The kings are just around the corner and many parents for many generations with the best intention have used the phrase "If you do not behave well the Kings will not bring you anything". Surely as a child they have told you once. It may seem like a safe phrase but in reality there are many reasons not to say it. Today we talk about them so as not to fall into their use.
Children, children are. They are mischievous, they like to push us to the limit, they are capricious and they cannot bear frustration. And parents in their intention that their children follow the rules and behave well can use direct or indirect threats to achieve it. One of them when Christmas approaches and the Three Wise Men is that of "either you behave well or there will be no gifts." It is usually said automatically without thinking about its consequences, but we should reflect on what messages we are sending to our children.
Let's see what are the reasons for Do not threaten your children without gifts from Kings.
It's a full-blown blackmail
Do you want to educate your children through blackmail? Do you want them to be good to receive gifts, love or attention? Because that is the message that you are sending him, that according to his behavior he will receive things / love / attention or on the contrary he will not have them. We will be telling them that they must do what others expect of them if they want to get what they need or want.
Children need to know and feel your unconditional loveregardless of their behavior. If they will not be dependent and submissive adults, they will not behave in a free way but in a conditioned way to satisfy the needs of others.
We are lying to you
The gifts are already purchased and they will have gifts no matter how they behave. Children are not stupid, if they see that we use this phrase and then they receive the same regardless of their behavior we lose credibility.
It is an easy phrase to get your children to behave but you are not educating. We must explain the consequences of their actions when they do something wrong, but without falling into blackmail, be it gifts, food, prizes or love. Let him learn to choose a behavior without getting something in return.
We are educating in fear
One of the worst things we can do as educators is educate through fear. Do you want your child to be educated in fear, punishment and guilt? You are putting fear in the body so that it fulfills what adults expect of it or you will not have what you are most excited about this holiday season.
To educate from respect and love, the right thing to do is to explain the consequences of bad behaviors from affection and help them find a healthy alternative behavior. So the children will know why it is not okay and the consequences it has. It is vital for proper emotional development. Children do not know how to manage their emotions and with phrases like this we do not help them at all.
We must review our repertoire of phrases that is often unconscious, inherited and too well known and also learn the consequences of our words in children. Many times due to lack of patience, time or exhaustion we resort to negative phrases for children. They are in full development and everything we tell them affects their development. Educating is not easy, and that is why parents we must learn techniques, tools and resources to achieve our goal in a satisfactory way without falling into destructive phrases.
Nobody teaches you to be parents and we all carry patterns inherited from many generations ago. Let's break with the destructive, with the threats, with the outright blackmail and educate healthy and happy adults. It is in our power that they develop their individuality with respect and with good self-esteem.
Because remember ... that a phrase is repeated a lot does not mean that it is good. Children are not good or bad, they are just children.