When children are young and between 1 and 4 years old, you may feel overwhelmed because tantrums are common, especially from the age of two. But this doesn't have to make you feel frustrated when disciplining your children.You must think of it as a natural and evolutionary process in their development; it is necessary for them to learn and for you to teach them the right path, without yelling or bad manners.
Young children up to the age of four will need your guidance and understanding again and again, because you might give them an instruction and they'll soon have forgotten it. Remember that it is very important to treat them through the positive disciplineEffective reinforcement is crucial for encouraging repeated positive behavior. But once we understand this, how should we discipline children between the ages of 5 and 7 without resorting to harmful punishments or constant power struggles?
When children pass the age of four, they are developing rapidly and becoming increasingly aware of their surroundings. They begin to understand rules, consequences, and also to test boundaries. That's why it's important to know which methods are best for disciplining them without resorting to punishment, threats, or fear.and at the same time help them develop self-control and empathy and responsibility.
Short and simple commands
If you reason with your child the first time they break the rules and offer detailed explanations about what they have done wrong, and also angrily threaten them about the privileges they will lose if they don't stop misbehaving, you should know that as a discipline strategy it is quite ineffective. Lengthy explanations and threats create more confusion than learning. at this stage, and they can emotionally affect children because they feel the threat too strongly.
An 18-month-old child doesn't have enough cognitive capacity to understand complex sentences, and a 2- or 3-year-old doesn't have enough attention span to understand everything you're saying, but you should warn them and guide their understanding. As children grow and mature, They begin to understand the rules better if they are They explain clearly and in a very specific waywithout going into too much detail.
Once a child is able to follow simple instructions (for example, putting away a toy or putting on their shoes), they can understand what you explain to them in short phrases that you repeat a few times, incorporating vocal inflections and facial expressions. For example: uterine
- “It doesn’t stick. Soft hands.”
- “First we clean up, then we play something else.”
- "Speak in a calm voice; don't shout at home."
Short and simple orders they work better when:
- They are specificInstead of saying “behave yourself,” say “walk, don’t run in the hallway.”
- They are said before the difficult situation.For example, before entering the supermarket or the park.
- They are accompanied by clear and coherent consequencesthat the child can understand and predict.
According to recommendations from pediatric associations and positive discipline specialists, set a few very clear limits and repeat them calmly It's much more effective than giving many lectures or constant scolding. The child needs to know exactly what is expected of him at all times.
Seeking a pause and the idea of “time within”
If at a certain point there have been too many reprimands, you have redirected them too many times, or even the loss of privileges is being used excessively, then the children have not learned that this behavior is not correct and think they can continue to do it. When a limit is repeated a thousand times without real consequences, it loses its value. for the child.
To give children time to think and stop inappropriate behavior, time-outs are often used. Traditionally, one minute per year of age is recommended. However, more recent research and clinical experience have nuanced this approach: It's not about isolating the child so that he "thinks about what he has done"but rather to give them a brief space to calm down, accompanied by an adult whenever possible. For example, the use of wait time It can be part of a coherent discipline plan.
That is why many professionals propose the concept of “time within"The adult stays close to the child, helps them regulate their emotions, and then, when they are calm, they talk about what happened. In practice, this means that:"
- Do not leave a child alone and angryespecially if it's small.
- First, the body calms down. (breathe, sit down, drink water) and then reflect.
- The rule is recalled in a few words. and the child is encouraged to propose a solution or repair.
It is very important that you reflect together on what is happening and that you convey to him exactly what you expect from him at any given moment. A) Yes, motivating him with some specific positive reinforcementYou can help him understand that his good behavior also has positive consequences: more playtime, choosing a story, a special time with you, etc.
Example of accompanying pause time
This way, the children will feel close to you and realize that not everything has to be bad. Before using the pause (or wait time), you will need to say something like this with a smile but in a firm voice: “I’ll count to three, and if you don’t stop, we’ll have to wait.”. The clear warning It gives him the opportunity to rectify. itself.
If your son or daughter hasn't listened after counting to three, you should take them to a quiet, safe place with a timer to think and reflect. Decide beforehand how long this time will last, explain it to them, and stick to it. Consistency is key so that the child believes your words.
During the break, stay close and remain calm. You can briefly explain what happened: “You were yelling and throwing toys, now it’s time to calm down.” Afterward, it will be necessary to... invites to apologize And give them a big hug so they feel you're not angry with them as a person, just with their behavior. After practicing this strategy for a while, you'll notice their negative behavior starting to decrease.
In addition to pause time, you can also use preventive strategies on the table:
- Redirect behavior switch to another activity when you see that they are starting to get agitated.
- Anticipate the rules before entering difficult places or situations (shops, visits, long meals).
- Ignoring some mild behaviors that are just attention-seekingprovided they are not dangerous, and pay close attention to good behavior.
You must have a positive attitude
It's very important to maintain a positive attitude about everything that happens, even if your son or daughter is behaving negatively. No matter how frustrated you feel about your child's behavior, Try not to lose your temper in front of himIt's also very important that you never judge him as a person, saying things like "you're a bad boy," but rather address the behavior: "you don't hit your sister." This protects his self-esteem and teaches him that he can always do better.
Studies on discipline show that discipline is most effective when it occurs within the context of a warm and close relationship. This means that, in addition to setting boundaries, you need spend quality time with your childPlaying, talking, reading together, sharing interests: If they only receive attention when they misbehave, they will continue to seek that attention through inappropriate behavior.
But I also have to tell you that mothers and fathers are people who get tired, who can have sleepless nights, who can feel unwell, and even have a bad day. It's perfectly normal to feel exasperated from time to time. When you feel this way, you can go to your pediatrician, talk to your partner, or a trusted friend (who is also a parent) for support or advice. What cannot happen is that you lose control every day Or if you are unable to control your emotions, in this case you should analyze what is happening to you and seek professional help if you need it.
Remember that to discipline a child you must be emotionally balanced to be able to transmit security and affection. Being the adult in the relationship means regulating your own reactions.If you feel yourself about to yell or say something you'll regret, step away for a few minutes, breathe, and come back when you feel calmer. It's also okay to apologize to your children when you make a mistake; this teaches them to correct their own errors.
Keep calm
It's true that sometimes it can be difficult to stay calm, especially when your child is trying to break something, hitting the dog, refusing to brush their teeth, seems uninterested in bedtime, or is throwing a tantrum on the floor. But if you yell in anger, you'll be sending the wrong message and reinforcing their behavior negatively: "If I misbehave, my parents will listen to me." Shouting often overwhelms the child even more and blocks their ability to hear..
The best thing to do in this case is to take a deep breath, count to three or ten, get down to the child's eye level, and speak to them firmly, seriously, and sternly… but without yelling, getting nervous, or being rude. This posture and tone is often called “kind firmness"You are clear about the limit, but you maintain respect and self-control."
Other strategies that help maintain calm and teach self-control to your children include:
- Preparing the child for difficult situationsBefore going to a new place, explain to him what you expect from him and what will happen if he does not respect the rules.
- Use cause and effect language"If you throw the cookies on the floor, the cookies will be gone," and stick to it.
- Positively reinforce effortsnot just the results: "I like how you're trying to speak softly now."
- Avoid making disproportionate threats or threats you won't carry out.Because that makes your words lose credibility.
Furthermore, it is essential to avoid physical punishment. Studies show that spanking, slapping, or whipping They increase aggression and fear in childrenThey damage trust and don't teach them what to do instead. Your child learns more from what you do than from what you say, so if you want them to resolve conflicts without violence, you must also resolve them without violence.
If you follow all these tips you will notice that your children between the ages of 5 and 7 will begin to behave better, but remember that it is essential that you are a good example of behavior and emotional balance. Discipline is not just about correcting, but also about preventing: establishing routines, anticipating conflicts, offer limited options (“you can pick it up now or after snack time”), listen to how your child feels, negotiate when possible, and maintain a relationship of trust.
Over time, the combination of clear boundaries, consistent consequences, attention to good behavior, and plenty of affection will ensure that your child obeys not just out of fear of punishment, but because Understand how your actions influence othersThat is the true goal of a respectful and effective discipline.
