You may not even realize it. You may say to your children about 50 times throughout the day “DO NOT do that”, “DO NOT say that”, “that is NOT done”, “that is NOT your turn” ... It is exhausting until you read it, right? And surely it will not have any effect on your children, who only listen NO NO NO but do not know why or another more productive alternative. To help you be more effective with the limits we leave you some tips on how to say no to a child in a positive way.
The power of no
It comes out automatically. No no no. We believe that it is useful and effective, that in this way we set limits, that we tell our children what they cannot do. And they learn it just as fast, when you want to know it they will be saying no constantly. I am not saying that they are not necessary, far from it. We must say no sometimes, and other times yes. For example, something that poses a danger to your child's life such as crossing the street alone, letting go of your hand, or leaning out of a window. For other things in the day to day we must mark their limits well so that they feel safe, without wasting the no. Since saying no too many times, not only does it not help you, but it also does not give us the results we expect. We must find the balance between no's and sies.
If you constantly listen to something, it ceases to have its true meaning. Ideally, you should achieve the expected effects of no without pronouncing the word no.. This way we would educate in a positive way, we would obtain better results and they would be more responsible with their behaviors and consequences.
Children and frustration
Children have a very low tolerance for frustration. They want something and they want it now. They do not understand the time space to delay gratification nor do they know how to control themselves. We already saw it in the article "How to teach children to manage frustration" It is not an easy task but with a series of recommendations you can help them learn to manage that frustration.
So they can do it they will have to face her. In other words, if we never say no to him, he will not be frustrated. And unfortunately life doesn't always tell you yes. You need to learn that there are things that can be done and others that cannot.
How to say no to a child in a positive way
- Swap negative language for positive language. With no, the phrases subtract, they take away. If we turn it around and we formulate the phrase in a positive way we are giving it another meaning by meaning the same thing. Example: instead of saying "we can't go to the park today" and expect a more than likely tantrum, we can approach it differently and say "What do you think if we play together at home today?" To the kid he is being given another alternative instead of taking something away. Sure, you'll want to play in the park, but there are also fun games to play at home.
- Explain the consequences of their actions. Depending on the age of the child, you can explain the consequences of their actions. Instead of saying “don't hit your brother”, tell him “if you hit him he won't want to play with you” or “it will hurt a lot because that hurts”. That way, instead of paying attention because they tell you, you will be able to control your impulses taking into account their consequences.
- Clear rules. Rules at home should be clear and concise. We must explain it to them and what are those rules for. And they must have consequences if they are not followed, and they must be applied.
- Postpone it. Sometimes what they want cannot be done at that moment. We can put it off and do it (It is not worth postponing it thinking that they will forget, because it will not be like that). This way they will also learn to manage their frustration.
- Give him other alternatives. Put the appeal on the other alternative, rather than on what they want. This will focus the other option and the first one will lose its attention. Use marketing.
Because remember ... you can say no in a positive way.