Sleep is an evolutionary process, that is, children end up sleeping through the night even if it takes a few years, and they will also acquire and perfect sleep phases until their rest is similar to that of adults, with the exception of the number of hours required. Babies don't need to be taught to sleep. As if it were an academic skill: your body and brain mature and, with support and routines, sleep becomes organized.
No matter what they tell you, a baby knows how to eat, breathe, sleep or perform other biological functions, there is no need to teach them; for that reason I do not believe in methods for children to learn to sleepIn my opinion, everything is much simpler and involves responding to their needs. That's why I was surprised and outraged by a technique being used in some clinics that proposed Leaving a hungry baby in his room in the crib late in the evening and not returning for many hours, despite her prolonged crying.
It seems that it was a doctor who started promoting such advice to desperate parents of babies who slept for a short time and then woke up again, and so on all night long… Does it ring a bell? Over time, other professionals replicated similar guidelines.
Faced with such barbarity, I ask myself: To what extent are we capable of ignoring instinct? Does anyone think that subjecting babies to high levels of stress is positive?
At first it was recommended for children as young as four months old and, as it seemed that the treasure of sleeping through the night was achieved, the age was finally lowered to which the little ones are subjected to this test. For me, there are no nuances: Leaving a crying baby unresponsive is not a respectful intervention.
Babies' sleep is a problem for parents?
As I have mentioned, we are dealing with an evolutionary issue: There will come a time when children sleep, eat alone, leave diapers behind, stand up…even if we don't intervene, unless there are specific disorders or clinical circumstances. The reality is that today many nuclear families they are very lonely: without a support network, with extended family far away, and work-life balance on the line. It's no wonder that those who juggle family and work life feel exhausted, but babies are not to blame of needing contact, food and calm during the night.
Depending on the cultural context, preconditions are established to which we adaptIn this sense, I remember the post by MarÃa José, who talks about routines and how, by making them predictable, We facilitate the transition between day and nightCreating a simple, repeatable ritual slows down your revs, alerts your brain that rest is coming, and reduces unnecessary struggles.
A very small baby needs to eat frequently and also contact with their role models. Today we know more about the child's brain and how prolonged separation affects it: sustained stress is not harmless. Therefore, it makes sense to prioritize sleep near parents During the first few months, facilitate nighttime feedings and offer companionship. In addition, the safety of sleep indicates that the baby should sleep on his back, on a firm surface, without loose elements and, preferably, sharing a room without sharing a bed.
Training the babies
In my opinion, that's what some techniques that claim to help children learn to sleep aim for: force an adult pattern prematurely. However, the only thing a baby left to its own devices can learn is to resignThe result is more like domestication based on avoiding the supposed discomforts of parenting than on healthy sleep training.
Now, it's worth giving a name to what people call sleep training. Generally speaking, it describes two major currents and an intermediate one:
- Methods of allowing crying with limits: They suggest putting the sleepy baby to bed and going in at intervals to calm him down without holding him. The idea is for the child to learn to calm himself. Those who defend them insist on don't let yourself cry indefinitely and in applying short and scheduled times.
- No-cry or immediate response methods: They propose to consistently address crying and accompany gradually, gradually reducing support and prioritizing the link.
- Gradual extinction or fading: the parents decrease their presence Step by step. For example, sitting next to the crib and moving the chair a little further away each night, or going in at set intervals to comfort with your voice and caresses without getting up.
For newborns, there is also a specific calming routine with specific steps such as secure swaddling, generating white noise, rocking, and offering non-nutritive sucking. These tools are temporary and adapt to maturity.; swaddling is no longer appropriate when the baby tries to roll over.
Some consultations challenge parents to have the courage to apply firm discipline. It takes guts, yes, but to raise with respect. to biological rhythms. These babies will become adults and a key goal is your emotional developmentIt is not about always prioritizing the needs of the elderly, but about seeking balance and coherence.
It is not a question of opinions
Or have they? Among families who have followed sleep programs, there are favorable stories and others of regret. It is often narrated from an adult perspective. An older child will not remember being left to cry for hours, but the footprint of stress may have been recorded. The science of infant sleep is still evolving, but we do know that the consistency of the environment and routines improves rest on most approaches.
It's not about courage to adopt rigid instructions. We're talking about vulnerable beings, who depend on us. Whether the problem is a lack of work-life balance, late nights, or a lack of access to the internet, Let's not blame babies for asking for what they needLet's adjust expectations, ask for help, and build sensible habits that will bring relief to the whole family.
When reviewing different methods, some academic analyses point out that The key is not the method itself, but coherence when applying it and adapting it to each child. That said, consistency does not mean ignore signs of hunger, illness, or fearResponding and comforting sensitively fosters secure attachment, which is a cornerstone of emotional balance.
When to start and signs of readiness
The baby's circadian rhythms They take weeks to organize. During the first few months, waking up every few hours is biologically normal. Many families find that, by the second trimester, more stable sleep windows appear. By then, it is reasonable to establish routines, provide the right environment and put him to bed sleepy but awake when it is possible.
Some babies are ready earlier and others later. If you have any doubts, consult with your pediatrician, especially if you suspect conditions that affect sleep, such as severe reflux, allergies, or apnea. Also remember the famous sleep regressions: Specific phases in which, due to neurological or motor changes, a child who was sleeping well wakes up more often. These are usually temporary and improve with support.
Practical and respectful guide to improve rest
Without forcing, you can strengthen healthy habits that help the whole family:
- Propitious environment: a cool, dark, quiet room with a firm mattress and no loose objects in the crib. A slight White noise can muffle sounds from the environment.
- Predictable routine: a quiet bath, pajamas, dim lighting, a soft story or song, and a goodnight kiss. Repeat consistent cues. prepares the brain for sleep.
- Approximate schedule: Try to have the beginning of the night repeat in a similar range. Avoid going to bed very late, because Over-fatigue makes it difficult fall and stay asleep.
- During the day: offers naps appropriate for their age and quality awake time with contact, play, and attention. A satisfied, well-stimulated baby usually sleep better.
- Sleepy, not asleep: When you recognize signs (yawning, blank stare, rubbing eyes), try put him to bed sleepy so that he associates the crib with falling asleep.
- Calm night responseIf he wakes up, respond with low lights, few words, and gentle movements. If he only protests a little, give it a few moments to resettle. If he or she is really crying, respond and check for hunger, diaper rash, or discomfort.
- Pacifier if you want: can be soothing and is associated with a lower risk of adverse sleep events. If you release it while you are asleep, no need to reposition it. In breastfeeding, it is best to introduce it when it is well established.
- Rocking and arms: are a legitimate support. If you want to reduce them, do it gradually: less rocking, more still contact, then hand on chest, then voice, and so on.
- Fading or gradual withdrawal: If you prefer to be present without intervening so much, sit next to the crib and move away a few inches every night. Keep your voice low and predictable.
- Medical review when appropriate: if there is frequent snoring, breathing pauses, extreme irritability or doubts about growth, ask for a professional assessment.
What to avoid for don't sabotage your rest:
- Imposing sleep by force: We cannot force people to sleep; we can offer conditions so that the dream happens.
- Rigid, immovable associations: If he always falls asleep only in your arms, it is likely that claim the same in each micro-awakening. It introduces changes in form gradual.
- Overstimulation Before the night: screens, intense games or heavy dinners hinder reconcile.
- Putting him to bed too late: a baby who is overactive usually sleep worse and less.
Sleeping in a crib or with company: safety first
The sleep safety recommendations are clear and they save lives. Practical summary:
- Always face up for naps and nighttime, unless specifically directed by a doctor. This is the safest position.
- Firm and clear surface: No pillows, stuffed animals, loose blankets, or padded protectors. Dress your baby according to the temperature and avoid overdressing.
- Share room without sharing a bed, at least for the first few months. Having him nearby makes it easier Tomas and Consolation and reduces risks.
- Avoid non-approved products or devices that promise to prevent adverse sleep events. Safety depends on the correct environment, not gadgets.
- Optional pacifier at bedtime if the baby accepts it. Do not force or secure with dangerous strings or clips.
- Smoke-free environment and take care of cables, blind cords and items within reach when the baby sits up.
When to start teaching sleep autonomy?
There is no single age. In the first months immature sleep predominates and frequent needs. As your baby matures, you can introduce gentle habits: routines, predictable cues, and putting the baby to bed sleepy. Many families find a favorable window between the second and third trimester, but the determining factor is child observation and the reality of each home.
What do I do if I don't get it?
If you don't get changes the first time, nothing happensFactors such as siblings, work shifts, or travel can interfere with regularity. You can pause and resume a few weeks later. If you need it, ask your pediatrician or pediatric health professionals who work for support. from respect and evidence. Sometimes a couple of adjustments in schedules, naps and rituals make a difference.
Personal experience and perspective
I speak from a perspective that works in my favor: my children have not been babies for a long time ... but they have been, and not one of those who slept straight after a few months. During that time I worked outside the home, I was also self-employed, I dedicated myself solely to them; and my partner and I have combined caring for them because one of the two was always presentTime passes and the bad nights are a memory. Now that the eldest is approaching adolescence, I doubt that the awakenings of that baby are worse than having to go pick it up later. They are stages of life.
I never considered using withdrawal techniques or other rigid methods. If I need attention and demand it, I appreciate you listening to me; even more so a baby, who doesn't have the ability to speak. Crying is its call. Responding to it isn't spoiling: it's build trust which, paradoxically, helps autonomous sleep arrive sooner. If you accept that rest is a skill that is shaped by maturity, routine, and connection, you will see that everything is organized and your night improves too.