We always tend to be aware of everything that the little ones in the house do. With what purpose? Well, with preventing them from harming themselves, reaching objects they shouldn't or falling down the stairs, etc. But although all this would mean great physical pain, we must also protect them from internal pain. For this reason, there are a series of phrases that hurt a lot.
Although most of the time we say them unconsciously, we do have to try to make the anger don't get over us There are phrases that it is better not to say to children because they are healing and do them a lot of emotional damage. If the situation exceeds us, we must ask to ask and prevent it from happening again. Next we are going to explain a series of phrases that you must write down, to eliminate from your vocabulary and never say to your children again!
Phrases that hurt your children: 'You are like your mother / father!'
Using this line on your child not only lets them know that what they are doing is wrong, it makes them feel like they inherited it from a parent and that they shouldn't be responsible for their actions. It also informs your child about complaints you have with his other parent, which can make him feel somewhat divided. Instead, try saying, "I'm not happy with x because x." Because otherwise the comparisons will come to light and always in negative terms. What makes them not feel good at all and that they stay with that negative part of the sentence.
'I told you'
This is the last thing anyone wants to hear when something goes wrong. Yes, you may have been right about what you warned your son about, but consoling him instead of throwing him in the face will make him feel more open to talking to you in the future. It is to insist again that those around him knew that that moment of reproach was going to come, except for the interested party himself. It seems that it is the typical phrase of absolute failure and that is how the smallest of the house can feel. Something that we do not want to happen because we need them to always have a high self-esteem. Instead, you can say something like, "I'm sorry this happened, but you will learn from it."
'Learn from your brother'
It is a phrase that the vast majority of us have heard at some point. Because those who did not have siblings had to listen to the comparison with cousins or closest friends. Something that, without a doubt, made the listener very sad. It has always been said that comparisons are odious and a phrase like this could not have hit the nail on the head. They can generate certain rivalries, in addition to lowering self-esteem, since he can suffer when he is told this. If they are compared to a sibling or anyone else, it makes them feel that they are not enough. Instead, try not to compare your child with others to convince him to do something.
'I'll punish you'
It is true that it is one of those phrases that we can say when other ways do not work for bad behavior. That is why, when we are really tired or angry, words like these will come out of our mouths. But if we think about it, they will only generate more fear. Which leads to the fact that in the end they do what we want but because they fear us. Surely it is not what you want in your family life. Although on the other hand, if we say it and do not comply with it, the children also believe that there are no real consequences but that generating fear continues to be the main protagonist. That of: If you don't behave yourself, you won't have a birthday present! You have always given him something when the day came. This form of blackmail will not be beneficial at all. So, try to put more real solutions and practice by example because we are your mirror.
'When I was your age I used to smoke/drink/do drugs'
It is not always better to tell your children about certain experiences, as they may think that they will excuse themselves from the consequences if they do it themselves. The "but you said x when you were my age" will always bother you again. Instead, try talking to your kids about the consequences of smoking, drinking, or using drugs. So remember that it's okay to tell them about your adolescence or maturity, but try to make it totally different details or events than those mentioned.
'It's just a little white lie'
Once kids become familiar with the term "little white lie," they think it's okay to do it all the time. Instead, try to explain when it's okay to use white lies to be polite and not hurt someone's feelings. Before the lines between the lies and the little white lies blur for them. We must always make it clear to them that the truth goes everywhere and that lies have very short legs. So it's not an avenue to get into. Whether pious or not. One of the phrases to clarify thoroughly!
'I'm sick of you'
It is true that a boy or girl can have behavior that tires us out because they do not pay attention to us, for example. So our anger can increase greatly. But when we come to a phrase like this, the impact on the little ones in the house is brutal. Because for a few seconds they have the feeling that they are worthless, that we really make them suffer, and this is quite an important impact. So, we have to control the anger and speak clearly to it. You can tell them that you are fed up with the situation, but not with them.
'You're mean, foolish, useless…'
All these insults must be out of our vocabulary. Because if we really think about it, they are words or phrases with very negative connotations and that destroy the self-esteem of any boy or girl. These will believe that they have all those qualities and instead of changing, they will assume them because their father or mother has told them so. So, we must focus on what they need to change, telling them what they have done wrong and help them make that change with various alternatives. Starting with the positive things, we will always have a better result.
'Don't cry, it's not that bad either'
What if for them it is? Who are we to curb their feelings? We already know that there are little ones who are more sentimental than others and this is not a bad thing, quite the opposite. We must let them show their thoughts and when they need us, let them know that we will be there with all our support. Only in this way will we ensure that they do not hide their feelings, because they will be used to letting them out and that no one will blame them for it.
'Study or you will achieve nothing in life'
The problem with grades has always generated many arguments at home with parents. For this reason, when the suspense came in the notes, phrases like the one mentioned were quite common. What made the sadness double: for the words and for the notes. The boy or girl will feel inferior and really worthless. Therefore, we must reinforce learning, help them achieve it and look for other alternative ways. How many of these phrases have you said at least once?