When your baby is born, everyone seems to be an expert in parenting. Everyone gives you advice, some very good, some quite wrong. But the really important thing is that you know how to distinguish one from the other. No one can do that better than you, since when it comes to your baby, you set the tone.
You are the parents who are responsible for deciding on their education, on their diet, on their life in their early years. No one will know your baby better than you, who will be with him longer than anyone else. So the first thing that when listening to any advice, it is you who decide if you accept it or not.
May I know more than the education and parenting experts?
It's not about knowing more, it's about knowing your child better than any expert. It is highly recommended that you inform yourself through people specialized in the subject about the best methods. They base their theories and methods on studies of a number of children, they are based on experience. But remember that When applying them, you must carefully analyze your circumstances and those of your child. They do not know them and the same expert advice may be valid for all those children, but not for you. There may be circumstances that differentiate you or your child from all those children included in these studies.
Parents decide
Nor is it about being extremists and not taking advice from anyone. It is that the criterion is always applied by you with your partner or alone if you are a single-parent family. As we have already said, you are responsible for your child, you will be responsible for his actions and you will decide on his life. In his early years he needs you for everything. That makes it essential that you observe it in order to properly attend to its needs. Fruit of all that observation, You will know him better than anyone. Precisely that enables you to apply the advice that you think is convenient for your child and discard those that do not fit you.
When they give you advice that you don't want to accept
It is very possible that when you get home with your baby and the visits begin, everyone is suddenly an expert in parenting. They will advise you on things that you have already informed yourself about in a thousand pages, mothers groups, blogs and books. You will know that they are not right and you are also sensitive and irritable, you should try to stay calm to avoid uncomfortable situations. It is not convenient to offend who can offer you a help that you're probably going to need.
In these cases, it is best to give a polite response and not apply the advice at all. No matter how many times they repeat it, you don't need to explain to anyone, you just need to be polite and respectful. It is not necessary to compromise with what you do not accept, you have the last word.
Applying your criteria
By making a summary, it is understood that your criteria are the most valid for your child, for several reasons:
- The bond that exists between you since the prenatal period.
- The bond of attachment that is formed in the period after birth.
- The knowledge of your child through the observation that you carry out to attend to their needs.
Now, To apply your criteria in an appropriate way for the development of your child, it is essential that your criteria are well founded. This is not based on vain or superficial ideas about motherhood, like "because I'm your mother and I'm in charge." A kind of authoritarian education, it can be harmful to your child. It is recommended that you base your criteria on a type of democratic education. As for example the one promoted by Paulo Freire.
The desire of every mother is to raise her children healthy, independent and above all happy. To be able to guide your child towards that happiness, your criteria must be based on respect, towards his feelings, towards his person. That is the most important criterion when accepting advice. Ask yourself "Will my child have a happier life if I follow this advice?". The answer to that question will always be the key to deciding if you apply it.