinary control. Tone these muscles with Kegel exercises and, when necessary, with specialized physiotherapy, promotes recovery.
To do Kegel, imagine that you stop the passage of urine and contract 3 seconds, relax 3, and repeat 10-15 times, at least 3 times a day. Avoid contracting your glutes or abdomen. A professional assessment can personalize the plan and determine if you need more. strengthen or relax.
Breastfeeding and sexual desire
Breastfeeding raises prolactin and reduces estrogen, which often leads to less lubrication and desireThis is physiological and temporary. Create self-care rituals that reenergize you and seek intimacy without pressure. If the dryness is very bothersome, your professional may consider vaginal moisturizers or, in some cases, local treatment with estrogens compatible with breastfeeding.
Postpartum contraceptives
It is possible to become pregnant postpartum, even before your period returns. Exclusive breastfeeding may reduce ovulation, but It is not a reliable contraceptive method on its own.Talk to your healthcare professional to choose the option that best suits your situation.
- Preservative: high reliability, no effects on lactation or hormonal contraindications.
- Progestin only: minipill, injection or implant; compatible with breastfeeding and can be started inmediatamente after delivery as directed by a doctor.
- Copper or hormonal IUD: can be placed at the time of delivery or in the following weeks, after assessment of uterine size.
- Combined (estrogen + progestogen): increase the risk of postpartum clots; they are usually considered from a month and when breastfeeding is established.
- Permanent: tubal ligation or vasectomy if the family is complete.
If you plan another pregnancy, several organizations recommend spacing at least 18 months between pregnancies to reduce maternal and infant risks. Your healthcare team can advise you on the appropriate interval for you.
Variations in desire and in the couple
After giving birth, desire may fluctuate hormones, fatigue and role changes; that's why the importance of the father in the postpartum period It's key. Some couples also report less desire in the other partner due to fear of hurt, exhaustion, or pressure. The key is speak without judgment and agree on times, caresses and limits.
Build moments of adult couple: an uninterrupted conversation, a walk, a simple dinner. Gradual physical closeness rekindles desire and allows a natural return to sexual life.
Warning signs and when to consult
- persistent pain During intercourse, a sensation of scarring or burning that does not improve.
- Intense dryness with irritation or microcracks despite lubricants.
- Urinary symptoms (incontinence, urgency), feeling of vaginal heaviness or prolapse.
- Sustained sadness, marked anxiety, irritability, guilt, changes in sleep or appetite, or thoughts of harming oneself: points to postpartum depression and requires early professional attention.
A gynecological, midwifery or pelvic floor physiotherapy assessment can provide a treatment plan and shorten recovery times.
Practical strategies to reconnect
- Explicit communication: share fears, desires, and limits. The other person can't guess.
- Progressiveness: Start with kisses and caresses, increase the intensity when you feel comfortable and pleased.
- Suitable environment: comfort, privacy, pleasant temperature and no foreseeable interruptions.
- Comfortable positions: lateral or with rhythm control (as above) to adjust depth.
- Take care of your body: hydration, nutrition, gentle movement and Kegel as indicated.
Remember, if you don't feel ready for sex, you don't have to feel guilty. To fully enjoy sex, you must be ready, and your partner will surely understand. But don't deny each other intimate moments where hugs, caresses, and kisses are present. Don't lose that sexual and intimate connection with your partner. Don't let the flame go out!
Postpartum sexuality is a living process: the body recovers, hormones readjust, and the couple learns new rhythms. patience, information and supportMost people find they can enjoy their sex lives again. If something isn't right, seeking professional help can help speed up recovery and prevent unnecessary suffering.
