Normally, children are cared for by their parents. However, this is not the case in all families and there are some in which even the roles are completely reversed, being the children who end up assuming the responsibilities of their parents and even acting as parents of their own parents. It is what is known as parentification.
Depending on their age, children must learn to perform certain tasks and even take responsibility for them. But when it's a dysfunctional dynamics the one that forces children to assume tasks such as caring, cooking or any other that represents a responsibility greater than what corresponds to their age and maturity becomes a problem. A problem that affects not only the child, but the adult self of her.
What is parentification?
The term parentification was coined by the Hungarian-American psychiatrist Iván Böszörményi-Nagy, who observed that this phenomenon was very common in dysfunctional families. In families where the functions and roles of parents and children are not well defined.
This process is aggravated when parents have problems integrating in society because: they suffer from some type of personality disorder, such as narcissistic or dependent disorder; suffer from depression or anxiety; are alcoholics or drug addicts; and/or experience severe financial hardship. Conditions that make it impossible for the father and/or mother to exercise as such.
Types of parentification
There are two types of parentification, emotional and physical or instrumental. Neither of the two is positive, but the first is the one that has the greatest consequences for children, not only while they are children but also when they grow up.
- Emotional. It occurs when parents expect their children to comfort them emotionally. In other words, they are the ones who calm them down when they are upset or protect them from the emotional consequences derived from their actions. They thus become dependent on the little ones and expect them to play an active role in their well-being.
- Physical or instrumental. In this type of parentification, the children take care of domestic or economic needs, such as preparing meals, taking care of the purchases, taking care of other siblings, or even working. Tasks that should be the responsibility of the parents.
Consequences in the child
How does it affect having suffered parentification during childhood? This tends to mold hyper-responsible boys and girls with difficulties to relax. Boys and girls who feel the need to be self-sufficient and who see it as a hassle to ask for help.
Hyper-responsibility and self-sufficiency are often valued as positive and rewarded qualities. However, in the case of these children, these qualities are acquired out of necessity and suddenly, which can present serious consequences for their psychological development.
It is common for a child victim of parentification to suffer alterations in physical, emotional, intellectual and social development. The feeling that she never had a childhood and the impossibility of paying attention to her feelings in favor of those of her parents and/or siblings often leads to communication difficulties during adolescence.
The need to develop some independence and to learn certain things earlier than normal could have positive repercussions for the adult of tomorrow. However, you can only be like this if the emotional wounds they are not too deep and do not affect your life as an adult.
Did you know the term parentification? Have you heard of this dangerous reversal of roles between parents and children? It is not usually easy to identify him since without knowing the family, the child's attitude could be disguised as a "very responsible child" who is flattered by everyone. But, do you know of any cases or have you heard of one?