Since Daniel coleman popularized the concept of Emotional Intelligence in 1995, few took into account the importance of this dimension in our daily behavior, and in the way we relate. Although although it is true, the term, as such, it was not new. The American psychologist Wayne Payne, introduced it for the first time in 1985.
It was a decade in which the concept of intelligence began to change, and authors like Howard Gardner with his book "Multiple Intelligences", brought us a perspective that would change many approaches, and new ways of understanding education. Promote and instill Emotional Intelligence in our childrenIt will help you in many ways, and in "Mothers today" we want to give you the basic keys.
The importance of educating in emotions
We'll start by answering an essential question that many of our readers may be asking themselves right now: Why is it important to educate my children in Emotional Intelligence?
Reflect for a moment on these concepts, and you will see how immediately, you know why:
- The education of a child is not limited to teaching him to walk, to speak or to know which river passes through Budapest. Educating is also teaching how to live, and living is knowing how I can be happy and how I can offer happiness to others.
- Emotional management is key in the child's day-to-day life. You can teach him that sadness or frustration does not vent with anger, that crying relieves as much as knowing how to communicate, and that it is also good to know how to "put on the shoes" of others to understand what they feel, to know what empathy is.
To this day, a teaching where good knowledge and management of emotions is prioritized is not yet well established in the school curricula.
Although it is true that some early childhood education schools already work with different types of material on the subject, the need to offer good skills in Emotional Intelligence (EI).
An aspect that, without a doubt, would be very interesting in secondary education, where adolescents establish their personality, and must face those internal and interpersonal conflicts that will mark part of their lives.
The basic pillars on which Emotional Intelligence is based are eight, a series of aspects that, far from being stable, grow and mature throughout our lives. Hence the importance of instill these dimensions in the education of the youngest as soon as possible:
- Understanding
- Self and others emotional expression
- Social skills
- Empathy
- Assertiveness
- Self esteem
- Selfconcept
- Autonomy
Let's see now 4 keys to educate in Emotional Intelligence (EI).
1. Work on basic emotions
As you already know, the basic or primary emotions are: joy, fear, anger and sadness. When to begin then to know how to identify them, understand them or know how to manage them?
As mothers we must be clear that A child's education, believe it or not, starts from day one. The simple fact of offering him some routines, some sleep and eating guidelines, as well as a whole series of gestures of love and affection, is already educating.
From the first moment you take your child in your arm and rock him, you are already educating in the most powerful values that exist: in love and in security.
As they grow you will see in them clear "explosions" in all these basic emotions mentioned at the beginning. Teach him to identify anger, fear, joy...and in turn, to recognize them in others.
Never hesitate to ask them from a very young age how they feel, make them differentiate first of all «the rage of sadness. Many children can react with anger when they have a lack and feel sad.
Make them know how to differentiate it, explain in their own words or through drawings what they feel.
2. I put myself in the shoes of others
This exercise should be both daily and regular in the child's day-to-day life. Not only must they know how to recognize their own emotions in them, it is vital that they, in turn, know how to recognize them in others.
- Empathy is the basic pillar of a healthy coexistence. It fosters understanding, respect and togetherness.
- Identifying in other emotions that "oneself has" creates a bond and respect for those around me. It is important that the child understands it as soon as possible.
- Now, how can we get it? Ask him questions, arouse his interest in other people's emotions: How have you seen the grandparents today? Do you think they were happy, that they were tired? How do you think that friend in your class felt about not inviting him to your birthday?
3. We learn to love ourselves
Teach a child to value and love himself, It is as important as the food that we offer or the clothes with which we dress it. Self-esteem is the gear of inner well-being, and of maturity as a person, the one that tomorrow will offer you encouragement to face the world.
- Self-esteem is fostered in the child by offering him security at all times. Give confidence through positive phrases: "Of course you are going to achieve it", "you deserve the best", "it may have gone wrong for you now, but if you try again it will turn out very well."
- The importance of self-esteem begins when children are aware of themselves in relation to others. It is one of the bases from which Emotional Intelligence is nourished
- They will notice it especially in the first years of school, so it is important that before they start to socialize, they have resources to fend for themselves, to be independent, always knowing that they are loved and supported by us.
4. I express what I feel, and I know how to listen to you
Don't let your children reach adolescence by becoming hermetic young people who do not know how to express their emotions, and that they will always seek the solitude of their closed room, to channel their anger aloud, to talk about their fears, to know how to express their needs ...
How can we get it? Take into account these aspects with which Emotional Intelligence will always be our driving force:
- Establish a constant, entertaining and fluid dialogue with children from when they are young.
- Do not sanction, do not judge, do not criticize or make fun of what your children say. The moment they perceive that their words are going to be sanctioned and that their emotions can be a reason for criticism, they will stop communicating with you.
- Listen to them and argue without criticizing, make every word that comes out of their mouth important to you and that they understand it that way.
- In turn, it is essential that they know how to attend, maintain eye contact and respect opinions. Communication is a respectful exchange of ideas, emotions and thoughts, and this is a gift that you should never miss in the day to day with your children.
Promote an education based on emotions in your children from the first moment, and in every moment of their life. With that, you will give the world happy and independent adults who will know how to make other people happy.
To achieve this, remember that you must also act through adequate emotional intelligence with which to offer an example to your children.