Which suicide is the second leading cause of non-accidental death among the population aged 10 to 19 yearsIt is a topic that we had talked about in Mothers Today; mentioning that in no case should we ignore the so-called "suicide ideation" thinking that it is nonsense by children, that it will pass or that they are trying to attract attention. Obviously, they try to get attention, but not in the way that many adults think, Instead, it turns out to be the result of despair and they tell us “Help me, I'm here, things happen inside me that overwhelm me, I can't control myself, help me! "
As we related, ignoring the suicidal thoughts (aloud) of a minor is a bad idea: our inhibition can end in the worst possible way. But today we are going to tackle an equally complex problem that is not new, although it seems to be gaining popularity (and therefore strength) between circles of adolescent girls and boys. It's all about 'non-suicidal' self-harm (or self-mutilation).
A few months ago, the ANAR foundation that helps children and adolescents warned of an alarming increase in calls related to the idea (or attempt) of suicide, or to self-harm. The figures are chilling: in 2014, the ANAR phone received 547 calls asking for help; between January and September 2015, 621 minors manifested this problem.
In some adolescents the pressure to be perfect or to live up to unattainable standards, whether their own or imposed, can cause excruciating pain (Kids Health)
Our teens may be feeling helpless.
How many boys and how many girls will there be who think about taking their own lives and don't say it? How many cuts on legs or arms have to be made so that we adults realize that something is happening with our young people? I ask myself these questions when trying to imagine the number of people in these ages who are neither taken by their parents to the emergency room, nor do they have the courage to tell a professional over the phone (in those situations in which they do not trust the family) .
Psychiatrist Neria Morales tells us that “Non-suicidal self-harm are expressions of emotional distress carried out by adolescents. Despite the fact that when performing them the individual he does not seek death, it is a way of causing himself pain, relieving unpleasant sensations ".
We already have the first clue about the reasons that lead a person who still has his whole life ahead of him: to relieve unpleasant sensations. The first thing that comes to my mind is an enormous sadness, imagining the feeling of loneliness, helplessness; thinking that they might need to explain it to someone, but they have no one around.
Sometimes as adults we fall into the temptation to trivialize these feelings, an error that leads us to have forgotten our own adolescence, or perhaps it is that we do not remember the complexity of the changes in the childhood world, lost as we are in our adult-centeredness. And speaking of losing, let's go also losing the ability to accompany without intruding, to be available without pressing, of listening by stopping talking ourselves.
What leads an adolescent person to hurt himself?
Nor should we take suicidal ideation lightly, nor self-harm attempts; and much less make fun of it (which I have also seen) “you have to see! What are you trying to cut yourself Is it that you can't control yourself? You can't be left alone! " Obviously If those who self-mutilate could control their actions, they would not, and regarding underestimating the ability to take care of oneself in the absence of parents, perhaps more than one and one of us should consider doing a little more company (physical and emotional) with the daughters and sons.
From ANAR they also explain to us that in 82% of cases it is girls who cut themselves. We have already commented that the phenomenon seems to have become fashionable, and now (supported by web pages explaining how to self-harmHorror!) There is a kind of calling effect among young people.
Here are the reasons they may have (we have found the reference in Kids Health):
- Emotions that overwhelm them: by self-harm they can interrupt feelings they cannot bear, or express them.
- Prefer physical pain that is visible to emotional pain, which they cannot control because they cannot see it.
- If it becomes compulsive behavior, comes to cause relief, to which endoorphins contribute.
- It can become a habit, when you get 'relief'.
- That the behavior is related to mental health problems such as bipolar disorder.
- Pressure from partners, friends, 'fashion' (Internet pages)
All these explanations are not valid without taking into account the characteristics of each adolescent
Self-harm by cutting yourself
Occurs when they are intentionally marked, scratched, or cut using sharp objects such as scissors, metal files, pens, tabs from soda cans, knives, scissors, pocket knives ...; It is also sometimes the case that matches or cigarette burns are self-inflicted.
The shame.
These are shameful behaviors that at some point the protagonist tries to hide, coming to invent excuses about the origin of the injuries (there are also those who show them off). On the other hand, difficulties appear to stop self-mutilation (lack of self-control).
Some of those who cut themselves have been deeply hurt by harsh treatment or by situations that have made them feel unsupported, powerless, unworthy, or unloving (Kids Health)
Parental support.
There is a document from the ANAR Foundation that gives clues to face suicidal behavior in adolescents; In the case of self-harm, some of the tips apply:
- Pay attention to the children, and much more if they verbalize emotional problems or wishes to hurt themselves.
- Your feelings are valid, whatever they are.
- You must avoid family tensions. In times of instability, the last thing a frustrated or overwhelmed teenager needs is a mother / father being ironic, blaming, or making derogatory comments.
- Don't be afraid to talk about their ideas (don't shy away from the topic): making the problem visible will give everyone another perspective.
- Explain that bad times also happen; repeat it many times to make it easy for you to internalize it.
- Share your problem with friends, relatives; Talk to your pediatrician, your family doctor.
- If the girl or boy spends a lot of time playing online or on Social Networks, negotiate (without prohibiting) a reduction in exposure time.
- Encourage him to resume leisure activities or start new hobbies.
- Until the problem is solved, your child should be accompanied as long as possible.
- Seek solution-oriented psychological therapy, and focused on supporting the minor and the family. Refuse professional support that intends to place your daughter / or as responsible or guilty, and therefore propose actions aimed at modifying their behavior without taking into account the causative factors.
We have recently learned that 45 percent of adolescents between 12 and 17 years old, who had been admitted last year to the child and youth psychiatry unit of the Sant Joan de Déu Hospital, showed "a disturbing profusion of self-inflicted cuts". It is a widespread problem, and a good part of the solution lies with the adults responsible for the education of children.
Images - (Second and Fourth) martinak15, Tjook