Responsible children from an early age acquire quick skills that help them to mature in balance and happiness. However, it is clear to all of us that each child has its own maturation rate, and that not all follow the same times.
Now, this does not mean that we should downplay the issue of responsibility, since we believe it or not, education begins in the first months of life. The simple process of offering them guidelines, resting, eating and leisure habits, is already setting implicit norms of what is expected of them, and of how they can achieve their own well-being and those small daily achievements. Educating is an adventure, and in «Mothers Today» we want to show you how we can promote responsibility in children.
Responsible children must be able to decide
There are fathers and mothers who think wrongly, that Responsibility is instilled through the most steadfast obedience. It is not true, and therefore we must take into account the following aspects:
Educating does not mean controlling. Educating is knowing how to set an example, being a responsible guide who is capable of fostering learning through love and trust
- If we follow a type of education based on obedience and inflexible rules that control every aspect of the child, we will be vetoing their ability to be responsible. Just the opposite that we pretend.
- When we are overprotective, children become insecure, and insecurity makes children see themselves as unable to do most things on their own.
- We must allow them to be able to give their opinion, to have autonomy on a day-to-day basis to understand the value of effort. For it, you need to offer them confidence and positive verbalizations , the "You can do it", "you are old enough to be responsible for your things."
- When our children are able to choose one thing over the other, it will make them see if they are right or if they have made a mistake. It is important that from time to time we allow them to "make mistakes" so that they obtain the best of learning in this way.
- It is important to remember that when setting standards, the example and the own experience have more power than the simple verbalization. Depending on their age, it will always be convenient to give them certain licenses, certain permissiveness that in turn carry an implicit responsibility.
Show them confidence
The results of the last notes may not have been good. The most immature parents with poor pedagogical skills will limit themselves to punishing the child and to say to him that of "you are clumsy or you are lazy". We must not act in this way.
- If the child does not feel safe or recognized in the family environment, he will have poor self-confidence. Insecurity often creates feelings of failure, with which, it can be a trigger of problems.
- Our children have the right to do things wrong, they can make mistakes and even fail us. Now, if our response is to use sanction, coercion or contempt, we will generate even more negative emotions.
- Offer them confidence and improvement strategies. Talk to them, ask them what happens but without sanctioning. A child who feels safe and cared for is more open, more empathetic.
- When someone notices that others trust their ability to improve, improve and achieve things, their self-perception improves. The greater the personal safety, the greater the responsibility. This is something that we must work on day to day.
New opportunities on a daily basis
Growing up, having a birthday, implies not only buying new clothes. Getting older has the added value of being more responsible every day, and this is something that we are going to have to be aware of since they arrive in the world. You need to see how your child matures and what needs are associated with his maturation. Not all children are the same, nor are they going to use the same advice to become responsible.
- There will be children very restless, forgetful and very dependent on us. As they grow up, it will be necessary for them to depend a little less on their mothers and to gain autonomy: to be able to maintain order in the room, to dress themselves, to remember to put everything in the school backpack ...
- Other children, on the other hand, have always been very focused and responsible from a very young age. In this case, what they will need are stimuli and new opportunities to grow internally. It can be very good for them to enroll them in a music course, in painting, in a sport. It is about opening them up to the world so that they acquire new skills.
Thus, we must take into account the needs of each child. Not everyone grows up in the same way, not everyone has the same personality or sees things the same as their siblings. We must know how to intuit, know them well and give them what they demand.
Respect their personality, children are not the same as parents
Our children are not our clones nor do they have to share our same values or preferences. The issue of children's personality is an issue that always generates a lot of concern in parents.
Why will he be so aggressive and impulsive if his father and I are very calm and focused? This is one of the most common phrases that parents tend to make, surprised by the behavioral variability of their children.
Something that as parents we should know about our children is the following:
- Our children are unique and wonderful people. Our task is to facilitate their way on a day-to-day basis so that they become responsible adults capable of being happy in each of the choices they make.
- Our task is not to delimit their path or clip their wings. If your child is a dreamer and somewhat clueless, do not insist on taking away his dreams or sanctioning or despising his absent-mindedness. Help him to be mature, to become what he wants while respecting his characteristics.
If we insist on changing the personality of a child we will generate stress, a low self-concept and little will to be responsible. They are children who do not feel recognized, and this can cause either to transform this dissatisfaction into anger or rebellion, or to withdraw into himself.
In order to educate responsible children, it is necessary in turn that we make an «inner journey» of self-reflection to take into account these aspects:
- You must always be the best example for them.
- If your parents made mistakes with you, don't insist on doing otherwise. Put aside your fears, and trust yourself, your instincts and especially in the love for your children. Sometimes "ghosts from the past" cause us to develop unwarranted fears.
- When setting rules, handing over responsibilities, rewarding, reinforcing or even punishing, it is necessary that both you and your partner agree on every aspect.
Raising responsible children requires patience, a lot of emotional intelligence and a desire to learn every day with your child. Nobody comes to this world knowing how to be a mother, it is something that is lived every day and that it is a great adventure that deserves to be lived.