Hyper-parenting: when hyper-protection brings unhappiness

Hyper-parenting is a term that we have to add to those already so well known as "toxic parents", "bubble children", "helicopter parents" or "concerted cultivation". We know very well that sometimes these dimensions can bother us or even more, make us doubt if we too are doing something wrong ... Will I be a toxic mother just because I worry about my son every day and ask him how have you been in school? Am I making a mistake by recommending which friends to trust and which not?

Although it is true that sometimes we are somewhat saturated regarding the risks of overprotection In children, it can be said that the key is in balance. No more no less. Being a good or bad father, bad or bad mother is not something that others have to tell us to discover it, it is something that we ourselves must know how to see in our children. There are those who have more needs, and therefore we will be more aware.

There are children who, on the other hand, have that almost natural maturity that makes them grow up with more poise and balance, where our attention and educational focus will undoubtedly be somewhat different. Over-parenting is excessive attention to children, that kind of bond that far from allowing them grow and mature, leads them to insecurity, low self-esteem and consequently, unhappiness. From Mothers Today we invite you to delve into the subject.

What is and what is not hyper-parenting

Educating is not protecting until it prevents the child from being able to make their own decisions when they should. Educating is not putting up barriers, but opening paths while we take them by the hand respecting their rhythms, their cycles, their needs.

For many families it is somewhat complex to differentiate between what is hyper-parenting and what is not, because its purpose is always the same: educate with love. Except that sometimes, we make mistakes in the strategies, because to give the world happy children it is not enough just to love them, to take care of them.

You have to know how to intuit and encourage different responses every day and every moment so that the child assumes achievements always feeling safe in each step. It's not easy, but It is an exciting adventure where only one essential is required: attending to the emotions and particular needs of your children. Because we have to be clear, no child is the same, and that is something that without a doubt, you will have seen yourself if you have more than one child.

Therefore, it can be very useful to know what is hyper-parenting than what is not.

We will be offering excessive attention when ...

• We will be practicing hyper-parenting when we have already planned in advance the paths that our children must choose. It is not appropriate to dream of having the most beautiful child, the cleverest, the most ingenious. Your child is unique and will never be a copy of ourselves. You have your own voice, a unique and developing personality, and of course, the right to build the future that he or she desires knowing that their parents are there to support them.

• There are many families that little by little are discovering that their children do not achieve, for example, the academic results that they expect. That leads to disappointment, and disappointment on the face of a parent is devastating for a child.

• There is another aspect to consider about hyper-parenting: protective parents prevent their children from making mistakes, and if they do, it is a failure on both sides. A hyper-protected child lives in an aseptic shell where his every movement is controlled so that everything is successful, believing that the best is thus offered.

• It's not the right thing to do Every child has the right to make mistakes, to fall, to fail exams, to get angry with someone in the schoolyard. school. All this is vital learning with which to integrate meaningful knowledge that later, will allow you to act more appropriately. We cannot get to all these aspects, we must let them make a mistake sometime, and then be able to guide them in the most correct way. Children learn by example more than by words.

We will not be falling into hyper parenting when ...

It is possible that on some occasion, a co-worker or a relative has told you that of "You worry too much about your son, they cope well, let him." Well, far from reacting with annoyance or even less, following the advice, it is not necessary to remember that we have every right to worry about our children.

• No one practices hyper parenting for the simple act of caring for the well-being, happiness, and safety of their children. Worry is not a reflection of family toxicity, continuous intervention, excessive control and the occupation of personal spaces of the child or adolescent is hyper-parenting.

• Nobody practices hyper-parenting to favor continuous discoveries in the child. Suggesting books, extracurricular activities, sports, taking them to museums, on excursions, encouraging them to open up to the world is not controlling or programming their lives. It is a question, as we have said, of «suggesting», of «facilitating» never of forcing. The best learning is the one that is reached out of curiosityHence, it is always very enriching to teach them multiple possibilities of learning and fun so that they themselves can choose what interests them.

• Caring for, protecting and convincing your child that he / she is the best being in the world is not over-parenting. Nobody spoils a child for reminding him every day of what he is worth, what he is capable of and how much he is loved. With this, we reinforce your self-esteem, we encourage you to move forward each day feeling confident in each task or action you perform by yourself. Nor will we be overprotective parents by defending them, by worrying about knowing how they are doing at school and knowing if they have any problems. That is a necessary care that falls within our responsibilities.

In conclusion, educating, raising, training, is an act of involvement that comes from the heart but is also carried out with logic and balance. Each child will have their own needs, and that will undoubtedly be the starting point on which we must work.

Books help, different parenting approaches are great tools too. However, when you are a mother, when you are a father, you know very well that no two days are the same, and that sometimes you do real magic tricks to get to the end of the day., put them to bed and breathe relieved because everything has gone well and because our children sleep satisfied knowing that we are there, always attending to them, but teaching them every day to become responsible adults.