Many parents find punishment a positive way to teach their children when they misbehave, but the reality is that both physical and psychological punishment It is a form of violence suffered by many children at the hands of parents who believe they are doing the right thing. However, parents or anyone in charge of minors must take action. legislative, administrative, social and educational measures appropriate to protect a child against all forms of physical, mental, abuse, neglect, negligent treatment, mistreatment, exploitation, sexual abuse, etc.
There are studies that deal with violence towards children where it is mentioned that cruel or degrading forms of punishment that do not involve physical violence They have been less studied than those that do involve physical acts. However, it is known that they exist. other forms of humiliation that remain etched in the minds of many people and that, when children become adults, they have painful memories of how they were humiliated by the words or actions of other people.
In this context, various international organizations and expert committees emphasize that emotional abuse is not a “minor” form of violence: it is associated with alterations in brain developmentChildren with physical and mental health problems and profound difficulties in the bond between the child and their caregivers often experience psychological punishment. Understanding what psychological punishment is, how it manifests, and what its effects are is key to preventing it and better supporting children.
Psychological punishments
Punishments that are not physical but are psychological are considered cruel and degrading and are incompatible with children's rights. Punishments such as belittling, humiliation, yelling, denigration, threats, scare the kids, ridiculing him or making him have a hard time emotionally are psychological punishments.
These punishments can be carried out within the family or even in schools. Psychological punishments that are cruel or serious They can even be considered a form of psychological torture. It can be difficult to differentiate psychological punishment from psychological abuse, as both involve a pattern of behaviors that damage self-esteem, the child's basic trust and sense of security.
A common form of psychological punishment is the use of public humiliationSome parents have gone so far as to shave their daughters' heads to humiliate them in front of others; hair needs time to grow back, so it serves as a constant reminder of the punishment and shame. The intention is not to educate, but to subdue and shame.
But without going to such extremes of psychological punishment, there are other forms of punishment that many parents might consider more "normalized." For example, if a child doesn't want to behave the way a parent wants, they might... leave him without dinner or leaving him in his dark bedroom so that he “learns to obey.” This psychological punishment will also seriously affect children’s emotions, who feel abandoned by their parents and perceive that they don’t care about understanding them.
Child abuse experts describe several particularly harmful behaviors within the category of psychological abuse: to refuse to the child (make him feel that he is not loved), isolate him (prevent him/her from interacting with others), to terrify him (constant threats), ignore him (not responding to their emotional needs) or corrupt him (involving them in harmful behaviors). Many of these behaviors appear in the form of punishment and go unnoticed because they don't leave bruises on the skin, but they do leave deep internal scars.
Psychological punishment is also observed in the school environment: ridiculing a student aloud for their mistakes, constantly comparing them negatively to other classmates, denying them attention or support repeatedly threatening to fail the child without objective reason. When these behaviors are repeated and intense, they can constitute emotional abuse and compromise the child's performance and well-being.
No one has the right to punish children
No one has the right to punish children, either physically or psychologically. Furthermore, any kind of punishment of children should be... Prohibited for all adultsChild protection regulations recognize that children have the right to grow up in a safe, violence-free environment where their emotional needs and dignity are respected.
It is necessary that there be effective procedures for the establishment of social programs that provide the necessary support to the child and those who must care for them. It is also necessary to have mechanisms for prevention, including the identification, reporting, referral, investigation, treatment, and follow-up of cases of violence against children by adults, and, if necessary, judicial intervention to protect the child.
What should not be allowed is for children to suffer violence at the hands of their parents simply because the parents lack the knowledge to apply other, more effective and less stressful forms of discipline, such as... positive disciplineIgnorance can never justify harm, but it does highlight the importance of offering families training, emotional support, and alternative resources.
Professionals who work with children (pediatricians, teachers, social workers, educators, psychologists, etc.) play a key role. When they observe behaviors or conduct that They are not suitable for the age and stage of development Regarding the child, the possibility of abuse should be considered in the differential diagnosis. Similarly, when parents make it difficult for the child to be interviewed alone in a context of suspected abuse, this is considered a warning sign that requires careful evaluation.
Causes of possible psychological punishment
Many adults are unaware of the seriousness of their actions or what happens if they use these punishments. Although there are some causes that can encourage children to suffer this type of violence. The causes are as follows:
- Adults don't know the such negative effects for the children of the punishment they use.
- The parents don't know of any other options. alternative forms of parenting and they use physical or psychological punishment to try to cope with their internal frustration and lack of resources to have a successful education.
- Parents abuse the drugs or alcohol, which impairs their capacity for self-control and empathy.
- The parents or adults in charge of the children are depressed or unhappyand they take out their frustration on the children.
- When parents or adults in charge have any kind of emotional disorder or serious difficulties in emotional regulation.
- When parents do not have sufficient emotional tools to manage their anger and his bad mood.
- The lack of economic and social resourceswhich increases family stress and everyday tensions.
- Cuando exists family problems frequent, such as couple conflicts, hostile separations or domestic violence.
- La ignorance and lack of education on topics of respectful parenting.
- The family problems prolonged that erode patience and communication.
- The desire to maintain the order and discipline without knowing about positive discipline or other respectful strategies.
In addition to all this, there are factors described by experts, such as the personal history of abuse from the caregivers themselves. Many parents who yell at, humiliate, or hit their children today were themselves abused or neglected children, who learned to relate to others through violence or emotional coldness. Without help to break this pattern, it's easy for them to pass it on to the next generation.
Contextual circumstances also play a role: living in an environment where physical punishment or insults are considered “normal”, the social isolation of families raising children without support, or situations of chronic stress (prolonged unemployment, housing problems, serious illnesses) that reduce the capacity for calm and reflective response in adults.
The effects of psychological punishment on children (and also physical punishment)
Physical punishment causes physical damage to different parts of the body, can cause permanent health damage and even lead to disability, and also leaves serious emotional consequencesPsychological punishment causes serious damage to the personality of the child affected by the violence to which he has been subjected.
Both physical and psychological punishment can have harmful and serious effects in children. Some of the effects that can arise in childhood and often last into adulthood are the following:
- Depression.
- Anxiety.
- Low self-esteem.
- Anger.
- Rebellion.
- Personality disorders.
- Memory problems.
- Learning problems.
- Poor self-perception.
In addition to these already known effects, various scientific reviews show that emotional abuse alters brain development and the way in which the child processes stressRepeated exposure to yelling, humiliation, and threats continuously activates stress response systems, especially the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal axis, increasing the release of hormones such as cortisol. This prolonged activation may be associated with:
- Difficulty regulating emotions, with abrupt mood swings and explosive responses in response to minor triggers.
- Hyperalert and a constant feeling of danger, even in relatively safe environments.
- Persistent sleep problems, nightmares, insomnia, or difficulty falling asleep.
- Alterations in brain areas involved in memory and learning, which result in low academic performance or unstable.
- Greater vulnerability to physical health problems such as hypertension, obesity, diabetes, or cardiovascular disease in adulthood, in relation to the global impact of toxic stress in the organism
Young children who are emotionally abused may exhibit seemingly contradictory behaviors: some become excessively affectionate with strangers or little-known people, seeking protection outside the home; others, on the contrary, show a great distrust and anxiety in the presence of any authority figure. Difficulties may arise in establishing secure attachment bonds, aggression towards other children or animals, problems in symbolic play, and delays in the development of language and social skills.
During the school years, emotional abuse and neglect are associated with a combination of emotional and behavioral problemsLow self-esteem, defiant behavior, difficulty following rules, problems relating to peers, symptoms similar to attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, persistent sadness, and social isolation. In adolescence, the impact can become even more visible through suicidal thoughts, alcohol or other drug abuse, risky sexual behavior, involvement in fights, or violent relationships.
Children who are excessively punished by their parents will also have a greater tendency to run away from homeThey will lose interest in formal and informal education, tend to try toxic substances like drugs or alcohol to escape reality, drop out of school, and even, if they suffer too much emotionally, may have suicidal thoughts. The feeling of being worthless, unloved, or always a problem can become a heavy burden that accompanies the person for years.
Studies also show that verbal abuse (Insults, yelling, constant belittling) can have an impact on mental health comparable to that of physical abuse. Adults who recall being routinely humiliated or ridiculed in their childhood more frequently experience depression, anxiety, difficulty trusting others, feelings of emotional emptiness, and problems establishing healthy relationships. When verbal abuse is combined with physical abuse, the risks multiply.
Being a parent isn't easy, but it's one of the most important jobs there is. Children come into this world to be happy and grow up by your side. They don't need punishment, they don't need spanking, they don't need you to hurt them (besides, it's a crime). They need your love. love, you patienceyour guide and all your sweetie so that they realize that they can become confident and capable adults.
If you want your children to be loving, respectful of you and others, and self-disciplined, then don't use punishment. Use appropriate parenting toolsRoutines, structure, clear boundaries, and withdrawing attention from inappropriate behavior without humiliating them are key. For older children, it will be necessary to set expectations, define logical rewards or consequences, and, above all, maintain open communication that allows them to feel heard.
In the face of any sign of psychological abuse or excessive punishment, seeking professional and social help is not a sign of failure, but proof of resilience. responsibility and love towards childrenTransforming the way we educate is possible, and every change in that direction reduces the risk of harm and opens up opportunities for children to grow up with confidence, well-being, and a secure attachment to their caregivers.