On Sunday a program called "I give you my word", and directed by Isabel Gemio. Within her health space, the presenter interviewed a clinical psychologist. The topic covered were alleged childhood sleep disorders such as' not wanting to sleep alone ',' waking up at night and getting into their parents' bed '. And here we find the first fault, because if we make the mistake of accepting that children have problems because they need company at night, we deny that society is not made for them, and that in our effort to control everything, we have replaced the presence of parents with pacifiers, and physical contact with cribs. I do not mean by this that we should now throw away all the recently invented objects that separate babies from their parents, but it is common sense that if I do not want to sleep alone at night, one baby even less, because it has just arrived at the world and feel insecure, ... even over the years.
One of the things that motherhood gives you is to check the diversity that exists in the upbringing and education of children, and to accept that we are not all the same; although the truth is that, I would like the difference to include a minimum of respect for the little ones. And that respect is what failed in the advice that was offered to parents in the course of that program; during which (with added sarcasm) it was suggested that the fact that a child sleeps with his parents is an extreme situation, or (in response to a query), the presenter sympathized with a mother saying "my poor thing." In my opinion a public information medium should not confuse new mothers and fathers by offering recommendations - in this case about co-sleeping - away not only from common sense and good sense; but the needs of babiesWe do not forget, they are very vulnerable beings.
Tell us Rosa Jové in Natural Crianza that sleep is an evolutionary process, and that children end up acquiring the control of micro-awakenings and sleeping straight off, but you have to give them time because statistically it is not frequent that this happens at six months. Babies cannot learn to sleep because it is something they will end up doing by themselves (like eating with their bare hands and walking), and those who have been trained (excuse the term) by means of some technique of which they are so lavishThey simply follow the pattern for which they have been trained, without anyone considering what they need in a primary way.
But let's go back to co-sleeping: the idea that babies should sleep alone (even from 3/4 months as stated in the program), in addition to being aberrant, turns out to be an invention that has become a habit about a century and a half ago. As you can understand, that time is laughable compared to the history of Humanity. In the wonderful Scientific debate on children's sleep, we find that humans, since we are (and not only because we are, but because we are part of the primate order) have slept as children in the company of caregivers. There are times when normality is opposed to naturalness, and of course having as we have this behavior (seeking closeness / providing protection) engraved in the instinct, it seems foolish to do the opposite, just because I don't know which expert (well, I do know who I'm talking about, but it's not the subject of this post) it occurs to you that you want to sell books with false or at least biased information; and I say this because in the program that I mention, Isabel Gemio praised the way in which this book, based on one of those techniques that cause me disgust, had helped her in raising her children.
What is co-sleeping today and how is it practiced?
Co-sleeping It means sleeping next to the baby, sharing the bed or enabling adjacent beds or a sidecar-type cot. It is not the same as simply sleeping in the same room; in co-sleeping there is immediate proximity to see, touch and respond to the baby's needs. Many families alternate between options: a shared large bed, two beds joined together, or a co-sleeping crib with one side open and anchored to the parents' bed.
International recommendations distinguish between share room (the baby sleeps in his own space, near his parents' bed) and share a bed (bed-sharing). The World Health Organization suggests that babies sleep in the same room at least for the first few months, and the American Academy of Pediatrics extends that period with an emphasis on safety. Whether a family chooses to co-sleep or roommate will depend on their context, always prioritizing risk reduction.
In Europe, co-sleeping was abandoned with industrialization, but has been recovered by evidence of benefits and the need for respond to the biological rhythm of infants. Today, there are multiple safe commercial solutions (sidecars, barriers, firm mattresses) that facilitate this practice.
Benefits of co-sleeping for child and family health
Scientific literature and clinical experience point to Advantages when co-sleeping is carried out with safety criteriaAmong the most cited benefits are:
- Breastfeeding made easier: having the baby close makes it easier to breastfeed more frequently and comfortably, which favors the establishment and maintenance of breastfeeding, reduces nighttime movements and improves rest of the mother.
- Physiological regulation: Skin-to-skin contact and proximity help to synchronize respiratory and heart rhythms of the baby, stabilize its thermoregulation and support the maturation of the immune system.
- Greater calm: Closeness satisfies the innate need for protection, which translates into less crying y reduction of cortisol (stress hormone), making it easier for the baby to go back to sleep quickly after micro-awakenings.
- Better overall rest: When the baby feels safe, he usually wake up less and return to sleep more quickly, which also benefits the adult who co-sleeps by reducing nighttime arousal times.
- Bond and self-esteem: to maintain a sensitive nocturnal communication is associated with more fluid family relationships and a emotional well that endures.
In line with the above, it was M. McKenna who described that the baby's vital signs synchronize with those of their caregivers when sleeping together; in addition, it has been noted that co-sleeping can reduce the risk of certain adverse events when carried out with strict safety criteria and in a breastfeeding context and no exposure to risk factors.
Safe co-sleeping: essential conditions and how to prepare the bed
Safety is essential. Breastfeeding support organizations such as the La Leche League They detail conditions to minimize risks when the family decides to harvest:
- Conditions of the mother: no smoking, I am breastfeeding and not be under the influence of alcohol, drugs or sedative medications.
- Baby's conditions: having been born at term, Sleep on your back and wear light clothing to prevent overheating.
- Common condition: safe sleeping surface, firm and flat, with no gaps or possibility of the baby getting trapped.
In addition, dangerous surfaces such as very soft sofas, armchairs or mattresses and delete bulky pillows, heavy blankets, stuffed animals and any object that could cover the face. It is also not advisable to co-sleep if the adult is an extremely deep sleeper, or with younger siblings or pets in the bed.
The option of a co-sleeping crib (sidecar) anchored to the bed allows proximity, facilitates breastfeeding and maintains a space of its own for the baby, which adds security layers to practice.
Up to what age is it recommended?
There is no single age that applies to all families. Some guides suggest share a room for at least the first six months and, if co-sleeping is done, do so under strict safety guidelines. Many families maintain nighttime proximity until the child shows signs of wanting more autonomyThere are also recommendations that suggest that prolong the closeness until around three years of age it can be positive in certain contexts, always at the informed decision of the family.
Co-sleeping, breastfeeding and rest: a two-way relationship
Co-sleeping and breastfeeding feed off each other. The mother has the breast readily available and the baby can latch on with less interruption, which promotes shorter, more efficient nighttime feedings. This environment also makes it easier for the Start of complementary feeding takes place in a climate of calm and trust, which usually improves food acceptance.
For its part, the sense of security of the baby translates into less activation of the stress axis and, therefore, less nocturnal cortisolWhen the adult response is sensitive and consistent, the rest of the entire family tends to improve.
Co-sleeping, psychological development, and attachment: what the evidence says
One of the frequent concerns is whether co-sleeping affects the Emotional development of children. Recent research has followed the evolution of symptoms internalizing (anxiety, sadness) and outsourcing (aggression, hyperactivity) in childhood have not been found association between bed-sharing in early stages and trajectories of anxiety or aggression years later. Similarly, there are studies that find no negative impact of co-sleeping on forming a secure bond between baby and mother.
These data are consistent with what we know about the evolutionary nature of sleep: Children mature their sleep pattern over time, and the nocturnal proximity It is, above all, a tool to respond to real needs for protection and food.
Co-sleeping and sudden infant death: clarity and nuances
The guides of the American Academy of Pediatrics They recommend sharing a room, but not a bed, especially during the first months, as a strategy to reduce the risk of SIDS. Even so, international organizations and health entities recommend, when the family chooses to share a bed, to adhere to safety guidelines strict: firm surface, baby face up, no smoke and avoid substances that reduce the adult's alertness.
At the same time, there are countries with very low SIDS rates where it is common to sleep next to the mother, which invites us to analyze the phenomenon in its entirety. cultural context and safe practicesIn our setting, clinical guidelines on breastfeeding and sleep have included the use of sidecar cribs as a safe alternative to maintain proximity, reinforcing the message that the focus should be on how it is done.
Co-sleeping, do children get used to it?
It is not so much that they get used to it, but that they need it, the other thing is to 'force' them to behave in a way for which they are not prepared. It was M. McKenna, who showed that the vital signs of babies are synchronized with those of their caregivers when they sleep together; but also, there is evidence that the incidence of Sudden Death Syndrome decreases, as long as you collect safely. On the other hand, collecting has served and also serves to provide sustenance for babies at night.
So, on the assumption that it's not exactly about getting used to it, I think we don't need to worry excessivelyWhat's more, as you have ever read, there comes a time when it is the child who asks for privacy, and of course it is wise to ignore all prejudices in the form of malicious phrases; like for example 'ah but…. Is he still sleeping with you? Let's see if he gets to university and still needs to go to his parents' bed! I advise you not to believe these statements, because they are nothing more than provocations, and the only thing you will get is to feel bad.
It is our western culture that has invented 'separating' babies (at night, during the day, using gadgets, delegating in the arms of others ...) from their attachment figures, so it is easy to conclude that if in In other parts of the world, children grow up and become independent without needing their mothers (and many behaving like adults long before the age of 18), there is no danger in co-sleeping, is there?
Co-sleeping at age 2, parental stress and sleep patterns
In addition to the daily experience of so many families, data are beginning to be published that helps us understand the relationship between sleep organization and family well-being. An observational study in primary care consultations with children of 2 years analyzed parental stress, sleep habits, co-sleeping, cohabitation and sociodemographic factors using validated instruments (such as the Parenting Stress Index abbreviated and the Brief Infant Sleep Questionnaire). Among his findings was a association between shorter nighttime sleep time or with a increased parental stress; it was also observed that families who co-slept at that age reported fewer minutes of nighttime sleep, more time awake and more awakenings.
These results do not imply causality, and the authors emphasize that co-sleeping may increase perception of micro-awakenings due to proximity and conditioning faster responses (and therefore more activation records). Likewise, variables such as parental age or the life context modulate stress. The relevant thing here is to recognize that children's sleep is maturational, that the family's nightly organization impacts adult rest and that, whatever the decision, it is worth reviewing sleep habits and hygiene that improve the well-being of all.
Another line of research suggests that room-sharing beyond the first few months may be associated with fewer hours of continuous sleep already some less advisable practices; therefore, when the objective is to maintain proximity, a safe sidecar It usually provides a balance between closeness and rest.
Common myths and how to manage them
There are two ideas worth reviewing. The first is that co-sleeping “creates dependency”: what both anthropology and clinical research show is that the need for nocturnal proximity decreases as the nervous system matures. The second is that it “prevents intimacy between the couple”: intimacy is cultivated multiple ways and at different times. Each family finds its own formula without the need for sacrifice well-being of the baby.
And by the way, surely some clever reader warns that I do not get into the false idea that co-sleeping reduces the intimacy of the couple, if someone wants they can leave a comment about it, for my part, it is not worth delving into something so superficial
Practical tips for transitioning from co-sleeping to sleeping independently
If the time comes when the child asks for more space or the adults want to reorganize, it can be done in a progressive and respectful:
- Sleep hygiene: maintain regular schedules, predictable routines and a start signal of rest (stories, music, dim light).
- Gradual transition: moving from co-sleeping to sidecar cradle, then to the next bed and finally to his room, accompanying him at the beginning and reducing presence slowly.
- responsiveness: attend awakenings with calm and consistency, avoiding sudden changes that generate anxiety.
- Diurnal coherence: strengthen the bond during the day with play, contact and listening quality. Secure daytime attachment promotes nighttime autonomy.
I finish giving the reason to María Berrozpe when he affirms that indeed co-sleeping has a danger: and that is that with the passage of time the child no longer needs you, and as parents we will need a few days to adapt to the new situation not without a pang of sadness in the heart, because of course, they begin by becoming independent from the bed, and end up leaving home, as is natural and desirable. From that point of view, I do not regret at all for having collided and - what is more - I will prefer that my children be of those who leave at 20, because they will be showing signs of emotional health and of having achieved personal autonomy that is more than necessary in these times. It is not necessary to burn stages: wanting to remove the diaper at 18 months, that they know how to read at 3 years old, or send them to a camp at 4 (I say it is not necessary, I am not judging), because in the end they will all end up getting older Yes: I prefer that babies and young children have the necessary attachment in the first years of their lives, so that later they can detach themselves with greater security.
I finish as I started: talking about the program of yore, they lacked (of course) recommend the famous bunny tale, which we have already talked about here, and about which I must add an update that you will see shortly in the corresponding entry. Remember this: Childhood sleep disorders exist, but wanting to be with your parents is not one of them.
As a final idea, sleeping near a baby is an ancient practice that, done with safety criteria, can bring tangible benefits in breastfeeding, physiological regulation and rest. Choosing whether or not to harvest is a personal and valid decision; the key is to be well informed, adapt the practice to each family and periodically review whether it continues to respond to the real needs of everyone.
Picture - Kelly sue.