Imagine that you are going to drop your little ones off to school in the morning, and imagine that you do not take them to one of those centers that are "open" to the community, where parents can freely enter and participate ... Thinking, thinking, it gives me for also asking you to imagine the following scene: as soon as the little girl is released from your hand, her teacher crouches down to be at her height, receives her warmly and waving to you, talks softly with the little girl as they go to the classroom. And although the latter may not be so frequent, Yes, it is true that before the oldest one arrives at his group of classmatesMay they welcome him with hugs and confidences. You'll feel more at ease, I'm sure you will.
So far, so normal (do you agree?). What is difficult to imagine, however, is the moment when the people in charge at Saint Patrick's School in Geelong (state of Victoria / Australia), made the decision to prohibit hugging between students in their educational centerI assume that not every moment is a good time to be hugged, and that not everyone feels comfortable when someone wants to hug them; however, when there is respect and acceptance For the other person, hugs have a huge therapeutic effect on us (including children).
As you imagine, the news has caused controversy, because it seems absurd and unnatural to "instruct" students to learn other ways of showing affection such as a handshake or knuckle-bumping (Really?). And yet, the principal insists that the rule has been misinterpreted, since there isn't actually a general prohibition, but students are encouraged to try other methods. The justification they've come up with is "respect for personal space."
More hugs, please!
Hugs are a gift emotional stability and they are very important in personal relationships: they are considered to have healing effects by releasing endorphins y oxytocinThey can relax, prevent blockages, and increase the self-confidence of the person receiving them. Hugging is so simple, so everyday, so easy to do that we don't even think about its positive effects, but the body and brain react as if it were genuine emotional medicine.
From the moment we are born, the first major contact we have with another person is with our mother or caregiver: a warm hug that envelops the baby's entire bodyThat first demonstration of love not only calms the crying, but also sends signals of safety, belonging, and protection to the brain. What began as an instinctive way to provide warmth and comfort eventually became a expression of tenderness and bond which has extended to couples, families and friends.
As we grow, the way we hug changes and adapts to each relationship: a mother's hug is not the same as a partner's hug, a friend's hug, or a child's hug. Intensity, duration, and physical proximity They vary depending on the type of bond and the degree of trust, but in all cases the underlying message is the same: "I am with you, I see you and I care about you."
Psychological and neuroscientific research has shown that a long, warm hugA sustained hug, lasting at least a few seconds, is especially beneficial: it strengthens the immune system, reduces blood pressure, relaxes muscles, calms anxiety, and promotes nonverbal communication. All of this happens without words, simply through physical contact and the affectionate intention of the person embracing.
It is true that we must allow the little ones make decisions about when to get hugs or kisses, and this is one of the pillars in the prevention of Child Sexual Abuse: get girls and boys to own the decisions about their body, and refuse if they do not want someone to get closer than necessary, or touch them. I understand that when the mentioned school tries to avoid hugs, they do so thinking about any type of abuse; But this measure will only result in very confused children. who will fall short in their displays of affection.
At the same time, teaching children to decide when to hug or be hugged does not mean reducing contact to a minimum, but quite the opposite: it is about educating them in the consent and respectSo that hugs are free, desired, and pleasurable for both parties. A child who learns to say "I don't want a hug right now" also learns to ask for one when needed, thus developing a healthy self-esteem and emotional security.
Physical and emotional benefits of hugs
Hugs aren't just nice gestures or tender scenes. They have a real impact on the body and mind. When we hug with presence and affection, the body releases a series of substances that promote well-being. One of the best known is... oxytocinoften called the "bonding hormone" or "cuddle hormone," this substance strengthens emotional bonds, reduces stress, and fosters trust in others.
In addition to oxytocin, the body increases the production of endorphinsThese are natural painkillers. Thanks to them, a hug can offer comfort in a moment of pain, sadness, or frustration. It doesn't solve the problem, but it makes the emotional burden more bearable, offering a sense of relief and company that allows us to move forward.
At a physiological level, a good hug contributes to relax the musclesSlowing breathing and lowering blood pressure are physical changes that reduce anxiety and help regulate the nervous system, which is especially valuable for children who are still learning to manage intense emotions like fear, anger, or shame.
Hugs also have an effect on the immune system. Affectionate physical contact promotes the production of certain white blood cells and contributes to a better response to external agents. That's why hugs are considered a form of... comprehensive careThey not only nourish the emotional world, but also directly influence the overall health of the organism.
On a psychological level, hugging and being hugged strengthens the emotional tiesIt improves self-esteem, fosters altruism and empathy, and helps overcome fears. A child who grows up surrounded by clear and respectful physical displays of affection tends to feel more secure. self-confident and trusting others, which translates into better personal relationships throughout life.
It's not about prohibiting, it's about inhibiting, but the effect is the same.
The principal mentioned that he wasn't just referring to hugs between students, but also with adults (teachers). I don't see why a teacher can't hug a sad student. If it happened, we'd be surprised because we're used to it. deny affection to childrenOr perhaps we consider it inappropriate, but would it be logical to think that a student should have to spend at least five hours a day without receiving a hug, even if they needed one? Is being a tutor incompatible with showing affection? It is striking that affectionate contact is viewed as suspicious while other, much colder forms of communication are considered "correct".
You're probably thinking, "How awful! I'd tell my children that of course they can keep hugging each other!" But look, I have a very recent example where the teacher's closeness to the students (read: they loved him so much that while he was in the cafeteria before the school doors opened, they would gather around him to tell him their worries and listen to him), He was the object of suspicion from several mothers and several fatherswho complained to the principal. And this didn't happen in Australia or some distant past, but in our country, in a current school setting.
Whenever ambiguous messages such as "it's best not to hug to avoid problems" are sent in an educational setting, children and adolescents are given the idea that affectionate contact is dangerous or inappropriate. It is not explicitly prohibited, but it is inhibited.And the long-term effect is very similar to a direct prohibition: less spontaneity, more fear of showing affection, and increasing emotional confusion.
Of course, it is essential to distinguish very clearly between affection and abuseEducating children about protection means teaching them to say "no" to uncomfortable contact, to identify risky situations, and to ask for help. But confusing "affection" with "danger" can deprive them of one of the most powerful tools they have for regulating their emotions: a warm and respectful hug from someone they trust.
Instead of eliminating hugs from school life, it would be much healthier to train teachers and families in clear boundaries, consent, and emotional supportA teacher can learn to ask, “Would you like a hug?” before offering one to a sad student, or to offer a hand on the shoulder, a look, and words of comfort when physical contact is not appropriate. The key is not to avoid affection, but to show it safely and with explicit consent.
When and how to hug: respect, consent and authenticity
Be very careful not to confuse affection with abuse, because anyone can benefit from a hug (a consensual one, of course), but especially children, who need to be surrounded by love. Hugs are like a feeling: They are not imposed or forcedThey simply arise when there is love and a desire to connect. That's precisely why it's so important to teach children to listen to their own bodies and respect those of others.
We can teach our children that a hug can mean many things: “I love you,” “You’re doing well,” “You can do it,” “I’m here for you and I’ll always be here for you.” When this message is repeated over time through affectionate touch, children feel they have a safe place A place to return to, even in the midst of difficulties. That feeling of inner refuge is one of the foundations of a healthy and confident personality.
At the same time, it's essential to respect that not all children, nor all adults, are comfortable with the same degree of physical contact. Some need frequent hugs, while others prefer more discreet displays of affection. Teaching children to ask, "Would you like a hug?" or to accept, "I'd prefer just to hold your hand," is a wonderful way to practice this. consent in everyday life and to normalize the idea that each person can set their own limits.
And while I'm at it, can I give you one last piece of advice? Hug when the other person lets you, hug your children, your partner, your parents, your friends…; But above all, give hugs when they ask for them.Embrace that confused girl going through adolescence, the little one who yelled at you in a fit of anger a few minutes ago and is now repentant and begging for your love, the one who has had a bad day, the one celebrating a great joy, or the one who is too tired to explain to you in words what he feels.
Displays of affection in the form of hugs are, in the end, a silent language It strengthens bonds, heals everyday wounds, and reminds us that we are not alone. Nurturing this language, protecting it from unjustified fear, and teaching it with respect and consent is one of the best emotional legacies we can leave our children.
Images — kainr, caitlinator.