One of the great challenges as parents is to be fair in the discipline we impose on our children. You've surely heard of the positive discipline, is the application of different tools and teaching that helps adults understand inappropriate behavior in children, promotes positive attitudes towards children and teaches them to have good behavior. It is therefore about learning as parents.
In this article we talk about its origins and we give you some keys so that you can perform this positive discipline.
The foundation of positive discipline
Positive discipline is based on the thoughts of Alfred Adler and Rudolph Dreikurs, who developed a concept of individual psychology that helps to improve interpersonal relationships of the individual, family and society. Rudolph Dreikurs, one of his followers would write different books, for teachers and parents, in which different tools of this thinking were explained.
The basis is to develop boys and girls who are winners, that is, they are cooperators and responsible. Reach problem solving and self-discipline in an environment of respect.
Positive discipline puts emphasis on the concepts of dignity and respect between parents and children. It is a discipline based on cooperation and sharing responsibilities. Broadly speaking, we could say that the keys to these tools are in:
- Maintain dignity and respect for both the parents and the child. To the same extent.
- Set long-term goals.
- Focus on solutions, not on punishments.
- Find out what the child wants or has decided. The answer may not be what you want as a parent.
- Teach him to work out solutions, encouraging him to cooperate and develop life skills.
And don't forget that no two children are the same, you have to be flexible.
Family reunions
Family reunions have many benefits for all members. There are skills and tools, such as the ease of expressing thoughts and emotions, cooperation, empathy, mutual respect, creativity, assuming tasks, responsibility, that are acquired in a natural way through these meetings. Do not call them only in crisis situations.
You can do meetings on a regular basis, in a schedule in which all the people of the family can be. Parents also have to assume this obligation, leaving aside other priorities that may arise. Positive discipline is discipline for everyone. You can establish an agenda or topics to be discussed. It is important to start recognizing what another family member has done well, and give it its value.
One trick to make the meeting a success is to talk about a situation that has occurred between siblings. Without making anyone guilty of it and that each member contributes their creative, and good ideas for possible solutions.
Be generous or be firm?
They are not actually contradictory. You can be generous, generous, while firm. The formula for your sons and daughters to become capable people is to establish that balance between firmness and generosity.
Means firmly use the principles of reliability appropriately, and generosity would be to maintain dignity and respect between both parties. An excess of generosity invites children to manipulate and evade responsibility, while being firm without being generous invites them to be rebellious and defy authority.
Ask your children What? How? Why? How are you going to act next time?, instead of giving you the answer of what an action implies. Help them develop their thinking and judgment skills. Instead of asking trick questions, which you already know the answer to begins with "I noticed that" you have not brushed your teeth, you are not studying much lately. If the child denies it, we can say that we have made a mistake and that we would like them to prove it to us. Or you may explain to us why you have taken this behavior.