If you want to avoid having narcissistic children, don't overvalue them. That's the main message of a new study by a group of researchers at Ohio State University in Columbus and the University of Amsterdam in the Netherlands, published in the Proceedings of the US National Academy of Sciences. The researchers conducted the study with the aim of understanding the origins of narcissism. Accordingly, this is the first prospective study to investigate how narcissism develops.
Many parents treat their children as if they are more than everyone else, as if they deserve more for being special. There is no doubt that for parents their children are the most special in the world. Nor should it be taken into account that Self esteem of children is essential for their proper development. But overvaluing them does not increase their levels of self-esteem, but rather makes them narcissistic. I will tell you in detail below.
Self-esteem Vs Narcisimo
Narcissistic individuals feel superior to others, fantasize about personal successes, and believe they deserve special treatment. When they feel humiliated, they often lash out in an aggressive or even violent way. Knowing the origins of narcissism is important for the design of interventions that help reduce or impede its development.
This study wants to show that narcissism in children is cultivated by the overvaluation of parents who believe that their children are more special and have more rights than others. On the contrary, the warmness of parents helps to cultivate a high Self esteem in children when they show for their children affection and appreciation.
The results of this study show that narcissism is partially ingrained in early socialization experiences, and suggest that parenting training interventions can help reduce narcissistic development and reduce its costs to society.
Study development
The team recruited 565 children in the Netherlands and their parents. The children were between the ages of 7 and 11 when the study began. Participants completed standardized surveys four times during the course of the study, with a 6-month interval between each survey. In the surveys, parents were asked to rate on a scale how much they agreed with statements related to their child, such as "My child is a great role model for other children."
Both children and parents were asked about the emotional warmth that parents displayed. Parents were asked to rate statements such as "I let my son know that I love him." The children were asked to rate statements such as "my father / mother lets me know that he loves me."
The researchers were interested in distinguishing narcissism from self-esteem among the participants, and to do so they carried out measurements in the children of both qualities.
"People with high self-esteem think they are as good as others, while narcissists think they are better than others", said Brad Bushman, a co-author of the study and a professor of communication and psychology at Ohio University.
In the study, children with high self-esteem agreed with statements suggesting that they were happy with themselves and that they liked the type of person they were, without saying about themselves that they were more special than others.
Professor Bushman and his colleagues found that children who were described by their parents in surveys as "more special than other children" and who "deserve more in life" performed better on narcissism tests.
“Children believe their parents when they tell them that they are more special than others. That cannot be good for them or for society », says Professor Bushman.
Parents overestimate their children to increase their self-esteem
Lead author Eddie Brummelman, a researcher at the University of Amsterdam, suggests that parents may overestimate their children in an attempt to boost their self-esteem, but "Instead of increasing self-esteem, overvaluing can inadvertently raise levels of narcissism."
Furthermore, parental overvaluation was not associated in the study with higher levels of self-esteem in children. However, there was a correlation between parents who showed emotional warmth and children who showed higher self-esteem over time. Additionally, the study found no association between parental warmth and narcissism.
Interestingly, Professor Bushman claims that as a father of three, his parenting style has changed as a result of his research. “When I started doing this research in the 1990s, I used to think that my children should be treated as if they were extra-special. I am careful not to do that now. It is important to express warmth to your children because it can promote self-esteem, but overvaluing them can promote more narcissism.
The authors believe that their results support the idea that parenting interventions can teach parents to express affection towards their children without telling them that they are superior to other children. "Future studies should test whether this can work", Brummelman concludes.
Comments
Feeling better than others takes people away from happiness. Narcissism can even turn into a pathology.
Educating in self-esteem involves much more than the fact that the child feels valued. The child, in addition to knowing his strengths, also has to learn what his weaknesses are and learn how to overcome them. The child has to learn that he can improve, and he has to learn the value of setting realistic goals and feeling the pleasure of achieving them.