When a child is in great emotional pain, you may not be aware that something is happening to him. Children process and display complex emotions differently from adults. However, that does not mean that the pain is not happening to them and that their emotions do not affect them greatly ... They must learn to understand why they feel this way.
Understand death
Understanding death is not easy even for adults. On many occasions you do not want to accept what happens. For the youngest children it is even more complicated since they do not understand the concept of death and neither the permanence of it. A child may believe that death is temporary especially when he sees pictures where the dead are resurrected.
The consequence of this is that young children may miss their loved ones from time to time, but do not understand that this loss is forever. It is also common for a younger child to say that he understands that Grandpa is not coming back, and asks if Grandpa is going to his birthday party. Just as the understanding of death varies by age, so do the signs of pain. It is important to recognize when a child is suffering so that you can ensure that they are dealing with emotions in a healthy way.
Grief in children
When an adult is grieving, it seems that they are present, even in moments of happiness, but in reality they are fighting the suffering in their heart. Children, however, often seem fine one moment, only to get very angry the next, because their brains can't seem to tolerate sadness for a long period of time.
In the early stages of grief, it is normal for children to deny a little that their loved one is gone. They can keep waiting for the person who passed away to show up at any time. This is normal for a while, but over time, the reality of the loss should begin to sink in, especially with older children.
Signs
Whether your child has lost a pet, a teacher, a neighbor, or a family member, here are other things that can be seen in their behavior after the loss:
- Sensitivity. May be more sensitive than normal. They can tell you that they don't want to go to school or they can ask for help with tasks that they previously mastered without problems. Babies and young children may feel distress from their caregivers, so they may respond with irritability, cry more, and hold them more assiduously.
- Regressions Toddlers and preschoolers may start to pee in bed again or stop sleeping through the night. A young child may crawl again, talk like a baby, or want to drink from a bottle again.
- School problems. Older children or adolescents may begin to have academic problems. When they feel pain, they can begin to fail in studies or stop attending classes for a while, causing them to delay in their learning.
- Sleeping problems Children grieving the loss of a loved one may want to sleep with their parents or others close to them. They may have nightmares about the person who has died.
- Concentration difficulty. A child may have more difficulty concentrating or even be unable to make simple decisions.
- Anxiety. Both children and adolescents begin to worry about everything, especially the death of other people in their life. They will need reassurance, especially preschoolers, that they will be safe and cared for on a daily basis.
- Feelings of abandonment. A child may feel betrayed, rejected, or abandoned by the person who died, and perhaps others as well.
- Behavioral reactions. Children of all ages can react to pain by displaying behavior problems that no longer existed. They may start acting out at school or talking badly at home. Teens can be drawn to riskier behaviors, like drinking or using drugs.
- Feelings of guilt It is common for children to blame themselves for the death of a loved one. Your child may think it is their fault because they once wished the person would "go away" or that they might somehow think that their actions caused the death of their loved one.
- Changes in the game. Your child can start talking more about death in his pretend play. Your stuffed animals, dolls, or action figures can die and come back to life.
When you need professional help
Not all children who are grieving need therapy. Although it is important to be aware of the possible signs that a child is having a hard time due to the loss of their loved one. Here are some signs that your child might need help from a professional:
- Excessively imitates the deceased person
- Repeatedly expressing that you want to reunite with the person who has passed away (wanting to be dead)
- Believing you are talking to the deceased person
- Prolonged period of depression (sadness is normal but if you show signs of depression seek immediate help)
- Symptoms that get worse over time
Children who have a hard time coping with a loss can benefit from grief therapy. This type of therapy can be individual, family or group. If you think your child may be in need of this type of therapy,See your doctor to see what options are available to you to help your child as soon as possible.
If you think your child is having a hard time coping with the loss of a loved one, don't take it lightly. If these feelings are not worked on, they can cause serious emotional problems and even end up in some kind of disorder. Therefore, seeking professional help at the first signs that the duel is being difficult is essential.