That a couple decides to divorce while having children is because there have been serious problems that have led them to make that decision. It may be that love has ended or that trust in the couple has been broken and the relationship is not possible. But whatever, making the decision to divorce is not easy for anyone and less when there are common children who also have to go through the whole process and feel that everything is destabilizing them.
In the midst of the case and the pain, the divorcing couple may not realize how this fact affects their young children, but it does affect them, both young and old. But young children who do not yet have the vocabulary to express how they feel or how these changes affect them, must also accept the change. Maybe if you have older children you send them to therapy and if you have small children you think they are accepting it very well, but nothing is further from the truth, what really matters is that you help them better assimilate all the changes that are to come. To achieve this, do not hesitate to follow the following tips and adapt them to your current family situation.
Explain the new situation
Children understand much more than we adults think and that is why they deserve to have things explained to them. You will have to do it in simple language, but you will have to do it and the sooner the better. Parents should explain to the little ones how this situation will affect their lives and they need to know exactly what "divorce" is and what it will mean for the family and for themselves.
If you still don't know what the changes are going to happen, you can explain only what you do know. For example, you can say things like: "We are going to stay in this house and Dad will go to live in a different house but he will come from time to time" or perhaps "Mom and Dad will have their own house and you will live in both places. ». The more details you give him, the more prepared he will be for the situation to come. Help your child understand that it is a situation forever and do not try to sugarcoat the situation because then you will not be preparing your children for the reality that is to come.
Talk long term
It is possible that because of the same pain you feel at the situation, you feel the need to use soft words so that your children do not know the reality of what is happening. Saying things like "Mom and Dad love each other," "We are still a close family," can confuse a child. and then not understand why all this happens. It is better to omit these types of comments. When speaking with younger children it is best to use simple language that speaks long term but with clear messages. You should avoid giving your children false hope so that they do not feel a deeper pain when discovering that their illusions that mom and dad will get back together will not happen.
Make it clear that you are never going to abandon him
Children sometimes do not understand the concept of divorce and may even think that their parents, if they divorce, could also divorce them, this can create a great feeling of abandonment. Children should know that sometimes moms and dads decide to separate just as sometimes children decide not to be friends any longer. But in no case will he be unloved or abandoned, because parents always love their children, until the end of days.
Tell your son who he will sleep with
Many children are confused about where to go each day or each week. They do not know where they will sleep and that causes them discomfort and confusion. They do not know if they will be picked up from school by their father or by their mother. The child needs to know what his schedule will be every day. Tell them every morning what you will do and with whom and remind them before going to bed as well. Make a calendar of the days that he will be with Mom and the days that he will be with Dad and hang it in his room so that he is clear. For example, you can paint the days he will be with Dad in one color and the days he will be with Mom in another color. This way you can visually remember your schedule and feel better confused.
Let the parents leave and return home
Although there is an option that I see more and more appropriate for the good of children when parents divorce. In the case that the house is equal parts of the parents and is the family home, If there are possibilities not to destabilize the lives of the little ones so much, the ideal is that the parents are the ones who enter and leave the home. That is, the children will always live in the family home to unbalance their lives as little as possible (it is enough that they have to undergo the transition from divorce) and it will be the parents who take turns being with their children at home. In this way children can feel less instability. What do you think of this way of managing the visits?
Plan vacations so they know what they will do and with whom
It is also very important that vacations and holidays are clear to everyone on the calendar from the first moment. In this way, at Christmas or summer parties, children They will be able to spend some time with the father and another with the mother in an equitable way so that they can enjoy both parents equally.
And of course, all the judgments issued by the judge regarding custody and any term regarding the care and welfare of children must be strictly enforced. What else do you think needs to be taken into account in this whole process for and for the sake of young children?