One of the biggest 'fears' that fathers and mothers have regarding the safety of their children is the possibility that other people hurt them, and we are not able to protect them. That is why throughout history families have repeated messages related to self-protection to their children.
In fact, surely (as I did in his day) you talk to your young children about unknown people, and you tell them that it is better not to go with any of them, not to accept gifts, it is natural. But Is it appropriate for them to be afraid of strangers? What if your child is in a hurry and there is no one 'known' around? Who do you ask for help then?
I think that in reality what children should learn is to have criteria, to make decisions, to assess risks, to refuse certain proposals, to know who to trust ... Ugh! It seems like I'm talking about adults, don't get me wrong: a five-year-old can't answer that way, but from the age of 8 they seek independence and begin to leave home (first, little by little, a day will come when they will go home). It is logical, therefore, to take time to talk with them since they are little.
I say this because if you alert a child to the danger of strangers, you are deceiving him, why? because there are strangers who would never harm a child. And on the other hand, it has been shown that in the specific case of Child Sexual Abuse, more than 80 percent are made by people around the child.
Who do children trust?
In my opinion, we have a problem since the dissolution of 'natural communities' and extended families; that is, in addition to the fact that we are evolutionarily prepared to live in larger groups than today's nuclear families, it is easy to conclude that the involvement of several people, facilitates childcare. And it does so even in potentially dangerous situations related to acquaintances.
When children are still very young (up to 6/7 years or so) it is better that you closely follow their movements and know (exactly where and with whom). This includes that although you can delegate to other people (who pick it up, for example, from somewhere), it must be you personally who authorizes, or the adult who lends himself to helping you, who calls you on the phone ('the children have already left music class, do I wait for you to come or do you prefer me to bring your child home?').
And with your children you should also be very clear so that they understand how to act in unforeseen circumstances: 'If one day I don't have time to be at school at five, I will ask (names of people) to bring you home / take you to the park, you can only go with one of them.'
In addition, it is important for children to understand that A stranger is simply someone we don't know well., not necessarily someone dangerous. This prevents them from getting stuck in crowded public spaces where they need to ask for help. During times of increased mobility and family leisure, such as vacations or local festivals, the risks of getting lost or interacting with adults they don't know increase; preparing children with clear guidelines reduces anxiety and improves your reaction capacity.
Of course it's not always that easy
It is not because sometimes they face situations that generate doubts, and also because they grow up, and they no longer need anyone to pick them up or take them anywhere. Parents they continue to have the mission of protecting, and I reiterate the importance of talking about these issues from a young age. To try that they know how to act, I can give you some advice:
- A priori there is safer places than others, you can tell the children why you think they are.
- Get used to notify when they leave home, and say exactly where they are going.
- Even when they are not very small, it is better that go in a group on the street, and stay in public places.
- Anyone can refusing to be kissed or caressed (whoever it is that kisses or caresses). Of course, no one can take off your clothes against your will.
- Which distrust an adult who asks children for help, and even more so if they ask them to come over or get into their car. An older person should know how to solve problems.
- If someone greets you on the street, you can be polite and respond, but They have no obligation to stop and listen to the other person.
- If your son bring gifts home (from sweets, to a mobile phone, passing through toys) and you do not know the origin, or do not dare to tell you, you must be alert and find out its origin.
- Tell him (and repeat it) that he can trust you. his instinct: There is nothing wrong with distancing yourself from someone, no matter how kind they are.
- Good secrets can be kept (you have eaten treats before you eat); the BAD can and should be counted (someone has tried to touch their genitals).
- The example counts, and a lot: if you tell your children that they should not feel obliged to kiss to no one, and in the presence of other people you insist, you are giving a confusing message, perhaps they will not know how to act later.
- Explain things clearly And give them examples so they understand better. Don't instill fear in them, because they could freeze in a real, dangerous situation.
To reinforce these guidelines, incorporate simple tools that increase everyday security: establish a safe word Only family and authorized caregivers should be allowed to meet them; if someone shows up to pick up the child and doesn't know who they are, they shouldn't leave with that person. Also inform those closest to you (grandparents, neighbors, caregivers) of these rules, so that the system remains consistent.
How to explain the concept of “confident” and “deceptive” people
The term “stranger” can be confusing. Sometimes an unfamiliar adult can be helpful (a store employee), and someone close to you can behave inappropriately. Talking about secure and insecure people or “deceptive” help: people who invade space without permission, ask to keep uncomfortable secrets, offer gifts without reason, or try to isolate the child. Teach your children to pay attention to how they feel: if something seems unnatural to them, uncomfortable or confusing, they can move away and look for their reference adult.
Give specific examples so they internalize it better: an adult should not ask a child to get into their car, to accompany them to “look for a lost dog” or to facilitate personal data (address, school, schedule). If someone persists after a “no,” that’s a clear sign that it’s not safe.
Practical self-protection skills to practice
Talking is fine, but children learn best by practicing. Practice role-playing in a calm tone so they acquire specific skills without fear and with confidence. confidence. :
- Posture and voice: stand up straight, look into the eyes and say "No, thanks" with a clear voice in the face of proposals they do not want.
- Safe distance: learning how to position yourself Out of range from an adult who gets too close.
- Getting out of the situation: knowing leave without waiting, even if the person is kind or well-known.
- Make noise and seek help: shout "Do not!" o "Relief!" If someone grabs you or doesn't respect your refusal, run to crowded areas and ask for help.
- Persist in asking for help: If a busy adult doesn't listen, try another; insist until they are attended to.
Also includes “what to do at home”: Do not open the door to anyone without an adult, do not give information over the phone to strangers and know how to act if a stranger approaches the home.
Safety rules with familiar people
Most risks for childhood They occur in close environments. Therefore, in addition to rules with strangers, it is advisable to reinforce limits with acquaintances:
- The body is his: “I belong to myself”. Affection and physical play should be chosen by both partners and be safe.
- Private parts: No one should touch the parts covered by the swimsuit, nor ask the child to touch another person's parts, except health reasons explained and accompanied by a trusted adult.
- No awkward secrets: everything that bothers, scares or confuses it's no secret and tell a trusted adult.
- Saying no to acquaintances: Practice a clear “no” and leave the situation if an acquaintance pressures you, even with bribery or blackmail.
But then who do they ask for help?
You were probably waiting for the answer to this question, and I confess that it is more complicated than it seems, especially if they are away from home and there is no family member, friend or neighbor nearby. There are some accepted guidelines that can help: walk into a store to ask for a phone (or tell the clerk they need to call the parents), look around and go to a police officer, look for mothers with their children (or families) and value asking for help. If they are in a large area they can ask a guard for help; in a supermarket to a worker (they will know it by the clothing); ...
To make it even clearer, agree on reference points in large places (main entrance, information) and a meeting plan If you get separated. If the child goes without you, have them carry their name, adult's contact information, and any allergies in a pocket. As they grow, they can memorize a phone number and your address.
And it is also useful to have a decisive behavior in extreme situations, such as an attempted assault, or someone trying to take them by the arm to take them somewhere, the answer would be:
- Say no.
- Run away (or try to).
- Shout to be heard.
- After the scare they explain to someone what happened.
Also practice how to get the attention of adults if they are lost: go to staff identified by their uniform or accreditation; if you can't find staff, find a family with children and ask them to call their adult. Repeat that it's okay. ask a stranger for help when there is an emergency and there are no known people nearby.
Guidelines according to age and maturity level
Not all children are ready for the same things at the same age. Adjust expectations and safety rules to its development:
- Early Childhood (3-6): Repeat simple rules, identify helpful adults in photos (police, store staff), practice saying “no” and keep distance.
- Middle childhood (7-9): introduces the safe word, known routes, how to ask for help and carry contact information.
- Preadolescence (10-12): reinforces limits with acquaintances, practice of Scenarios more realistic, gradual autonomy with agreed times and places.
- Adolescence: frank conversation about peer pressure, dating boundaries, digital security, and how to manage secrets and manipulation.
When there are learning or attention difficulties
Some children are more vulnerable because they have trouble interpreting social cues or regulating impulses. The key is in the messages. clear, brief and repeated, with concrete examples and frequent practice:
- Define “deceitful people” Simply put: people asking for secrets, invading space, offering gifts for no reason, or asking to go to a secluded place.
- role play Very specific: What do you do if a little-known neighbor invites you to his house? What if a security guard asks you to go to a warehouse alone?
- Visual scripts: cards with steps “NO – I'M LEAVING – I'M LOOKING FOR HELP".
- Positive reinforcement: Praise them when they ask for help, respect limits, and use the safe word.
Parenting that builds self-confidence, resilience, and security
Personal security relies on self-confidence and a strong emotional bond. Unconditionally accepting children, listening to their emotions, and validating what they feel strengthens their ability to say "no" and ask for help when they need it. Some keys:
- Unconditional acceptance: valuing who they are, not who we want them to be; reinforces a positive self image.
- Constant and empathetic support: being available when they are going through difficulties fosters resilience.
- Avoid labels: each child has their own talents; making mistakes is part of the process. learning.
- Model courage: Adults are an example; if we show respectful limits and self-care, they learn by observing.
Positive Discipline helps you be kind and firm at the same time. Some useful practices: establish clear boundaries and consistent according to age, observe before reacting, speak briefly and concisely, avoid preaching, validate emotions and encourage cooperation Instead of confrontation. Children need habits of respect: eye contact, physical contact when communicating, and not asking questions when behavior is necessary (washing hands, crossing hands), but guiding clearly.
Safety in crowded spaces, events, and vacations
At beaches, local festivals, concerts, or shopping malls, there's more noise and distractions. It's not about improvising: anticipate it so that your child doesn't get scared or blocked.:
- “Before leaving” in three steps: agree meeting point, remember the rule of not leaving with anyone without warning and check contact information.
- Discreet ID: bracelet or card with name and phone number; avoid displaying the full address in sight.
- “In sight” rule: If you lose sight of your adult, move towards him. agreed point or ask for help from the staff on site.
- Brief training: arrive, locate exits, information desks, and uniformed staff.
Basic Digital Safety for Kids and Tweens
Today, security also involves digital technology. Some simple rules, presented with naturalness, make a difference:
- Do not chat or accept requests from anyone you do not know in person and do not trust your family.
- Do not share personal data (address, school, routines, real-time location) or private photos.
- Configure privacy in apps and disable it geolocation default.
- If something bothers or scares you online, take a screenshot, leave the conversation, and tell an adult.
- Informed parents: agreed device checks, usage times, and open channels for ask first.
It is about acting with common sense, and not leaving aside an issue as important as that of child safetyThey come first, not what other people think about your parenting style. A situation may be harmless to children, but you have the right to refuse (for example) a kiss. By the way, trust is something that should never be lacking in families, but you must earn it in your children, so that they come to you when they have problems. We also include personal online protection within this content to reinforce its overall security.