Many parents of adolescent children feel that sometimes talking to their children is mission impossible, that it is like talking to a wall that returns the words ... but the reality is that it is not as difficult as it seems and that in the vast majority of occasions if not they do it well, it's because they don't know how to do it. Adolescents need their parents to be able to develop and learn along the way of life.
Think that If you are a critical or overly authoritarian parent, it is very likely that your children do not want or feel the need to talk with you about any topic. They will think that it is not necessary and that it is not worth wasting time. It is necessary that as a mother (or father) you lower your tone and spend more time listening to your children than talking (in a monologue plan).
There will be times that due to the circumstances that adolescents are experiencing, they do not want to talk to you about what is happening to them because they are not emotionally well. But if your adolescent son is ever having a hard time for any circumstance (whatever it may be) never downplay it, because for him it is quite painful and your teasing can break your bond. He needs your support, even if it is without words.
Today I want to help you talk to your teenage children, those who seem so difficult to talk or communicate with you. Remember that you are the adult and you are the one who should guide the communication, so it will be your job to get him to be talkative and comfortable talking to you. Working with teenagers is not easy, but if you know how to handle them, being by their side is very rewarding… And great things are learned!
How is your behavior towards your son?
If you are a critical, strict and authoritarian parent, it is possible that, as I just told you, your teenagers will never want to talk to you. They will not feel emotionally confident enough and they prefer to keep quiet about the things that concern them because they think they are not going to interest you.
You need to lower your tone and spend more time listening to your children than talking. Your children will love to realize that you really listen to them, something that will help you realize that you can have a conversation with your son, that he will be able to tell you about his life… the monologues of an autoriatic father or mother are over, do you think?
Give advice, only if asked
You may feel the need and urge to make your child's life easier by telling them what to do and what not to do. It's hard to shut up when you know you could offer them good advice.But remember that if you offer good advice ahead of time, your children may not notice and think that you are getting where they do not call you. Many times children just need to be heard because they just want to hear their feelings out loud to figure things out.
If you are not sure if your teenagers want advice or if they do not want it, the best thing you can do is ask them directly if they want advice, they will like to know that you want to say something for their good and still they will like more to know that you ask their permission to do so, respecting their emotional space.
You must hide well when you want to know something
Parents are often tactless when they want to know something about their children and may ask aggressively to find out more. This is not a good idea because teenagers they may feel overwhelmed and will think you just want to pry into their lives. For example, if your teenager has had a date at the movies with a girl, you can ask something like: Would you recommend the movie? What do you think? What about your date?
Thus, instead of asking directly for the appointment, if you let him speak, in the end you will be able to reach the information that interests you and he will have told you of his own free will. Remember that it is very important that if your child is talking, you will not be able to interrupt him or lose your emotional calm, Get him to connect with you and make communication excellent!
A sense of humor will always be a good option
Using a sense of humor will always be a good strategy to connect emotionally with your child and that communication is satisfactory. You can also play with them, so they will realize how close you are and will respect you as a father or mother, but without fear.. If your children have a feeling of fear around you, they will never tell you anything. The important thing is that you act so that everyone enjoys it, so they will realize that you do not take everything seriously (although in other circumstances you must keep your figure serious, you can also be flexible).
Control your emotions
It is possible that your children have a hard time controlling their emotions (any of them), and it is normal due to their age and because of the physical, emotional and social changes they are experiencing. But it will be necessary for you to control yourself, because if you get angry, if you panic or your children They feel that they are not doing the right thing by telling you what they want to explain to you, they will simply stop doing it.
Nobody likes to talk to a person who does not know how to control their emotions or who overflows at the first change. If you do not feel calm, try to pretend while you are in front of him, what you want to achieve is that your children talk to you and maintain good communication, do not close your doors and take care of your emotional bond.
These are some strategies that you should take into account to be able to talk with your child and make him feel heard and valued all the time. Remember that you are their best example and that if you are calm, assertive and respect their emotional states and their personal (and emotional) space, you will receive in return a communicative child who will trust you for everything they need. It's worth it, right?