Sometimes when pregnancy does not come, tests indicate that a pregnancy cannot be achieved using the genetic material of one or both parents for different reasons. Having to give up the genetic load is something hard and difficult to assimilate, there are even people who never come to accept it. Giving up our genes is something that costs and is not usually talked about. Today I want to focus on these situations where there are doubts about having children without genetic load.
Sperm or egg donation
There are many cases where it is necessary to use a sperm or egg donor in cases of fertility. The most common cases for sperm donation are:
- Serious seminal disorders.
- Absence of sperm (irreversible azoospermia).
- Irreversible fertility factor.
- Vasectomy
- Chromosomal abnormalities.
- Carrier of genetic disease.
- HR incompatibility with the partner.
In the case of egg donation the most common cases They are by:
- Severe inherited genetic disease.
- Genetic alterations in gametes.
- Failure of other breeding techniques.
- Ovarian failure.
How do men and women face this decision?
If, after trials and attempts at other techniques, the only viable solution is to use a donor on one side or both, it is time to make the decision. Depending on the genetic material to be replaced (semen, ovules or gametes) it will be lived in a different way by men and women.
Women are generally less reluctant to use a donor. It may be because of the bond that is created during pregnancy or because we don't care so much about genetic ties. Whatever it is, women don't have as many qualms about using a sperm, egg or even gamete donor. Although it is also a difficult decision, accepting that it will not be our eggs that are going to be used.
In the case of hombres the thing changes. They are the greater the doubts to use a sperm donor, for various fears. Fear of not considering him his, of not sharing anything with him, that people will say the typical comment "he doesn't look like his father at all", ... They are prejudices that we have been dragging from far behind and that make it difficult to make the decision, creating much discomfort.
This duel is known as "Genetic duel" and it is necessary to face it to make the decision. It will have to be passed by the member of the couple who has to say goodbye to their genetic load (or both if it is with embryo donation). You can discuss all your doubts with your doctor, and share your fears as a couple.
Say goodbye to genetic load
It must be said that when a donor is used, one is looking for one that has similar physical characteristics so that it is as similar as possible. Although we already know that genetics is capricious, and many children do not look like their parents at all, but rather like great-uncles, great-grandparents or distant cousins. In the end, having a child is more than just sharing genes. It is logical and natural to have doubts at the beginning and also how to explain to the child when the time comes, so it is important to work on this issue well before making the decision.
Genes are going to influence him baby, but what The more it will influence you is the education and love you receive. Their character, your ties, will depend on them… much more important than the color of their eyes or their hair.
When it is the only option to be a parent, sometimes the decision can be made quickly without going through genetic grief, which causes it to appear later. They are natural emotions of the process and they need to be worked on. It is not an easy decision, it is important to analyze why we want to be parents. It can help us make the final decision, since parenting is more than just sharing our DNA.
Because remember ... once you see your child's face, doubts usually disappear, since bonds are not formed by genes but by love.