We have recently learned that the Provincial Court of Valencia has overturned the dismissal of a previously archived case. It all began with a complaint filed by parents alleging mistreatment of their two-year-old child at a nursery school in the city. As you can imagine, this has caused quite a stir and generated a lot of controversy.The child was not the only one who suffered abuse of power by the daycare workers, as several others were punished by being made to stand or left alone in a dark, locked classroom (a horror, really...).
The families trust a priori in the professionalism of the teaching staff who take care of the girls and boys in their different educational stages; I would also like that in addition to having been trained to educate and care for babies, children and adolescents, were emotionally able to take care of complex and highly sensitive beings As they grow, they develop different psychological, social, physical, and cultural needs. It's often said that these jobs require a lot of motivation, but also a lot of stability and... "knowing how to behave"because the intended protection can easily turn into emotional harm to students.
I say this because (now I am not referring to the specific topic at hand) I have known more than one case in which I have had to ask myself “what does this person know about child psychology?” The intended protection can easily turn into deep emotional harm. if there is a lack of training, emotional regulation, and clear care criteria.
To get into the subject, I can assure you that Locking a child (aged 2, 8, or 12) in a dark place as punishment is very degrading, but it is also neglect. because a fundamental need is being neglected. This need could be attention to emotions: those automatic mechanisms we use in response to external stimuli, which, in children, require guidance and regulation from adults.
And since the attention (let alone management) of emotions is one of the great forgotten in education, I would suggest that we perceive them as allies, even in situations in which the child, by age, is subject to stress, or for whatever reason, is unable to offer adequate responses. In my opinion, this is where the true worth of an education professional would be revealed.who – moreover – is an adult, and therefore more capable of understanding his students, containing them and accompanying them without resorting to fear.
Punish by locking up?
Wow, the repressive education that the elderly have received for years is still worth it, and even worse!, are legion the people who rely on punishment (including physical) as an educational method, when it is not. You just have to read some comments in reviews of the news: there are those who deny the facts ("my nephews have gone there, it is not possible for such a thing to happen"), who drops that "a slap in time is the most adequate, they gave it to me and nothing has happened to me ”(ahem ... Doesn't justifying violence mean that physical punishment has left its mark?), Etc.
Furthermore, there are still adults who advocate locking a child in their room or in a "dark room" when they have a tantrum or "misbehave," believing that this teaches them who is in charge. This idea that confinement is educational is part of a culture that normalizes everyday violence.It disguises it as discipline and disconnects the adult from the child he once was and still carries within.
Before these practices can be changed, many people need to do some inner work: look in the mirror and recognize that The slaps, the shouting, the insults, and the confinement they experienced as children did leave a mark.As adults, they may have developed mechanisms to minimize it (“nothing happened to me”), but their fear, anger, or difficulty expressing affection speak of those invisible scars. This journey often resembles a grieving process: first acceptance, then understanding why their parents acted that way, and, if desired, forgiveness. This inner healing takes time and is key to breaking the cycle.
For the moment, society as a whole, he still does not know what the impact of abuse of any kind is on the lives of children: in current life and in the futureAs an example, I'll tell you that, among other consequences, what is known as the reproduction of abuse hypothesis can occur, about which there is still much debate, although Green (in 1998) confirmed it. That is, the abused child may abuse other people years later, and that would be a compelling reason for us to consider a profound change in our relationships with young children. But there is also the possibility of toxic stress, and other effects that we will not discuss in detail now.
Locking a child up as punishment is considered in developmental psychology manuals a form of emotional abuse and, in many cases, neglectTwo basic needs are violated: the need for safety (the child is isolated in a context perceived as dangerous or frightening) and the need for attachment (the figure who should comfort them becomes a source of fear). When confinement is repeated, the child may develop a sense of abandonment: they feel that, when they most need help, they are left alone.
I always advise that if common sense fails us and we lose sight of the true sense of protecting minors, Let's imagine an act that is potentially harmful to a child as if it were going to be carried out on an adult.To you, the one reading this, think about this: “On Monday, your boss gets angry with you because you talk too much and bother your colleagues, so he takes you to the dark room and leaves you there for an hour.” How humiliating! How infuriating! How sad! Right? For a child, a baby in this case! It's much worse, among other things because they trust their caregivers, and also because they don't have the same concept of time as you. What if what is 30 minutes for you had been 2 hours for that little one? Ugh!
Violence causes immense suffering, and Abuse is violencealso when it is exercised in the name of education.
From the perspective of child mental health professionals, Locking a child in a room or closet is a classic example of neglectThe child is deprived of supervision, emotional support, and sometimes even physical safety. Many international child abuse prevention guidelines explicitly list these behaviors as forms of abuse or serious neglect, on par with leaving a child alone for hours or failing to attend to their medical needs.
We still educate in fear
We want books to disappear and our children learn by projects, we want more ICT resources in the classrooms, we want a modern system at the level of other countries, and above all at the level of the needs of some students who will compete in a different job market to which we have found ourselves.
And looking forward to all those beautiful changes ... We forget that we STILL educate in fear (parents and teachers), consciously or unconsciouslyAnd of course, fear is the opposite of love, which children so desperately need. It's also essential that we focus on eradicating fear, as it's a powerful ally of learned helplessness, which paralyzes action and greatly increases the psychological vulnerability of young people. You don't want that for your children, do you?
Many practices that seem "harmless" are actually based on that fear: everyday shouting, threats such as "you'll see when we get home", ignoring the child, sending him alone to his room to "think about what he has done" or locking the door. It is assumed that this will lead to reflection, but what he really feels is loneliness, helplessness, and terror.A young child does not yet have the internal resources to calm himself down alone in the midst of an emotional storm.
We often confuse obedience with discipline. A child who stops crying after being confined or yelled at hasn't learned to manage their emotions; they've learned to suppress them to avoid punishment. Outwardly, they may appear calmer, but internally their nervous system remains activated. Sometimes, this level of stress is so high that the child ends up asleep from sheer exhaustion after crying for a long time. There is no healthy learning in a body invaded by fear.
I am against systems of punishment and reward in any educational relationship, but punishing someone by making them face the wall or locking them up... it's truly awful to know that similar things are happening all over the world. The person who punishes has little faith in their educational potential, but also causes the child to lose faith in them.We don't need to tame or dominate children to understand them; we need to guide, accompany, and set limits with firmness and respect.
In contrast to fear-based models, so-called "respectful parenting" or "positive discipline" proposes another way of relating: The limits are maintained, but violence and humiliating punishment are eliminated.Instead of locking a child up, they are helped to regulate their emotions: they are offered closeness, their feelings are named, unacceptable behavior is clearly defined, and alternatives are provided. This approach to parenting is not permissive: it requires much more adult presence, reflection, and consistency than yelling or locking up.
There is an additional reason to review these practices: Children learn by imitationIf we use force, shouting, slamming doors, or locking children up to resolve conflicts, that's what we're teaching them as a way to relate to others. It's pointless to fear they'll "end up like the teenagers on TV" when often it's precisely education based on violence, humiliation, or a lack of boundaries that fosters such explosive behavior.
Faced with the fear of "being too soft," it is worth remembering that respect is not the opposite of authority, but of violence. You can be a firm and clear role model without resorting to physical punishment or confinement.And current psychological research shows that parenting styles that combine affection and consistent limits are associated with better outcomes in self-esteem, emotional regulation, and behavior.
Locking a child in a room: discipline or neglect?
In many homes and schools, the idea that Locking a child in their room is a “mild punishment”He is not hit, he is not insulted, he is “just” left alone. However, the main organizations working in child protection consider this type of act a form of abuse, especially when it is used frequently, is prolonged over time, or is carried out in dark or threatening environments.
From a child psychology perspective, locking up a child is akin to neglect because it implies omitting basic care such as supervision, protection, and emotional supportClinical guidelines include the following behaviors within the definition of negligence:
- Locking a child in a room or closet for a prolonged period of time or repeatedly.
- Leaving him alone at home or in situations where he could suffer physical or emotional danger.
- Not responding to their crying or their needs for comfort in a systematic way.
These types of practices are associated with serious consequences: attachment problems, low self-esteem, anxiety, risky behaviors, relationship difficulties, and a greater risk of repeating patterns of abuse in adulthood. In some extreme cases, if confinement or lack of supervision poses a real danger to the child's safety (for example, leaving them alone for many hours), it can even be considered a form of child abuse. crime of abandonment or mistreatmentdepending on the legal framework of each country.
A key aspect is that Violence in parenting is often normalized because "it's always been done this way"It's accepted as valid to leave a child crying alone in their room "so they learn," even though we know their nervous system isn't ready to calm down without support. Isolating them is thought to help them think about what they've done, but at a young age, the brain can't yet make that kind of abstract reflection; all it registers is fear and loneliness.
Child development professionals insist that Respect and the absence of violence do not create tyrannical childrenWhat does create serious problems is growing up afraid of making mistakes, of expressing emotions, or of approaching adults when something goes wrong. Educating with respect doesn't mean abandoning boundaries, but rather changing how they are applied: instead of punishing with confinement, consequences related to behavior can be used, damage caused can be repaired, alternative skills can be taught, and, above all, the bond and dignity of the child can always be maintained.
Respectful alternatives to confinement and punishment
When we reject shouting, flogging, or confinement, a very legitimate question arises: "So what do I do when my child loses control, hits, or disobeys?"It's not about letting him do whatever he wants, but about replacing harmful punishments with educational tools that teach and protect at the same time.
Some practical ideas proposed by the positive discipline and respectful parenting approaches are:
- Accompanied time outInstead of isolating the child, offer a quiet space where they can calm down with an available adult. This isn't confinement, but rather a shared "calm time" where their feelings are validated and their body is allowed to relax before speaking.
- Naming and validating emotionsPhrases like "I see you're very angry because we didn't go to the park" help the child put words to their feelings. Feeling understood reduces emotional intensity and opens the door to understanding boundaries.
- Repair the damageIf he has broken something or hurt someone, instead of locking him up, you can suggest that he help clean up, apologize when he has calmed down, or think about how he can make amends. This way he learns responsibility without humiliation.
- Prepare and anticipateMany conflicts are avoided if the adult anticipates what will happen ("in five minutes we'll turn off the TV and go to bed") and offers limited choices ("do you prefer to take a bath first and then have dinner, or the other way around?").
- Taking care of one's own adult self-controlMany instances of confinement and extreme punishment occur when the adult is overwhelmed. Stopping, breathing, asking for a break if possible, or taking a few minutes before reacting can prevent decisions that one later regrets.
These alternatives are neither magical nor quick; They require patience, practice, and often, reviewing one's own parenting history.But in the long term, they build a relationship based on trust, encourage the child to cooperate out of bond rather than fear, and reduce the likelihood of serious behavioral problems in adolescence.
The right of parents to report
From any mother, from any father, who knows that his son has been or is being harassed by a teacher, that he is suffering from abuse of power, that's good! We don't have to spoil it, but children are what we love the most! From what I've read, the school's lawyer denies the evidence, even though a former student intern at the preschool confirmed the parents' suspicions. And speaking of that "abuse of power" I mentioned, Mel tells us more about him in this blog post..
Psychological reports that no child should have to go through revealed what at his age he was unable to express in words, although he did (probably) express it through a visible change in behavior. It's time for parents to take these things seriously, and let's protect our offspring, because events like the one we are talking about will not happen in all places (I hope), but it is a right to demand responsibilities.
When there are suspicions of mistreatment in an educational setting, whether physical, emotional or through neglect (including the systematic use of confinement as punishment), parents have the right, and in many legal systems even the duty, to:
- Gather evidenceNote dates, changes in behavior, the child's statements, photographs of possible injuries, or any relevant information that may help clarify the facts.
- Request formal meetings with the center's management to explain the situation and request explanations and immediate protection measures.
- Seek medical help (pediatrician, child psychologist) to assess the impact on the child and obtain reports if necessary.
- File a complaint before the competent authorities (social services, juvenile prosecutor, police or court, depending on the country) when the rights of the child are violated.
In turn, I think it is a right of children that their caregivers know how to attend to them when they cry, feel uncomfortable, sad... For example, it doesn't make much sense to expect that at 2 years old they will magically take a nap and all at the same time. There must be solutions that are good for everyone, and in this "everyone" I also include studentsAdapting rhythms, offering rest alternatives, and listening to signs of tiredness or hunger are all part of that respectful care.
In the legal field, many laws consider that, in addition to obvious blows or aggression, it also constitutes mistreatment or neglect. the serious and continued omission of basic careLeaving a child alone for entire nights, failing to provide medical care when needed, or repeatedly exposing a child to environments where they are humiliated or locked up can fall under legal categories of neglect or abandonment, with penalties ranging from loss of custody to prison sentences in the most serious cases.
I believe that a nursery, a primary school, and a secondary school should be welcoming and safe places for their students. Do they go there to learn? Yes, but above all, they go there to develop as people, and The type of treatment they receive will profoundly shape the kind of person they can become.An environment that degrades, insults, or confines damages not only a child's present but also the confidence with which they will view the world in the future. What kind of person can someone who is degraded or insulted become?
The good news is that it's never too late to examine our own practices, ask for help if we feel we're losing control, question the models we've received, and consciously choose a parenting style that protects, supports, and sets boundaries without resorting to fear or confinement. Changing how we raise children is a profound undertaking, but every small gesture of respect and adult presence is a direct investment in our children's emotional well-being and in a less violent society.