All parents must endure at some point people who judge the way we raise our children, but worst of all is that they can make us feel that we are doing it wrong. If you've ever been through this and someone has judged your work as a parent, It's time to stop giving importance to those words, because no one can judge the raising your children.
All parents in the world who love and respect their children will look for the best way of parenting, at least what they think or consider to be the best at a given moment and only by this will you be on the right path. No one who dares to judge you knows who you really are. And the effort you put into raising your children, because they're not in your shoes. But there are also some specific people. that they should not judge your children's upbringing, and if they do, accept their words but don't give them any weight. Learning to educate with respect helps to support those decisions.
And I am sure that since you became a mother you have received an avalanche of advice, suggestions, diagnoses and evaluations from both close and non-close people. It is possible that this behavior is because of how our culture is, a society in which conventional wisdom has been approved through the generations and that we really like this and carry it out, although it can be difficult in some situations.
What I cannot deny is that the vast majority of people who give you advice will do so with all their good intentions, but it does not mean that you have to do what they tell you. You need to respond firmly and kindly to other people's comments to assert your position without losing class or having to hurt anyone's feelings. Think that they do it with all their good intention, although sometimes it is not the most successful.
Friends or family who do not have children
Have you ever received parenting advice from someone who doesn't even have children? Even if they're your best friend, as long as they don't have children and don't know exactly what it's like to be a parent, Their opinions can be received, but that's it..
On many occasions these people they think they know what is best for you and your children just for the sake of knowing some theory, maybe they have studies? It does not matter what studies you have regarding child care or development, because until you are a parent you don't really know what it means and what feelings come into play.
It is important set limits so that these annoyances don't affect the friendship and that there are no meaningless frictions in the future. Explain your mother's point of view to really instruct the conversation and the other person will understand that you don't need to say much more because practice always beats theory.
When the conversation drags on, you can use short phrases that end respectfully: “Thank you for your interest; we prefer to follow our pediatrician’s recommendations.”, “I’ll keep that in mind, this is working for us right now.”These responses defuse confrontational debate and help you protect your energy.
It also helps to agree on boundaries beforehand with your partner to maintain a common stance. Introduce yourselves as a team It reduces attempts by third parties to "convince" one or the other with arguments that may generate tension.
The grandparents
Grandparents are the next people by nature who will love your children the most after you and your partner. They, whenever they give you advice or judge your way of acting, they will do it thinking about the good of your child, but of course, if what they say does not do it to reassure you and they begin to exaggerate you may feel stressed and that you have the horrible feeling that you are doing something wrong.
So that there is no break in the bond with your parents because there is no agreement between the points of view, it is necessary that you respect their words but that you establish clear limits regarding the upbringing of your children. Smile, thank and do what you consider really appropriate. Never lose a good bond with your parents or in-laws for this reason.
Establishing written “house rules” works very well: sleep habitsscreens, sugars, routinesShare them with love, explaining why. And if they do things differently at home, agree on "what is and isn't allowed" to avoid undermining each other in front of the child.
When boundaries are crossed, use a kind but firm response: “We know you do it with love; we need this to be done for their well-being.”If it persists, limit that specific situation (for example, by withholding certain foods) while maintaining the connection in other areas. For respectful correction strategies, consult [a professional/resource/etc.]. how to apply positive parenting.
The parents of your child's classmates
Picking up children from school can be a great exercise in patience for many parents. It seems that in these situations, the normal thing to talk about is the children and their development or values. You can always find "super moms" or "super dads" to tell you what you're doing wrong with your child or to give you their advice of the day. If a parent at school makes you uncomfortable with their comments, ignore them; simply take a few deep breaths, smile, and don't respond. It's not being unfriendly, it's being practical when faced with comments from people who are very likely toxic for you.
Besides the school gate, the class chats They can be a source of judgment. If controversy arises, focus on facts (schedules, materials, notices) and avoid parenting debates. You can respond: “This chat is for class information; if you want, we can open a social one.” or simply not participate in sensitive issues.
If someone criticizes you for helping your child carry something they forgot, try this: “We are working on its organization; today our priority is that you enjoy your activity.”Communicate context without over-justifying yourself to set a respectful boundary.
The relatives from the mountains and far away
In addition to your parents there are also uncles, aunts, cousins, cousins, in-laws, mothers-in-law, sisters-in-law, brothers-in-law, nephews, nieces, godfathers, godmothers and many more people who make up your family. They all love you and want the best for you, but One way they show their care is by giving you advice about what they think you can do better in raising your children.
Family gatherings are often the perfect time for these kinds of situations, so if you receive a lot of unsolicited opinions or advice, such as about the best diet, when to potty train, sleep habits, the best educational activities, etc., as always: smile, nod, and If you're not interested, don't give it any more importance..
It is important that you be careful in the words you dedicate to them That is why it is necessary that you decide what is debatable and what is not in reference to the upbringing of your children. He appreciates their words, but every parent will know what is best for their children. If there is something they tell you that you are interested in or want to learn more or are you asking for advice, then great… but when it's free advice that you haven't asked for, just be polite.
A good strategy is to "thank without conceding": “Thank you for your concern; for now we will continue like this.”If someone persists, change the subject or ask to talk about it privately. Protect your child from conversations where they are labeled or compared to others. avoiding labels like “capricious” or “bad”.
Do you think there are more people in your life who should not have an opinion on how raising your children should or should not be? Do you prefer to receive them only if you have previously requested them?
When criticism comes from the internet: “mom-shaming”
Today, in addition to face-to-face comments, there are judgments on social media that easily go viral. “Mom-shaming” consists of publicly ridiculing or criticizing someone. parenting decisions (breastfeeding, sleep, feeding, work, etc.). Anonymity intensifies aggression and can be very hurtful.
Given this, you decide personal exposure policyWhat you share, with whom, and how you respond. Consider not reading comments, blocking or reporting accounts, and surrounding yourself with communities that promote [the following]. “sisterhood of motherhood”: support each other, learn, and abandon criticism as our guiding principle.
Remember that there are no absolute truths in parenthood. What works for one family may not work for another. The diversity of choices is not a threat, it is an asset for conversation and to build respect.
Topics that polarize the most: breastfeeding, co-sleeping, baby-led weaning, and babywearing
The most heated arguments often arise over sensitive issues. Breastfeeding versus bottle-feeding, babywearing, co-sleeping, or complementary feeding methods (such as baby-led weaning) create opposing camps. Whatever your informed choice, you deserve respect..
If you breastfeed and decide to continue, you'll be told that the baby "will get used to it." If you choose bottle-feeding, you might hear that "it's not the same." All options are valid if they are focused on the well-being of the baby and the familyYour context and your health matter as much as theory.
With co-sleeping, some families find rest and bonding; others prefer separate rooms. The essential things are safety, rest, and agreement between the adults.It is not a statement of principles, it is a practical solution that can change depending on the stage.
Babywearing and baby-led weaning (BLW) inspire passion. Whether you carry your baby or use a stroller, offer purees or pieces, The key is safety, support, and respect for individual rhythms.When faced with comments, remember: you don't need to defend your resume; only your calm conviction and your personal evidence.
Why are some people bothered by respectful parenting?
Parenting based on respect and secure attachment sometimes generates resistance. It's not always because of the choice itself. but for what it awakens in each person's historySome people, upon seeing close relationships, connect with their own shortcomings and react defensively. If you want to learn more about how to strengthen that connection, check out how to strengthen the emotional bond.
From a psychological perspective, it is understood that some criticisms stem from jealousy or from a unconscious desire to validate one's own styleRecognizing this helps to create distance: judgment says more about the judge than about you.
Instead of engaging in battles of reason, practice the self-empathy And surround yourself with your tribe: friends, groups, supportive professionals. This support reduces the feeling of isolation and reminds you that caring for others is also caring for yourself.
Sample responses to criticism, advice, and when others correct your child
You are not required to give exhaustive explanations or share sensitive information. Have "bridging" phrases ready that will help you in the moment:
- Unsolicited advice: “Thanks for the information; I’ll check with his pediatrician.” “I’m interested in your experience; we’re continuing with our plan right now.” You respond kindly, without starting a debate..
- Direct criticisms: “We’re comfortable with this decision, and it works for us.” “I see you think differently; I respect that.” You set a limit and close it.To understand why punishment is not the solution, consult Why punishment doesn't mean hitting.
- Comparisons: “Every child has their own pace; ours is going very well.” You avoid labels and protect their self-esteem.
- When someone tries to discipline your child: “Thank you, I’ll take care of it.” “We’re working on this at home; we prefer to deal with it as a family.” You regain your role without confrontation.
Common situations and how to respond calmly:
- Forgetfulness and organization: “She’s developing routines; today we’re prioritizing her enjoyment of the activity.” You offer context without justifying yourself.
- Mobility and restlessness (e.g., ADHD): “He has trouble staying still; we are supporting him and prefer to treat him as a family.” You protect their privacy and you prevent it from becoming a "group topic".
- Diets and fads: “We follow the instructions of the professional who knows your case.” He closes the door on pseudo-recommendations.
When to listen or ask for advice
Listening is valuable when the advice is requested, respectful and evidence-basedLook for reliable sources: pediatricsChild psychologists, trained educators, and doulas. If a topic overwhelms you (sleep, feeding, tantrums), Asking for help is an act of lovenot a failure.
Define your “trusted panel”: a few well-chosen people who support you without judgment and understand your context. It will give you the calm to filter out the noise and stand by your decisions with serenity.
Choosing how to raise children is a family's most intimate task. Your best compass is the bond you build every dayYour child's well-being, and your own, are important. In a world that has an opinion on everything, protecting your judgment, your peace of mind, and your home is a gesture of respect that leaves a lasting mark on childhood and adulthood.
