La School anxiety in children It's terrible both for those who suffer from it and for the families who watch their children struggle every morning before school. It's a much more common problem than it seems, and yet it's not always recognized in time, which is why it's important to know. How to detect stress and anxiety in children because it does not take a single form. In many cases, anxiety disguises itself as a physical illness (headaches, stomach aches, nausea, extreme tiredness) and in others it appears as tantrums, rebellious behaviors, irritability or behaviors that, at first glance, can be confused with "bad behavior" or "laziness".
Furthermore, it is common for parents to have doubts and not be able to clearly differentiate between them. what is anxiety and what it isn't. Understanding what is happening to the childUnderstanding why he reacts this way to school and how we can help him is key to enabling him to smile again, gain confidence, and enjoy his childhood without going to school becoming a real ordeal.
What anxiety is NOT
La separation anxiety and school anxiety They have nothing to do with "bad parenting", with a lack of limits, or, in themselves, with a behavioral disorder. They are not synonymous with spoiled children or capriciousness.Any mother or father who discovers that their child has anxiety should know that they are not to blame: anxiety is a complex emotional and physiological response, not a parenting failing. If you want to delve deeper into the origins of childhood fear, you can read about children's fear.
When a child is anxious, their behavior may seem defiant, disobedient, or even aggressive, but This is not about gratuitous rebellion.but rather a clumsy and desperate attempt to escape what is perceived as dangerous. Anxiety has a lot to do with intense emotions that the child does not yet know how to understand or manage, and that his brain interprets as threats, even though from the outside it may seem that "nothing is happening".
Anxiety is not laziness, manipulation, or simple resistance to work. It is the result of a nervous system that becomes overactive and sends alarm signals when the child faces school, exams, classmates, or separation from their attachment figures.
Getting angry doesn't work
School anxiety is not simply a case of "not wanting to work" or misbehaving; It is a physiological response of the brain who perceives danger where, often, there is none. Sometimes anxiety is triggered by a clear fear (for example, fear of failing, of ridicule, of bullying, or of the parents suffering while the child is in class) and other times It appears without a specific identifiable cause., like a vague discomfort that the child cannot explain.
When this happens, the well-known response is activated “fight or flight”The brain sends an alarm signal, and the body releases substances like adrenaline or cortisol to "prepare" for the perceived threat. This is why anxiety can be mistaken for a tantrum, resistance to entering the classroom, or provocative behavior, when in reality it is the body on high alert trying to protect itself.
In this state, they appear neurochemicals that accelerate the heartThey tense the muscles, alter breathing, and generate very bothersome physical symptoms. The child isn't exaggerating to get attention: their body is reacting as if it had to defend itself against a real danger. If our only response to this is anger, punishment, or shoutingThe message he receives is that, in addition to being scared, he is "wrong" for feeling this way, which further increases his distress.
Human beings have a natural predisposition to stay safe; it's an automatic and instinctive mechanism. That's why, If you get angry with your child or punish them for their anxiety, it simply won't work.Instead of calming down, they will feel even more fear, shame, and guilt. If your child isn't feeling well at school, it's important to find out what's going on and work together to find solutions, rather than simply interpreting their behavior as disobedience.
When dealing with an anxious child, we are dealing with a brain in fight, flight, or block modeThe good news is that this situation can be reversed with understanding, emotional support, clear routines, and, if necessary, professional help. Your role as a mother, father, or caregiver is key to sending the message that they are not alone and that together you will find a way for them to feel safe again.
Why does school anxiety appear?
First of all, it is essential to make sure that the school anxiety It is not related to specific problems at the school: bullying, bullyingConstant teasing, difficulty making friends, conflicts with teachers, or disproportionate academic demands that the child cannot handle. Often, teachers are aware of what is happening in the classroom and can provide valuable information.
Therefore, one of the first steps must be meet with the tutor to have a more complete view of what is happening at school: changes in performance, behavior, relationships with classmates, or participation in class. If everything seems fine but your child continues to experience anxietyIt is likely that there are less visible factors (internal fears, perfectionism, self-imposed pressure, previous traumatic experiences, extreme shyness) that are fueling that discomfort.
Anxiety also has a characteristic way of making people feel that They have no control about what's happening to them. In children, this translates into a feeling of being overwhelmed: they believe they won't be able to handle their exams, that they won't be able to separate from their parents, that they'll be left alone at recess, or that if they make a mistake, it will be a catastrophe. That's why it's so important to enhance the feeling of control and capability in the child, helping them to see what things they can do to cope with the situation.
Among the most common causes of school anxiety are:
- High academic pressure, both external (adult expectations) and internal (intense self-demand).
- Undetected learning problemswhich makes studying much more difficult and frustrating.
- Social conflictsdifficulties making friends, feeling excluded, or experiencing bullying.
- Perfectionism and extreme fear of making a mistake or failing, even when the child gets good grades.
- Significant family changes, such as moving, divorce, losses or illnesses that increase insecurity.
- Anxious temperament or high sensitivity, which causes the child to react more intensely to stress.
Every child is unique, and school anxiety often arises from a combination of several factors. Understanding what's happening in your child's specific case, including the problems that affect school performanceIt helps to stop looking for someone to blame. focus on practical solutions and in adequate support both at home and at school.
What to Do About It When Your Child Has School Anxiety
Anxiety is not the enemy
Anxiety is not the enemy to be destroyed, and it is important that children can understand this. Anxiety is a sign It indicates that something in their environment or in their interpretation of it is making them feel insecure. When this appears, it's a sign that there's a worry, fear, or conflict that needs attention and support.
It helps a lot to explain to the child that their body is behaving like a "smoke alarm": Sometimes it jumps because there really is fire (for example, a harassment situation), and other times it goes off because it has become overly sensitive and activates even when there is only a little smoke. In both cases, the solution is not to destroy the alarm, but understand what is triggering it and help regulate it.
Once the cause of the child's emotional distress when thinking about school is discovered (fear of separation, fear of ridicule, exam blocks, feeling lonely at recess, difficulty with certain teachers or subjects), strategies can be designed together. small actions To reduce that fear: talk to the center, practice relaxation techniques, prepare oral presentations in advance, seek academic support, etc.
It's not about avoiding anxiety at all costs.Rather, it's about teaching the child that they can feel fear and still move forward with support and tools. This learning strengthens their self-esteem and resilience for the future.
To offer emotional and physical security
For anxiety to begin to decrease, the child needs to feel that they are safeThis message of security needs to reach him, above all, through his role models. Your child needs to know that you are available to listen to them.that you take her feelings seriously and that you will find solutions together.
Your child will also need Relax and disconnect from the source of worry.Going for a walk, doing some physical activity you enjoy, playing games, drawing, or taking deep breaths together can help the body transition from constant activation to a calmer state. It's not about always avoiding talking about school, but about balance moments of serious conversation with moments of play and affection that recharge their emotional energy.
Another important pillar is the CompanyBoth at home and at school, children experience clear routines, reasonable schedules, and designated spaces for homework, rest, and fun, which increases their sense of control. If anxiety is related to poor academic performance or difficulties in a specific subject, it will be essential to provide them with support. specific academic support (tutor, adapted materials, study techniques) so that he can experience small successes and verify that he is capable.
It's very helpful for the child to have visible safety messages in their environment. You can write some short, positive phrases and place them in their room or somewhere they see them every day. These phrases should remind them that you are not alone and that has internal and external resources to cope with fear.
- Your friends care about you and they're waiting for you at school.
- You are brave and you have overcome many difficult things.
- Your teacher is there to help you. and will not allow anything bad to happen to you.
- School helps you learn You've already discovered how intelligent you are.
- You can achieve your goals If you work little by little, without demanding perfection from yourself.
- Take a deep breath Whenever you feel nervous, your body knows how to calm down.
- I love you every momentno matter what happens at school.
Repeating these ideas, accompanying them with hugs, listening, and consistency in daily life helps the “internal alarm"The child's intensity gradually decreases."
Identifying warning signs and when to seek professional help
While some nervousness is normal before an exam or a change of school year, there are signs that indicate school anxiety is going beyond what is expected. Among the alarm signals The most common ones are:
- Sudden changes in academic performance, with grade drops for no apparent reason.
- Constant excuses for not going to school, with frequent physical complaints just before leaving home.
- Irritability, sadness, or crying seemingly without reason, especially on Sunday afternoons or mornings before class.
- Social isolationloss of interest in previously enjoyed activities or avoidance of recess.
- Sleeping problems, recurring nightmares related to school or difficulty falling asleep.
If these signs persist for several weeks and interfere with daily life If the child shows signs of distress (not wanting to go to school, eating worse, sleeping poorly, refusing to do activities they previously enjoyed), it is advisable to consult with a doctor. child mental health professionalChild psychologists and educational guidance teams can assess the situation in depth and propose an intervention plan adapted to the needs of the child and their family.
The sooner we intervene, better prognosis They will experience school anxiety. We shouldn't wait for the problem to "go away on its own," because in many cases it tends to become chronic and affect self-concept, social relationships, and academic motivation.
Collaboration between family, school and professionals
Collaboration between family and school It is essential for successfully managing school anxiety. Once the problem is detected, it is advisable to maintain a fluid communication with the tutor, with guidance from the center and, if available, with the psychologist who is attending to the child.
Some useful measures The options that the school can adopt, in coordination with the family and professionals, include:
- Allow a gradual incorporation to the classroom if school rejection is very intense.
- Offer support during particularly stressful times (tickets, exams, oral presentations).
- Ensuring an environment free from harassment and act quickly at any sign of bullying.
- Adapt temporarily tasks or assessments to reduce overload while working on anxiety.
The school can also contribute with programs of Emotional educationWorkshops for families and specific teacher training in the detection and management of anxiety disorders in childhood. When all the adults surrounding the child send consistent messages and coordinate their actions, the child's sense of security increases considerably.
Importance of routines and healthy habits
Daily habits greatly influence how a child copes with stress. A tired body, lacking sleep or with too much physical inactivity, is fertile ground for anxiety to take hold. That's why it's essential to also take care of their... more everyday aspects of family life:
- Establish regular sleep schedulesAvoiding screens before bed.
- Promote a balanced diet and avoid excessive consumption of sugars or stimulating drinks.
- Facilitate daily physical activityadapted to the child's age and tastes.
- Book every day playtime and emotional connection that are not focused on academic performance.
A balanced lifestyle does not eliminate school anxiety on its own, but it does improve it. child's ability to manage intense emotions and recover faster from stress. Furthermore, it teaches him from a young age that taking care of the body is also a way of taking care of the mind.
Transforming paralyzing fear A learning and growth experience requires recognizing that school anxiety in children is a complex reality that manifests itself physically, emotionally, socially, and academically, but it is not a definitive sentence. Acknowledging that it is not misbehavior, understanding its causes, validating the child's feelings, and offering them concrete tools, along with collaboration between family, school, and, when necessary, mental health professionals, allows fear to be transformed into learning opportunities. Accompany with patienceGentle firmness and constant affection are the best way for children to once again experience school as a safe space where they can learn, interact, and develop with confidence.